March 8, 2001
SCIENCE FINALLY ACCEPTS THE OBVIOUS: ANIMALS ARE SMART
Scientific research into the intelligence of animals
has grown dramatically in recent years, as developments
in cognitive psychology, infant development and
neuroscience have given researchers astounding new
insights into the complexity of the animal brain. A new
book entitled Wild Minds, by neuroscientist Marc
Hauser, reveals that recent research shows that some
animals can perform simple arithmetic, form mental maps
of their environment, exchange elaborate message with
each other, master intricate social relationships and
create tools and teach other animals how to use them. A
few experiments have also shown that some particularly
bright animals demonstrate a rudimentary self-awareness
and can handle abstract concepts. The most
intelligent animals seem to be chimpanzees, followed by
talking birds, dolphins, whales, elephants, and crows.
(Washington Free Press)
OH COME ON, LET THE BLIND SHOOT GUNS
The legislature
in the state of Kentucky, in its infinite wisdom, has
repealed a law passed in 1996 that allowed blind people
to carry concealed weapons. That law required the blind
to "take eight hours of certified training, pass a
written test and ...hit a body-like target 21 feet away
11 times out of 20." The new law requires those wanting
to carry a weapon to have at least 20/40 vision. (UPI)
ETHICALLY DISABLED ATHLETES
After winning 107 medals
at this year's Paralympics, the Spanish team was
blindsided by allegations from Carlos Ribagorda of the
Spanish basketball team, who claimed that only two of
12 players on his gold-winning team were mentally
retarded. In response, the International Paralympics
Committee has decided to suspend all intellectually
disabled athletes, siting "serious problems regarding
the determination of eligibility of athletes."
(Eightball)
ANY EXCUSE TO DESTROY A TV WORKS FOR ME
Hundreds of
angry Muslims have destroyed their television sets
after a Muslim cleric announced that immoral broadcasts
in India caused the recent earthquakes in that country.
"The poisoning of minds through television...has made
the
Almighty angry" said one shopkeeper as he threw his
television off the roof of his store. (AP)
I'M NOT LAZY, I'M A "RESEARCH ASSISTANT"
The Institute
of Space Medicine in Toulouse, France, is looking for
28 subjects who are willing to lie in bed for three
months, in order for them to study the effects of
space travel on the human body. The gig pays about ten
grand. (Le Depeche du Midi)
LOOKS LIKE SHIT, SMELLS LIKE SHIT, MUST BE...
Must be
nice. Some sort of smelly mustard-brown substance has
been falling on a neighbourhood in Tampa Bay, Florida
for at least the past six months. Nobody knows where
it's coming from, health officials don't know what it
is, and people cannot be assured that it is safe, yet
it's covering everyone's clothes, cars and homes with
hideous, smelly brown spots. The only official
statement so far has been "it seems to be organic in
nature." How reassuring. Tests continue at the
Department of Environmental Protection to figure out
what's up. (Tampa Tribune)
A REAL NIHILIST COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO MAKE A FILM
The Third Annual Nihilist Film Festival is looking for
submissions for the upcoming festival to be held in Los
Angeles in December. Organizer Elish Shapiro says "if
you've made a video that has appalled and offended
other film festivals, we're looking for you." Get off
your ass and send your masterpiece to Nihilist Film
Festival, Box 36422, Los Angeles, CA 90036. There are
no fees and no prizes, just the glory of knowing that
you probably need professional psychiatric
intervention.
CORPORATE SABOTAGE STUCK IN ADOLESCENCE
The U.S.
Federal government is drafting legislation that will
allow them to prosecute internet sites that "sponsor,
solicit and encourage the use of commercial terrorism,"
which is defined as "the unlawful use of force or
violence against persons or property to intimidate or
coerce commercial interest." It would seem that their
targets would be websites that show you how to piss off
and rip off huge corporations, but instead they just
seem to be focussed on some childish prankishness, such
as the webpages entitled "Screwing over your local
McDonald's" and "How to Turn the Work Life of a Local
7-Eleven Employee into a Living Hell." (As if it isn't
already...)
(http://www.rtmark.com/more/harvardjournal2000winter.html)
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Copyright 2001 by Andreas Ohrt
(604) 608-6909
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com