September 28, 2000
WHY BE NORMAL?
, home of the Paranormal News
Network. Launched last week, and still an extremely bare-bones
operation, the Paranormal News Network website is, they say, "the first
step in a master plan to create a 24-hour TV cable news network similar
in format to CNN, but featuring the extraordinary, the alternative, and
the paranormal news." Already up and running is a link that will
allow you to report anything bizarre that happens to you, since, as
they say, the mass media won't listen to you.
A REAL FAMILY MAN
The Weekly World News (you know the one:
"95-year-old Grandmother gives birth to three-headed Siamese twins")
reports that 60-year-old Charles Manson is looking for "a special
little lady who will love, respect and nurture me, warts and all." To
help lonely old Chuck, the "news"paper has started a "Bride of Manson"
contest, asking for 100-words-or-less explanations as to why you would
make a perfect wife for Charlie, and they promise to forward all
responses to the Man himself in prison. They quote Manson as saying "I
don't want no egghead...I don't want no idiots, either." Well, Charlie, I
think it's safe to assume you'll be getting an idiot, ok?
REAL LIFE FIGHT CLUB
The New York Daily News reports that as many as 40 amateur "backyard wrestling" clubs have sprung up in New York, where (mostly) teenaged boys practice wrestling moves as seen on TV. The reporter for the Daily News witnessed "14-year-old boys smashing each other with wooden poles until they splintered, landing 'chair shots' to the head, diving from platforms or rooftops onto their opponents, slamming each other through plywood tables, and even engaging in 'barbed-wire' and 'fire' matches."
REAL LIFE FIGHT CLUB, PART II
Bizarre magazine reports that a real
"Fight Club", complete with a dank "shitty-pub spare room" has started
in Manchester, where "a rat bag of hooligans and crazies have got their
own rumble scene going on". Inspired, of course, by David Fincher's
awesome film (obviously not being viewed for its social commentary,
biting satire, or brilliant dialogue), these boys find that "the call
of the wild is still pretty damn strong in these designer times and
your instinctive urge to run with the pack and fight like a mean and
dirty dog still lurks snarling just beneath the surface." Uhhh, right.
And you're bored of soccer riots, I take it?
TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS
Ashrita Furman, the man who holds the
world's record for holding the largest number of world records
(classics like yodeling for 27 hours and balancing 57 glasses on his
chin) is trying to get his latest world record certified after he rode
his pogo stick for one mile in Antarctica. "Breaking Guinness records
brings me ever closer to my inner truth," he claims. (Reuters)
WALKING ON WATER
Another world's record holder, a Frenchman named Remy
Bricka who walked across the Atlantic Ocean in 1988, is currently
walking across the Pacific Ocean from Los Angeles to Sydney, Australia.
His contraption includes a pair of canoe-like floating skis, a paddle
and a small catamaran which he tows along and in which he sleeps.
(World Explorer)
IN SEARCH OF...
The United Nations has anted up about $1.6 billion
towards building the world's largest radio telescope, one that will be
able to scan more than a million stars in a search for intelligent
extraterrestrial life by finding "television and radio transmissions,
or signals broadcast by alien civilizations." Scientists at the
International Astronomical Union in Manchester have drawn up the plans
that will include hundreds of antennae or dishes scattered across
thousands of miles and linked by some of the most powerful computers on
Earth. The project is expected to take 12 to 15 years. (Sunday Times)
KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON
A German psychologist who claims that "running
around without clothes on is the most natural thing in the world," has
been fined 2,400 Deutch Marks by the city of Freiburg and ordered to
keep his clothes on in the future. (Bizarre)
THE NAKED LEADING THE GULLIBLE
A man in Java, 36-year-old Shaman
Suryono, has been arrested after pulling a scam on women with promises
that his magical powers would grant them their wishes. But first, he
instructed them, they must lie naked in his bedroom and wait for a
genie to appear who would grant their wishes if they did exactly as
what they were told. By the way, Suryono said, the genie will look
exactly like me. Suryono not only had his way with at least 35 women,
but he also charged them for his "services". How come a bright guy like
that isn't in politics? (Jakarta Post)
STORIES WE'RE SORRY TO HAVE MISSED
Some actual news headlines from
around the world: "Legless Priest Steals Armless Man's Wife" (News of
the World, Oct. 3, 1999); "Squirrels Eating Tokyo", (High Desert
Advocate, Sept. 15, 1999); "Dead Man Catches 23 lb. Carp" (News of the
World, Oct. 3, 1999; "Bird Crime Up", (Daily Telegraph, Sept. 23, 1999;
"Sick Skunks Overrun Massachusetts" (Lewiston Sun Journal, Oct. 21,
1999.
Go to:
Copyright 2000 by Andreas Ohrt
(604) 608-6909
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com
