No. 478 - November 6, 2008
Disease Fighting Beer and Boogers

WE’LL KNOW IT WORKS WHEN THE DRUG COMPANIES PATENT YOUR SNOT
If modern medicine hasn’t cured what ails you but you can’t quite stomach the idea of trying something as unorthodox as urine therapy, it might be time to consider picking your nose and eating your boogers. An Austrian doctor, Professor Friedrich Bischinger, claims that people who pick their nose and eat it are healthier, happier, and more in tune with their bodies. He claims that the nose is a natural filter for various bacteria, which is true enough, but goes on to suggest that eating this mass of gunk will stimulate the intestines like a powerful medicine which strengthens the immune system. "Modern medicine is constantly trying to do the same thing through far more complicated methods," says the doctor. "People who pick their nose and eat it get a natural boost to their immune system for free." (DamnInteresting.com)

THE CURE FOR SOBRIETY
Drunk frat boys are finally turning their thirst for beer to the greater good. A team of six students at Rice University in Houston are trying to create the world’s first disease-fighting beer with a genetic modification that will imbue their brew with resveratrol, the chemical in red wine which fights cancer and heart disease. Their hope is that resveratrol will have a greater effect in beer because you would need to drink about half a bottle of wine per day to get the benefits that have been discovered in lab animals. The students are now in the process of developing a strain of yeast that will create beer with higher concentrations of the disease-fighting chemical than is possible in wine. (Fox News)

HOW TO SMASH YOUR COMPETITION
The 2008 World Rock Paper Scissors Championship celebrated its first ever all female final throwdown as Monica Martinez of Toronto took home the $10,000 prize with a final match that had scissors slicing up paper. Martinez battled for over five hours against competitors from Canada, the U.S., Australia, New Zealand, Norway and Argentina in front of her hometown crowd of over 700 players and spectators at Toronto’s Steam Whistle Brewery. Hit up WorldRPS.com to join the festivities next year and get the nitty-gritty on Rock Paper Scissors strategy.

BUT WHERE WILL YOU FIND A JURY OF HIS PEERS?
The Nebraskan senator who tried to file a lawsuit against God last year has had his case thrown out because legal papers cannot be served since God has no fixed address. Last year Senator Ernie Chambers tried to file a permanent injunction against God in order to stop Him from causing any more “fearsome floods... horrendous hurricanes, and terrifying tornadoes.” Chambers is considering appealing the decision as he claims that an omniscient being wouldn’t need legal papers to know that he is being sued. “Since God knows everything,” said Chambers, “God has notice of this lawsuit.” (BBC)

I DREAM OF TV
Strange new dream research has discovered that you only dream in colour if you had a colour television set as a child. The study found that people who only had black and white television between the ages of three and 10 tend to dream in black and white images. (The Telegraph)

BETTY OR VERONICA?
A Japanese man who has fallen in love with a comic book character has created an online petition to persuade the government to let them get married. So far the king of the dorks has gathered 1000 of the million signatures he hopes for. “ For a long time I have only been able to fall in love with two-dimensional people and currently I have someone I really love,” he explained, adding that “I would even like to become a resident of the two-dimensional world.” Good luck with that! (News.com.au)

BURGER HELL
A 21-year-old man in Pennsylvania is the first person to ever finish eating the Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser, a 20 pound hamburger served at a pub about 100 miles northeast of Pittsburgh. It took Brad Sciullo four hours and 39 minutes to choke down the monstrosity in order to win $400, three T-shirts, a certificate of achievement, and a burger hangover. (AP)

ACID DROPPERS DROPPING
A team of researchers at the University of Michigan which has been tracking the illicit drug habits of America’s high-school students since 1975 has discovered an enormous drop in the popularity of LSD amongst today’s youths. As recently as 2001, 6.6 per cent of high school seniors reported dropping acid. This figure fell to 3.5 per cent in 2002, and plummeted to 1.9 in 2003. While the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency is taking credit for the demise of LSD, claiming that two arrests in November of 2000 reduced the LSD supply by up to 95 per cent, most analysts agree that the decline of LSD began the day that Jerry Garcia died in 1995. Apparently, the traveling roadshow of the Grateful Dead was the glue which kept the nation’s network of LSD users and dealers connected. While the band Phish kept the party going for a few more years, after they stopped touring in 2000 figures for acid use began to plummet. (Slate)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
A “Roddenberry” is a unit of measurement equal to 4.157 trillion miles.

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