No. 459 - June 26, 2008
Quit Whining, Eat Meat, Steal Music

FREE ANAL PROBES FOR THE FIRST 500 VISITORS
There’s still time to be abducted and dropped off in Roswell, New Mexico for the Annual Roswell UFO Festival starting on July 3. This is a celebration of that infamous day in 1947 when a UFO crashed on Hub Corn's ranch and launched the entire industry of UFO/Military conspiracies. The fun includes an Alien Parade, a Flying Saucer Pancake Eating Contest, the Alien Haunted House and UFO Disc Golf, Soccer and Mud Volleyball. And don't forget to stop by the UFO Trade Show and pick me up a tacky souvenir. Get your tix at RoswellUFOFestival.com

SUCK IT UP, PRINCESS
Next time life throws you a curveball you might just want to suck it up instead of whining about it to anyone who’ll listen. A new study from the University of Buffalo claims that, contrary to conventional wisdom, people who do not express their feelings after a traumatic event actually end up coping better than people who are encouraged to share their feelings. For example, instead of urging students to seek counseling after something as intense as a school shooting, the study suggests that most people will cope just fine as time goes by. “We should be telling people there is likely nothing wrong if they do not want to express their thoughts and feelings after experiencing a collective trauma,” said the lead author of the study. “In fact, they can cope quite successfully and, according to our results, are likely to be better off than someone who does want to express his or her feelings." (ScienceDaily.com)

DEAR DIARY, YOU MAKE ME SICK
The above story reminded me of research from a few years ago which discovered that people who regularly write in diaries are more likely to suffer from headaches, sleeplessness, digestive problems and social awkwardness. Dr. Elaine Duncan of Glasco Caledonian University carried out the study to test the common belief that writing can be cathartic. “We expected diary keepers to have some benefit,” said Dr. Duncan. Instead, they found that the diary writers had significantly more health problems than non-writers, and those who wrote about traumatic events were the affected most negatively. Duncan speculated that by constantly writing about the negative events of their lives, diarists may never get over those events, and so they manifest in various health disorders. “It’s probably better not to get caught in a ruminative, repetitive cycle,” she explained, adding that “you’re probably much better off if you don’t write anything at all.” (New Scientist)

IT’S 2008, DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR GRANDMA IS?
A Croatian woman who died 42 years ago was found last week still sitting in front of her television set with a cup of tea. Last seen in 1966, neighbours had assumed that the woman had moved away from town. Instead, police in Zagreb found her remains after an investigation was initiated to discover who owned her flat. No explanation was given as to how the woman could have remain undiscovered in her own apartment. (Daily Record)

MY PARENTS MADE ME DO IT
Before you name your next child some rare and unique (read: flaky) name you might want to pay heed to a study from the University of British Columbia which found that kids with unpopular names are more likely to end up in trouble with the law than kids with more common names. “There is a positive correlation between unpopular first names and juvenile delinquency,” said the author of this study, which tracked 15,021 kids in an unnamed American town between the years 1987 and 2005. The researchers calculated that for every 10 per cent increase in the popularity of a name there is an associated 3.7 per cent decrease in the number of troublemaking kids with that name. (Calgary Herald)

MEAT MAY BE MURDER, BUT NO MEAT IS JUST STUPID
More proof that it’s a bad idea to just let anyone have a baby. Scottish police are considering child abuse charges for a couple who have raised their child as a strict vegan since birth. Thanks to the diet the 12-year-old girl was admitted to the hospital last week with a degenerative bone condition which has left her with a number of fractured bones and the spine of an 80-year-old woman. (Times UK)

STEAL THIS HEADLINE
Three cheers for a dying breed: old-school rockers who are a bad influence on children. Last week Kid Rock defied a request from his record label to stand up against illegal downloading by urging kids to steal his songs. “I don't care,” he told reporters. “I want you to hear my music so I can play live." He then went on to suggest that people “should steal everything,” including gas. "You know how much money the oil companies have? If you need some gas, just go fill your tank and drive off, they're not going to miss it." When asked if he would follow his own advice, Kid Rock explained "No, I don't steal things. I'm rich."
(BBC)

SPAM SELLS
If you’ve ever wondered why you receive dozens of stupid spam messages ever day, it’s because, believe it or not, they work. According to a global survey of 37,000 internet users, a whopping 20 per cent of internet users say they have bought products advertised through spam. This means that one out of every five people you know is a completely ignorant moron (not you, of course!). The survey also found that most people would be more devastated by losing e-mail access than by losing their television set. (azcentral.com)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
The citizens of El Paso, Texas, have the worst sense of humor in America.

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