May 31, 2001
HAVE ANOTHER DIET COKE
The British government has ordered a top-level
investigation into the safety of Aspartame amid fears that the
artificial sweetener has been linked to serious health risks. The
U.K.'s Food Standards Agency has sent over 500 research papers on the
chemical to the Brussels based Scientific Committee on Food which
point to the possibility that using Aspartame (also sold as
Nutrasweet and Canderel) may cause adverse reactions including brain
tumours and blindness. America's Food and Drug Administration reports
side effects from using Aspartame that include headaches, skin
problems, stomach disorders, poor vision, depression, panic attacks,
irregular heart rhythms and seizures. Get all the sorry details of
this vastly under-reported story at www.dorway.com. (Sunday Express)
NAZISM IS ALIVE AND WELL
Just when you thought Afghanistan's Taliban
government couldn't get any more extreme in its hardcore fascism,
comes news that the Taliban police is considering imposing a dress
code to separate Muslims and non-Muslims in that horrifically
oppressive nation. The plan involves forcing Hindus to wear yellow
clothing and to hang two-metre long yellow cloth strips from their
homes so they can be easily identified. The plan also involves
forbiding Hindus and Muslims to live together. Can "ethnic cleansing"
be far behind? (Afghan Islamic Press)
AND DON'T FORGET TO WIPE YOUR ASS WITH "WASHABLE CLOTH" INSTEAD OF
TOILET PAPER
There's a list going around the internet entitled "16
Easy Things You Can Do To Save The Earth." It's full of feel-good acts
that won't change a damn thing, like carpooling to work or turning the
water off when you brush your teeth. And then there's another list,
"50 Difficult Things You Can Do To Save The Earth." This one's a bit
more interestng. Try these: 1. Bury your car; 5. Don't have children;
15. Live within the world average income of $1,250 per year; 19. Fast
a day each week, and send the money saved on food to help feed the
hungry; 37. Don't buy anything that comes in a package; 49. Liberate a
zoo.
AND, FOR YOUR NEXT HAIRCUT...
Did you know that "anti-mullet sentiments
have risen a staggering 437% in the past 5 years?" This
unsubstantiated stat is from www.RateMyMullet.com , a website loaded
with pictures of the infamous hairstyle. Research on the mullet
phenomena is still in it's infancy, they say, but it seems that the
mullet grows tentacles into the brain of the victim, which causes
"extreme agression, the proclivity to consume large amounts of
alcohol, pedophilia, lack of hygeine, dramatic reduction in
inhibitions... and most importantly, steadily decreasing IQ levels."
Maybe you should think twice before jumping onto this craze, eh?
IT'LL BE A BIG HIT WITH THE UNDEAD
The tourist ministry of
Sighisoara, Romania, birthplace of Vlad the Impaler, has begun a
plan to build a Dracula theme park in order to help revive the
struggling economy of that nation. By pure coincidence, I'm sure, a
few days after this story crossed my path, I found another about a
group of U.S. businessmen who have announced plans to dig up the body
of Vlad the Impaler in order to clone Dracula. Sounds like someone at
the tourist ministry has an overactive imagination. (CNN & Libertatea
News)
GOD TOLD ME TO CREATE YET ANOTHER TACKY THEME PARK
Pastor Tom Moore
of Denver, Colorado is asking for city council approval to build a
$20-million, 160-acre theme park entitled "Messiahville, USA" which
will include a 19,200 square-foot church building, a 45-foot tall
prayer tower, and an amusement park which will include a life-size
replica of Noah's Ark, a waterslide where kids splash down into the
belly of Jonah's whale, a miniature golf course laid out over a model
landscape of the Holy Land and a life-size "animatronic" re-creation
of the Last Supper, complete with 12 disciples and a moving and
talking Jesus. (Naples Daily News)
LET THE PUNISHMENT FIT THE CRIME
A 42-year-old woman in Chicago who
was raped and forced to perform oral sex on her assaulter, bit off his
testicles and brought them in to police headquarters. Officers phoned
the hospital and found that a castrated man had just been admitted to
the emergency ward. Case closed. According to the news report, the
vital items could not be reattached. What a shame... (Chicago Sun-Times)
DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION
Halifax teen Andrew Fader is hoping to make it into the Guinness Book
of World Records after stuffing 161 straws into his mouth to beat the
previous record of 151. Next, he's planning on breaking the record for
the world's fastest guzzling of a can of pop. "I think he's a
bonehead," commented his father.
Go to:
Copyright 2001 by Andreas Ohrt
(604) 603-4699
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com
