October 26, 2000

ONE HIT FOR ME, NO HITS FOR YOU

Former Pittsburgh Pirates' pitcher Dock Ellis has finally revealed the secret to the no-hitter that he pitched in 1970 against the San Diego Padres, the highlight of his career. He says he didn't know he would be pitching that day, so he dropped some acid at around noon. By the time he was to start the game, at 6:05 p.m., he was peaking. "I can only remember bits and pieces of the game," he says, "I was psyched. I had a feeling of euphoria." Despite tripping on acid, and seeing things that weren't quite right ("the ball was small sometimes, the ball was large sometimes, sometimes I saw the catcher, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I tried to stare the hitter down and throw while I was looking at him."), he managed to win the game 2-0. (The Psychedelic Shakespeare Solution)

PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS, PART II

And another unexpected athletic confession. Naoko Takahashi, the Japanese runner who won the women's marathon at this year's Sydney Olympics, has revealed the secret to her success: she drank the stomach juices of giant killer hornets. Scientists at the Institute of Physical and Chemical Research near Tokyo had been studying the species (Vespa mandarina japonica) to find out what gave them the energy to fly up to 60 miles per day at up to 20 miles per hour, which would be the equivalent of a human running over two full marathons. After isolating the energy source as an acidic juice found in the hornets' stomachs, the researchers started testing it on human athletes, and found that the elixer had astonishing powers to boost human stamina. Takahashi credits the bizarre concoction with helping her win the gold medal. (BBC)

THE BIRDS

Residents in Canberra, Australia have begun protecting themselves by wearing hard hats, carrying open umbrellas and brandishing sticks. What's the threat? A plague of angry magpies that have been swooping down and attacking humans during the breeding season. Last year 254 attacks were reported, with the majority of victims being cyclists, red-haired women and mothers with baby strollers. Park ranger Aaron Keeyd suggests wearing a big hat with pictures of eyes on the back, as "they won't attack if they think you're watching," he claims. (The Independent)

GREEN THUMBS

A group of 200 botanists in Britain have begun a project designed to save the seeds of endangered plants, flowers and trees in order to protect them from extinction. Kew Garden's Millennium Seed Bank plans to store the seeds of 24,000 species before the year 2010, keeping them dried and bottled in suspended animation and stacked in underground vaults chilled to -20°C. If a plant becomes extinct, its seeds can be collected from the bank and replanted. Botanists estimate that a quarter of the world's plants could vanish by the year 2050. (Associated Newpapers)

GETTING IN TOUCH WITH THE EARTH (FOR LAZY DUMBASS COMPUTER GEEKS)

Or, for those of you who love plants, but hate getting dirty, a new website allows you to plant a vegetable garden from the comfort of your own home. The folks at www.myveggiepatch.com will plant your garden for you, which you can watch grow over the net. When your vegetables are ready, they'll send you your harvest for about $1500.

HOLOCAUST HUMOUR

The publishers of former Nazi aid Reinhard Spitzy are planning to deal with a lot of controversy when they publish his new book next spring. The book is a light-hearted look at the funny side of the Third Reich. 88-year-old Spitzy says "there were so many hilarious stories from that time, the plans that failed, the mistakes, how we roared with laugher." (Sunday Times)

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