CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

No. 444 - March 13, 2008
Just say no to drugs, freeloaders, crotch scratching and death

LIVING IS FREE -- FOR EVERYTHING ELSE THERE’S MASTERCARD
A British man who had started a pilgrimage from Bristol, England to Porbander, India (the birthplace of Gandhi) while relying entirely on the kindness of strangers for the journey was forced to end his trip as soon as he ran into France. Mark Boyle, 28, a member of a “Freeconomy” movement which wants to rid society of money, left Bristol four weeks ago with no cash and nothing but his faith in human nature to successfully complete his mission. Instead, the French simply assumed he was a low-life hoodlum and he was unable to find free food or lodging. In one of the last journal entries of his trip, Boyle wrote: “Not only did no one not speak the language, they had also seen us as just a bunch of freeloading backpackers, which is the complete opposite of what the pilgrimage is really about... That really scared us and given that we now were pretty much out of food, hadn't slept in days and were really cold, we had to reassess the whole situation." He now plans to walk around the coast of Britain instead while learning French so he can try again next year. (BBC)

FUNNY PAGES MINUS THE FUNNY

If you’ve grown disillusioned with the boring comic strips on the funny pages, check out the brilliant “Garfield Minus Garfield” website where someone has posted a great collection of Garfield comic strips after photoshopping Garfield out of the strip. What remains is Garfield’s lonely owner, Jon, in a surreal and darkly funny strip about the empty desperation of modern life. “Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle,” says the intro to the site. “Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and methamphetamine addiction in a quiet American suburb.” Check it out at at GarfieldMinusGarfield.Tumblr.com.

MONEY FOR NOTHING
A Dutch student has cracked the puzzle of how to stay in bed all day and earn a living without resorting to porn. Yde Van Deutekon, 22, is selling advertising on his website -- SleepingRich.com -- which features nothing more than a webcam shot of him lying around in bed. "Sleeping is just a hobby of mine, and it is the only thing I'm very good at,” he says. “That's all I want to do. And I want to stay in bed until I'm very rich." His first 21 days in bed fetched him 450,00 hits and $7000 in advertising.

THOU SHALT NOT DO DRUGS
An Israeli professor of cognitive philosophy has claimed that Moses was probably tripping on hallucinogenic drugs when he received the Ten Commandments from God. Writing in the British journal “Time and Mind,” professor Benny Shanon explained that two naturally-occurring plants on the Sinai Peninsula have the same mind-altering effects as the currently trendy psychotropic plant Ayahuasca which grows in the Amazon jungle. "I have no direct proof of this interpretation," he says. However, "it seems logical that something was altered in people's consciousness. There are other stories in the Bible that mention the use of plants.” Specifically, he believes that the Israelites used two plants in their rituals: wild rue, which is still used as a hallucinogen by the Bedoin to this day; and the acacia tree, which also has psychedelic properties and is mentioned in the Bible as being the type of wood out of which the Ark of the Covenant was built. (ABC News)

MY PARENTS FORCED ME TO BECOME A NEUROSCIENTIST BUT ALL I REALLY WANTED TO DO WAS EXPERIMENT WITH DRUGS
Speaking of mind-altering drugs, Swiss scientists have confirmed that getting high on magic mushrooms really does make it feel as if time slows down. If you’re not high on psilocybin right now you can go read the details of the experiments at Blog.Wired.com.

NEED A GIFT FOR YOUR PLUMBER?
It’s still early enough in the year to send you over to PrankPalace.com where you can order The Official 2008 Butt Crack Calendar, which has a lovely photo of a different butt crack for every month of the year.

NO CURE FOR ITCHY BALLS
Time for another curious travel advisory, this one for men planning a trip to Italy. According to a ruling from that country’s court of appeal it is now illegal to scratch your crotch in public. Italian men seem to believe that holding or touching your crotch wards off bad luck, but the new ruling is trying to crack down on the custom with a 200 Euro fine. "The touching of genitalia in public is a sign of ill manners and must be considered against public decency,” explained the judge while secretly fingering his willy underneath his robe. (Sky.com)

TIME’S UP, GET OUT
According to a survey of sex therapists across North America the ideal length of time for a romp in the sack is about eight minutes. The therapists also advised that 1.25 minutes of sex is too short, 4.91 minutes is adequate, and anything over 19.96 minutes is too long. (Globe & Mail)

THE DEATH PENALTY
The mayor of the small French village of Sarpourenx has forbidden its residents from dying as there is no more room in the town’s overcrowded cemetery for any more burials. "All persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish,” read the proclamation, which promised that "offenders will be severely punished". (Reuters)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
Dog theft for ransom is the fastest growing crime in the United Kingdom.

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