November 23, 2000
UGGH, I CAN'T VOTE FOR A POLITICIAN!
How can you possibly
vote with a clear conscience? You know that the mainstream
parties are bought and paid for by big business, and the
only difference in who you vote for is to decide which
mega-corp will get the next round of tax breaks. The only
way you can respect yourself in the morning is if you don't
vote for anybody at all, but that's just too anarchistic for
you, isn't it? Yeah, I know... So, as a public service,
for
those of you you feel you have to vote, but can't stomach
any of those corporate puppets who claim to speak for you, I
have the perfect answer. Vote for an intelligent person
running on a perfectly sensible platform. Of course, they
don't have a hope in hell of winning, but at least you can
say you've done your democratic duty. And the nominees
are...
GREEN PARTY
Best slogan of the this entire campaign has got
to be Jamie Lee Hamilton's "She's Different." You can say
that again! But what she's doing in the Green Party is
beyond me. For some reason she doesn't strike me as the type
of person who has done a lot of deep thinking about the
state of our ecological crisis. Maybe I'm wrong. As always,
the Green Party platform remains consistent: they plan to
ease the transition from exploitative economic growth to a
sustainable, ecologically sound economy. They would end
subsidies to nuclear and fossil fuel technologies and invest
heavily in wind, solar, small hydro and fuel cells, making
Canada a leader in renewable energy. Their platform also
includes a shift to a 32-hour work week, a Guaranteed Income
Supplement, Universal Health Care, and the growth of organic
agriculture. (www.green.ca)
MARIJUANA PARTY
Marc Emery has got my vote, but only
because if marijuana is ever legalized, this man will own
B.C., and I'm hoping there's a juicy patronage appointment
in it for me. Unfortunately, this party has a one-track
mind: the decriminalization of marijuana; immediate access
to medical cannabis; increased funding for research on
cannabis as a legitimate medical application; free all
prisoners held for marijuana infractions; support the growth
of industrial hemp. It's unfortunate that we need a
political party to hold this platform, when these are basic
human rights that we should have been granted over a decade
ago. Sheesh. (www.marijuanaparty.org)
CANADIAN ACTION PARTY
The CAP platform can be summed up in
two words: anti-corporate rule (or is that three words?).
They plan to scrap NAFTA, dismantle the World Bank and the
IMF (as if a Canadian political party could do that without
being rapidly disposed by the CIA), and promise to stop the
sell-off of Canadian resources and businesses to large,
foreign corporations. Anyone who agreed with the protesters
at the WTO summit would find a lot of common ground with
this party. They are also the party most vehemently
opposed to an American economic takeover of Canada.
"Canadian Action Party members have made a choice. They
don't want their country to be further over-run by giant
transnational corporations; they don't want to use the U.S.
dollar; they don't want to be second-class Americans, and
they don't want to be ruled by Washington."
(www.canadianactionparty.ca)
COMMUNIST PARTY
The Communist Party platform places a heavy
emphasis on protecting the rights of working people and
curbing the pro-corporate policies of all the mainstream
parties. "Thanks to big business and their governments,"
states the Communist platform, "the gap between the wealthy
elite and working class Canadians has become a chasm.
Corporate profits are skyrocketing ($52 billion in the
second quarter of this year alone!) while over a million
workers are jobless and one-fifth of our children live in
poverty." The Communists also believe that Canada is now
under the control of U.S. transnational corporations, and
vow to reclaim Canadian sovereignty.
(www.communist-party.ca)
MARXIST-LENINIST
No surprise, the Marxist-Leninists have a
similar platform to the Communists, summarized by the
catchiest of slogans, "Stop Paying the Rich - Increase
Funding
for Social Programs." They also propose a "new and modern
constitution," including reforming the political structure
entirely. Because our system is inherently corrupt, with big
money obviously buying politicians and steering policy
initiatives, the Marxist-Leninists propose an overhaul of
our version of democracy. They envision something called the
Citizens' Committees for Democratic Renewal, in which
political power rests locally with average citizens and not
party-affiliated politicians. (www.cpcmi.ca)
NATURAL LAW
Remember the last federal election? Doug
Henning was still alive and leading the Natural Law Party in
a stirring round of Yogic Flying! Talk about Curious Times.
I love this party, mainly because they aren't afraid to make
outrageous claims. "The Natural Law Party government will
eliminate 50 percent of disease within 3 years," they say.
Not only that, the Natural Law Party will create "a
crime-free Canada", will "develop the full creative
potential of every citizen," will "create a government which
will serve the interests of all the parties and all the
groups in the nation," will "remove the stress and tension
that generate so many social ills and damage the harmony and
integrity of family life," will "restore to senior citizens
the dignity and respect traditionally accorded to them as
the pillars of society," will "create a pollution-free
nation," and, last but not least, "will achieve invincible
national defence - victory before war - by creating and
maintaining an indomitable influence of coherence and
harmony in national consciousness which prevents the birth
of an enemy." Holy pie-in-the-sky, Batman! If only these
guys could inject some idealism into their campaign, they
might really be on to something. (www.national-law.ca)
ANARCHISTS
Unfortunately, there is no anarchist party
running candidates, because...well, they're anarchists and
all. What a shame. Therefore, I hereby declare myself leader
of the Anarchist Party of Canada, and, to make things really
easy, I claim the vote of every registered voter who doesn't
bother to go to the polls. Clearly, they are anarchists.
Ipso facto, they vote anarchist, and I, your fearless
leader, will get a good 25-35% of the vote, surely enough to
gain a majority! Party! (www.mysurrealfantasy.ca)
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Copyright 2000 by Andreas Ohrt
(604) 608-6909
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com