November 9, 2000
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL WORLD
Professor Greg Stock, a biologist and
expert on the genetics of reproduction and ageing, told the
world's largest ever gathering of fertility experts that the
idea of having sex in order to have babies will be dead within
20 years. He predicts that human beings will take control of
their evolution using emerging technologies to create "designer
babies," and the "messy business" of procreation will be
abandoned. "This is the beginning of the end of sex as the way
we reproduce," he said, "we will view our children as too
important to leave it to a random meeting of sperm and eggs."
(London Express)
THOSE GOOFY GREYS
A report on the internet from Don Worley, a
30-year veteran researcher of UFO abductees and associated
phenomena states that the Greys are pulling off so many
abductions that they regularly screw up by putting the
abductees back with the wrong clothes on, or with their clothes
on inside-out or backward. Among his hundreds of cases is the
American man who woke up with a Japanese marathoner's T-shirt,
and a woman who awoke wearing somebody else's panties. He
includes some other humourous anecdotes, like the Greys who
couldn't get the human through the roof of his house because
they were having power problems with their light beam. Check it
out at www.frii.com/~iufor/worley.htm.
CALL NOW AND RECEIVE ONE FREE ANAL PROBE!
For those of you who
just can't wait for the real thing, a company called Alien
Abductions Inc. is offering to implant memories of an alien
abduction into your brain. "Most people will probably never
have the opportunity to be abducted by aliens," they say, "and
even those elite few who are selected for abduction receive no
assurances that they will fully remember their experience - much
less a guarantee that their abduction will be everything that
they hoped it would be." That's where Alien Abductions Inc.
comes in. You work with their team of doctors, hypnotists, and
memory implant technicians to customize an abductions
experience to suit your personal tastes. They even offer
abduction fetishes, such as interspecies breeding or medical
experimentation. "It's all up to you!" they exclaim. And what
if you change your mind? "We even offer a low cost course of
deprogramming, medication, and therapy...for any of our customers
who may choose to discontinue their experience." How
reassuring. (www.alienabductions.com)
BIRDS GOING BONKERS
Last month I reported on crows in Tokyo
and magpies in Australia attacking people. This month we have
even more frenzy from the skies. Among the stories are "roving
flocks of wild turkeys" in the suburbs of Boston, Massachusetts
(AP); chickens attacking children in Sonoma, California (AP);
"berserk" and "delinquent" crows attacking people in Geneva
(Irish Times); and "flocks of aggressive seagulls terrifying
tourists and residents" at French resort towns (The
Independent). Watch your back!
FUCT UP
An editor at a Texan newspaper, The Monitor, has been
fired for allowing a picture of the band The Deftones to run in
the newspaper. The lead singer of the band was wearing a
sweatshirt with the name of the clothing company "FUCT" on it.
After readers complained about the "foul language" in the
newspaper, Nora Garza, entertainment editor of The Monitor, was
fucked...I mean, fired. (www.sonicnet.com)
AND NOW THE GOOD NEWS...
A prototype of a car that runs on air is
being unveiled at the Auto Africa Expo 2000 in Johannesburg
this week. The e.Volution (couldn't they have come up with a
tackier name?) runs on a piston engine powered by the release
of compressed air stored in tanks similar to scuba diving
tanks, and can be refilled in about four hours. The car can be
driven for about 10 hours at an average speed of 80km/h, and is
expected to sell for about $10,000. (BBC)
OR, IF YOU WANT A REAL GAS-GUZZLER
American inventor Paul
Moller is ready to begin public testing of his "vertical
takeoff hybrid vehicle". That's a flying car, folks. The
Skycar is designed to "drive" at altitudes up to 20,000 feet at
up to 325 miles per hour. The car gets about 15 miles per
gallon. Moller thinks it will take about 10 years to hit the
consumer market, at about $60,000 each. (Wired News)
ANOTHER FAILED MARRIAGE
Recently I told you of the Indian man
who chose to marry off his four-year-old daughter to a stray
dog on the advice of an astrologer who claimed the marriage
would transfer the girl's bad luck to the dog. Originally,
nobody seemed to mind, but after foreign media started
spreading the story, police in India decided to save further
embarrassment. The Times of India reports that three men
involved in arranging that marriage have been charged with
"criminal conspiracy and advertising objectionable drugs and
magic remedies" under the Prevention of Objectionable Drugs &
Magic Remedies Act of 1954.
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Copyright 2000 by Andreas Ohrt
(604) 608-6909
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com