September 14, 2000
WE'RE SURE YOU'LL ENJOYING WALKING 3 HOURS TO WORK IN THE RAIN
Well, those
crazy kids at Adbusters are at it again, intent on swamping us with
anti-holidays, it would seem. First it was Buy Nothing Day, then TV Turnoff
Week, and now, next Thursday, Sept. 21, World Car Free Day. As always, their
intentions are impeccable, but seriously, there's just no way. Until we burn
every ounce of fossil fuel on this planet, those solar powered miracle
gadgets are going to be suppressed just as fervently as the cure for cancer.
And why not have Car Free Day on a Sunday, as they've been doing in some
European cities for the past year? At least that way people may have a chance
to forsake the car and we'd all get a better idea of how blissful it could
be. Next Thursday, I'm afraid, will be as car-infested as any other workday.
But anyway, good luck to ya.
(www.adbusters.org)
CHUPACABRA ALERT
The decomposing body of what some consider to be the
Chupacabra is being studied at the Hospital Escuela de Leon in Nicaragua,
after being killed by a farmer on August 27. Jorge Luis Talavera claims that
the creature sucked the blood of 25 sheep on his farm and 35 of his
neighbour's sheep in 15 days. Finally, after staying up all night with a
shotgun, he spotted two of the creatures amidst a flock of his sheep and
goats. After killing one of them, he described it as having naked bat-like
skin, a head like a bull, huge eye cavities, big claws and fangs, and a
crocodile-like crest running down its neck. (La Prensa de Nicaragua)
BIZARRE MEDICAL CONDITION OF THE WEEK
Ever heard of "Anarchic Hand"? Sounds
cool, but you probably don't want it. Only 40 cases of this condition have
been documented, in which one hand seems to have a will of its own, and
"argues" with the other hand about things like which TV channel to watch, or
what to eat. Professor of Neuropsychology at the University of Aberdeen, UK,
Sergio Della Salla has started to study this phenomenon in relation to our
ideas of free will. "The patients are aware of the bizarre and potentially
hazardous behaviour of their hand but have great difficulty inhibiting it,"
he says, "they often refer to the feeling that one of their hands behaves as
if it has its own will but never deny that this capricious hand is part of
their own body." Sounds like a good excuse next time you're caught
shoplifting. "It's the anarchic hand, man!" (BBC)
DEADLY VIRUSES: FROM OUR LAB TO YOUR HOME
South Africa's health minister,
Dr. Manto Tshabalala-Msimang is under fire after he began circulating a
controversial theory that claims that AIDS is a manufactured virus that was
introduced to Africa by a global conspiracy intent on reducing that
continent's population ("useless eaters" as Henry Kissinger once called
them). His information comes from a book by William Cooper, Behold a Pale
Horse, which claims the Illuminati introduced AIDS to Africa via the smallpox
vaccine in 1978. The book also alleges that the cure for AIDS is being
suppressed until it kills "enough" people. Sound farfetched? You'd be
surprised at the research available to back up this theory. Although I
haven't read Cooper's book, I highly recommend The Plague Makers by Jefferey
Fisher, and Emerging Viruses, by Len Horowitz. Both with freak the shit out
of you. (The Independent)
THE BEST REASON YET TO START THAT DIET
According to Dr. J. Francois Eid,
director of the Male Sexual Function Unit of New York Presbyterian Hospital,
eating fatty foods that lead to cholesterol-saturated blood and hardened
arteries will shorten your penis. Studies showed that blood supply is reduced
when arteries are lined with cholesterol, and this lack of blood has a
dramatic effect on penis size. Dr. Eid claims "for every 35 pounds of weight
loss, there is an apparent increase in penile length of 1 inch" Hmmm, I could
weigh 28 pounds but have a 10-inch-dick...groovy. (AP)
MORE DEPRESSING STATISTICS
NASA News reported on Sept. 7th
that "the largest
ozone hole ever was found over the Antarctic". The hole
measured a record
size 11 million square miles or, to put it in perspective,
three times the
size of the United States' landmass. This beats the previous
record of 10.5
million square miles, measured on Sept. 19, 1998.
GREAT BALLS OF FIRE
Indian scientists claimed this week that
India's Tezpur
chili is the hottest chili in the world, hotter than Mexico's
Red Savina
Habanero, which is widely believed to be the world's hottest
chili. Their
test, which measures "Scoville units of pure capsaicin"
(whatever that is)
found the Tezpur chili had 855,000 Scovile units, compared to
557,000 units
in the Mexican chili. (Reuters)
YOU WON'T BE GETTING ANY VISITORS TO YOUR GRAVE, THOUGH
A
Texas-based
company, Celestis Inc., which has sent the remains of over
100 people into
orbit around Earth, is now planning on offering a service
which will have
your ashes spread on the surface of the moon. (USA Today)
NEXT STOP, JAIL
A man in Rio De Janeiro who robbed bus
passengers of over
$800 got off the bus in front of 410 police officers gathered
for an official
ceremony. The commanding general of the military police
himself had the
pleasure of nabbing the gunman. (Reuters)
Go to:
Copyright 2000 by Andreas Ohrt
(604) 608-6909
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com
