July 27, 2000

DON'T FORGET THE DRINKING, DRIVING, AND SHOOTING AT FAGGOTS COMPETITION

East Dublin, Georgia is celebrating its fourth successful year of the Summer Redneck Games, started in 1996 as an alternative to the Olympics. Events include the cigarette flip, the mudpit belly flop, bobbin for pigs' feet, the big hair contest, the hubcap hurl, the seed-spitting contest, bug-zapper spitball, dumpster diving and the armpit serenade. And you just might meet a relative you haven't had sex with yet. Yeee-haaaw! (American Bizarro)

HEY TOUGH GUY

The Tough Guy competition, held each year in the UK, is definitely the most difficult and dangerous race held on the planet. About 4,000 "deliriously mad" competitors begin with an 8-mile "warm up" run, then tackle the 8-mile obstacle course, designed by an ex-Grenadier Guard and said to have three times the "punishing assault obstacles" of a Marine training course. Obstacles include "Killing Fields", "Murder Mile", "Fiery Holes", "Barbed Wire Crawl", and "The Behemoth Tree-Top Rope Crossing". Climbing "The Tiger" - a 30 by 150-foot monster laced with electric shock wires set at twice the strength of that used in deterring cattle - is no picnic, but the toughest obstacle has to be "The Viet Cong Saigon Blackhole Tunnels of Terror". Happily, despite numerous near-deaths and countless serious injuries, no one has yet died on this course. Go on, ya big baby, why not be the first? (www.whatsgoingon.com)

SHE AIN'T HEAVY, SHE'S MY WIFE

The town of Sonkajarvi, Finland, is home to the World Wife Carrying Championships. This festival originated in the 19th century when it was common practice to steal women from neighbouring villages. This year's winner took home some cash, a mobile phone, a heap of rye bread, as well as the traditional prize - his wife's weight in beer. (www.sonkajarvi.fi)

BANG YOUR HEAD AGAINST AN IMAGINARY WALL

Finland also hosts the Annual World Air Guitar Championships, now in its third year. Last year the event's organizer tried to establish a worldwide 30 minutes of air guitar playing for world peace. He hoped that "if everyone plays air guitar at the same time, soldiers will have to lay down their weapons, crime will stop and all viruses and bacteria will be paralyzed by the collective air guitar energy." Didn't happen. (Tourism Finland)

IT'S PAYBACK TIME

And even more from those crazy Finns: the town of Pelkosenniemi holds the annual World Mosquito Killing Championships. Each competitor has five minutes to kill as many mosquitos by hand - "no machinery or chemical weapons are permitted," state the rules. (FHM)

BUT CAN THEY OUTRUN A BIG BOOT?

Brisbane, Australia, 1982: two drunks are arguing over which part of town has the fastest cockroaches. Their solution: pit the cockroaches in a head-to-head race in the bar's parking lot. And so a legendary competition is born. Today, the World Championship Cockroach Races (billed as "the greatest gathering of thoroughbred cockroaches in the known universe") attracts over 6,000 spectators and offers $500 in prize money. Past winners include Soft Cocky, Cocky Balboa, Cocky Dundee, Drain Lover, and Priscella - Queen of the Drains. (www.whatsgoingon.com)

HAPPY PUBLIC TOILET DAY

The town of Granite Falls, Washington held its first ever Toilet Festival last Saturday, to celebrate the completion of its first public restroom. The festivities included a toilet paper cutting ceremony and a toilet-themed art exhibit. What? No farting contest, no feces sculpting, no long-distance peeing competition? Come on, folks, use your imaginations. (AP)

RUN, DUMBO, RUN

Despite protests from animal rights activists, over 40,000 spectators paid to watch Europe's first ever elephant races, held on July 16 in Berlin, Germany. Bernhard Blaszkiewitz, director of the Berlin Zoo, tried to make his point against the races: "the days are thankfully long gone when chimpanzees were dressed up in lederhosen and made to smoke cigars for the amusement of zoo visitors." Did they really do that? Now that I would pay money to see. (Reuters)

CASH GRAB

The annual harvest festival in Tamil Nadu, India, includes a day of thanks to the cattle which work the fields and provide milk. The highlight of the day is the jalikattu race, in which bags of money are attached to the horns of angry bulls, and the young men of the village try to avoid being gouged, trampled or crushed to death as they try to grab the cash. (Bizarre)

PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD

The world's largest food fight happens the last Wednesday of August in the Spanish town of Buñol, during the La Tomatina festival, supposedly started in the 1940s when locals starting hucking tomatos at politicians at an anti-Franco rally. The "celebration" has grown to the point where now over 20,000 participants throw over 90,000 pounds of rotting vegetables at each other, including over 150,000 tomatoes. After the messy battle, everyone heads down to the river for a mass plunge into the water. (www.festivals.com)

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Copyright 2000 by Andreas Ohrt (604) 803-7485
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com