April 5, 2001

GOSH, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT CLONING COULD HAVE SIDE EFFECTS?

The New York Times has published an article that reveals that scientific evidence is mounting that cloning is not only more difficult than expected (with, at most, a three per cent success rate), but also often results in severe developmental delays, heart defects, lung problems and malfunctioning immune systems. Cloning experts and developmental biologists have discovered that cloning creates random errors in the expression of individual genes. These errors can then produce unpredictable problems at any time in the life of the animal. Examples included cloned mice who developed normally and then grew "grotesquely fat" as adults, and cow clones born with enlarged hearts or lungs that don't develop properly. The scientists quoted in the story went on to point out that cloning humans at this point would be "morally indefensible," as these gene alterations can randomly cause major medical problems or death in a clone.

WOOF! WOOF WOOF!

A slightly eccentric inventor, Robert Wayne Hamilton, who is responsible for various "non-mainstream" inventions such as an alpha brain wave machine, biofeedback devices, and a hallucination machine (no kidding, U.S. Patent #4044756), is now working on a prototype of a machine that will enable animals to talk to humans. "Researchers have already taught parrots to converse intelligently," Hamilton says. "Even some of our leading politicians make sense, occasionally, So, I know that dogs will be able to speak English using my forthcoming 'Dog-Voice Collar'." His dream is that the device will help liberate animals from the exploitation of human technology. (www.blather.net)

A LESS ACCOMMODATING WIFE WOULD HAVE HACKED OFF HIS PENIS

Vietnam's Thanh Nien newspaper reported last week that a 41-year-old woman who was unable to convince her husband to give up his younger lover, agreed to sell the man to his new lover for $516.

MUST BE THE DRUGS TALKING

The BBC has found itself in the midst of a huge controversy for daring to air a program that claims that drugs such as cannabis, cocaine, ecstasy and heroin are not dangerous, but "extremely enjoyable." The program, entitled Chemical Britannia, interviews dozens of "ordinary people" who include moderate amounts of drugs in their daily routine because it is an "enjoyable and pleasurable experience." Mat Southwell, the show's presenter, claims simply that society's views of banned drugs are hypocritical: "Most people take drugs because they want to relax and feel good, much in the same way they might have a drink at the weekend," he says, "but while alcohol is socially acceptable, people are being put in prison or the chemical equivalent of buying a round of drinks." (Guardian Unlimited)

UFO WATCHDOG

A new website devoted to "distinguishing fact from fantasy" in the UFO research realm is now up and running. Their agenda is to expose the "parasites, delusional personalities, morons, and frauds currently polluting UFOlogy," they say. Well, they'll be no shortage of material, that's for sure. Check it out at www.ufowatchdog.com.

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I FINALLY FOUND THE MAN OF MY DREAMS - TOO BAD I'M NOT GAY

When I punched in www.jesus.com I wasn't exactly expecting "the most extravagant personal ad in the history of civilization," but that's exactly what I found. "Jesus" is a guy from Washington, D.C. who is looking for his soulmate. On this elaborate site he goes into hilarious detail about his many attributes. The most painful thing about this site is that he's not trying to be hilarious. He includes the chance to "win a shower with Jesus" and an image gallery of Jesus in the bath. Truly charming. Don't forget to click on the film clip of "Jesus shopping for a Porsche." And while you're there, sign up for the JesusCard! He's thought of everything.

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