No. 462 - July 17, 2008
World's Worst Tourists and World's Best Chess Boxer

GET YOUR ASS KICKED AND YOUR INTELLECT HUMILIATED
The world crowned a new Chess Boxing champion last week as 19-year-old Nikolai Sazhin of Russia defeated Frank Stoldt, the 37-year-old German man who won the first ever World Chess Boxing title last year in Berlin. "I took a lot of body-blows in the fourth round and that affected my concentration. That's why I made a big mistake in the fifth round: I did not see him coming for my king,'' explained the former champ. So what the heck is Chess Boxing? It’s exactly what it sounds like. A battle of body and mind in which competitors engage in alternating rounds of chess and boxing. According to the official rules at the World Chess Boxing Organization website a full contest consists of 11 rounds -- six four-minute rounds of chess and five two-minute rounds of boxing. A match can be won by checkmate or knockout, or by outscoring your opponent in boxing if the chess match results in a stalemate.

WORLD’S WORST TOURISTS
Congratulations America! You are no longer the world’s most obnoxious tourists. Not even close. A survey of employees in 4,000 European hotels revealed that the Chinese have taken over the number one spot in this category followed closely by the Indians and French. The Japanese took top honours as the most quiet, polite and tidy tourists, followed by Germans, Brits and Canadians. On the other hand, the Chinese, Indians and French were stereotyped as loud, argumentative and cheap. The French were also reprimanded for their unwillingness to try speaking local languages and their inability to leave a tip. (Time.com)

BELIEVE IT OR NOT - MEN LIKE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
More pointless science from evolutionary psychology students at Florida Atlantic University. Their research has revealed the astonishing fact that men have sex (pardon me, “in-pair copulation”) more often if their partners are attractive and aren’t quite as eager to do it with less attractive partners. But don’t jump to any obvious conclusions... the researchers claim that a man’s desire to have sex with hot chicks has nothing to do with their inherent hotness, but is simply a remnant from our caveman pasts. In this explanation men simply have sex with attractive partners more often because they are trying to mark their territory and hold on to a mate who is more likely to be pursued by other knuckle-draggers. Who said men aren’t romantic? If that stunning research isn’t enough to bring on the Nobel prize, the same students also carried out other experiments which prove, they claim, that women have more success using flirtation to get help with something than men do. Shocking! (Canada.com)

THE DARK AGES CONTINUE
The Texas Supreme Court has ruled that it’s quite alright to abuse and torment people as long as it’s done in the name of religion. In an appeal of a bizarre case of a woman who sued her former church for conducting an exorcism on her, the court overturned a previous $300,000 claim for damages against the church. The woman had won the settlement for physical damages and psychological distress caused by an exorcism performed on her at the age of 17, but the judges on the Supreme Court ruled that holding the church liable for the abuse and imprisonment of the girl "would have an unconstitutional 'chilling effect' by compelling the church to abandon core principles of its religious beliefs." (Associated Press)

MOSQUITOES SUCK
If you’re planning to do some summer camping this year you might want to test this cool old folklore for dealing with mosquitoes. Supposedly, holding your breath while the mosquito is sucking your blood will lock the bug’s mouth to your skin which will enable you to smash (I mean capture and release) the bug at your leisure. But wait, there’s more... hold your breath long enough and the now trapped mosquito will continue to suck blood until the entire little critter explodes! If that doesn’t impress the chicks, I don’t know what will.

HOW TO SHIT IN THE WOODS
While you practice holding your breath in anticipation of your next camping trip you might also want to log on to TheBrownCorporation.com to order yourself a Shit Box. According to the website, the Shit Box is a “lightweight portable cardboard toilet made specifically for outdoor use. The box pops up from a convenient 14 inch flat pack to a rigid, reusable, comfortable toilet. Each box comes with 10 degradable poo bags.”

THE MOST BORING JOB IN THE UNIVERSE
A team of astronomers at the Australian National University Research School of Astronomers claim to have finished the most accurate calculation ever of the number of stars in the visible universe. Using some of the most powerful telescopes on Earth the team counted galaxies near the Milky Way, estimated the number of stars in each galaxy and extrapolated the number to cover the entire visible universe, approximately 250,000 galaxies worth. Team leader Simon Driver claims that his team counted 70 sextillion stars - or 70 thousand million million - more than every grain of sand on all the beaches and deserts on Earth. “This is not the total number of stars in the universe," Driver explained, “but it's the number within the range of our telescopes." (SpaceDaily.com)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
Phallomancy is the ancient art of reading a man’s personality by analyzing the shape and size of his penis.

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