October 12, 2000
GENETIC MANIPULATION, PART ONE: "THE GOOD"
The Washington Post has
reported the first ever instance of a couple using genetic tests to
create a test-tube baby in order to save their six-year-old daughter.
The Colorado couple screened embryos to ensure a match for their
daughter, then implanted the embryo in the mother' s womb to create a
perfectly compatible donor. The baby was born on Aug. 29, and
immediately provided cells for his older sister, who suffers from a
bone marrow deficiency that is fatal without a transplant.
GENETIC MANIPULATION, PART TWO: THE BAD
Researchers at Texas A&M
University have been trying to clone the pet dog of a millionaire who
has paid almost $3.7 million to see the feat accomplished. The
researchers believe they are within months of successfully completing
the project, and have begun a commercial company called Genetic Savings
& Clone (there' s some geek humour for you) that will allow anyone with
the money to have their own pet cloned. For a fee of $895 you can store
you pet' s DNA at their facilities, then pay $100 a year for storage
until the technology is perfected. At that point, a mere $200,000 will
buy you a genetic carbon-copy of your dearly beloved, but very dead,
pet. (Dallas Morning News)
GENETIC MANIPULATION, PART THREE: THE FRIGGIN' LUDICROUS
Scientists
are using genetic modification to create "novelty" grass including
grass that glows in the dark and grass that is brightly coloured. Why
would they want to do that? Dr. Peter Day of the Institute of
Biomolecular Research has a great idea: "You could spell out a message
on your lawn, or perhaps more likely on a sports field, by planting a
grass of a different colour." Well, hip-hip-fucking-horray for modern
technology. (Sightings)
TRACKING BIGFOOT
A team of 14 researchers who have been tracking
Bigfoot in Washington state discovered an imprint of the beast in the
Giford Pinchot National Forest this past week. The researchers made a
250 lb. plaster cast of the imprint, which appears to be the lower half
of a Sasquatch. Thermal imaging confirmed that the body print was only
hours old, and hair samples from the area are being sent for DNA
testing. The size of the imprint suggests that the creature is between
seven and eight feet tall, weighing between 800 to 1,000 pounds. (King
5 News)
THE SWEET SMELL OF A YOUNG MOOSE IN LOVE
A rampaging bull moose,
chasing a cow moose in heat, stormed through a home in New Canada,
Maine, and trashed a car, causing $7,000 in damage. The car was also
decorated with unidentified "moose fluids," that, reportedly "smelled
awful." (Bangor News)
NONE OF THE ABOVE
If you' re an American citizen, be sure do your part
and join the 100 million Americans who won' t be voting for anyone this
November. Radical Democracy is a group of activists trying to harness
the power of those 100 million to create some change in western-style
democracy, which currently is just a corporate-run show to elect the
next puppet of big business. Check out www.radicaldemocracy.com for
their ideas on how to subvert the system.
CALLING THE PORK-BARREL BLACK
The Reform Party recently attacked
Canadian funding for the arts, pointing out some of the more ridiculous
grants given out by the Canada Council. Among its targets was a $3000
project on the history and culture of chewing gum, a $4000 documentary
on the rubber stamp as a "low-tech marketing device" and a $900 grant
for an aboriginal poet' s work entitled "Where Did My Ass Go?" (Vice)
A BOY NAMED SPARK PLUG
Honduran officials have asked for that
country' s legislature to forbid parents from registering children under
"extravagant or offensive names", and to allow children to sue parents
for giving them "gross or insulting" names. The request comes since a
trend has developed to name children after auto parts (huh?). Some
favourite names in eastern Honduras are "Spark Plug," "Motor," and
"Miracle Tire." Other names they are trying to irradicate are "Thank
God," "Bill Clinton," and "Ronald Reagan." (CNN)
TECHNOGEEK WORD OF THE WEEK
Ego-surf: the act of searching for your
own name on the internet. (Online Journal Review)
I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, EXCEPT FOR ALL THE THINGS ABOUT YOU THAT I
DON' T LOVE
The Washington Post recently ran a contest asking for some
lame romantic sentiments from it' s readers. Among the heart-warming
thoughts were these gems: "I love you for what' s inside, except of
course the chewed food sitting in your digestive tract in various
stages of decomposition." "Baby, one of these days I' m gong to marry a
woman a lot like you." And, my favourite, "I' d love to put you through
the agony of childbirth."
IF THERE IS A GOD, I' M SURE HE' S GREAT
The Norwegian Heathen Society
has won the right to summon members to their meetings by calling out
"There is no God" after Muslims were granted the right to call "Allahu
akbar" (God is great) over loudspeakers in their town. (AP)
BETTER THAN BEING RAISED BY MOMMIE DEAREST, I SUPPOSE
The Mothers for
Mothers Association in Antwerp, Belgium has followed Hamburg, Germany' s
lead and created a "secure place" for women to abandon their babies,
rather than leaving them in a dumpster, as has happened twice already
this year. Now new mothers can conveniently drop the babies through an
electronic trap door at an Antwerp "safe-house." (UPI)
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Copyright 2000 by Andreas Ohrt
(604) 608-6909
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com