CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

No. 443 - March 6, 2008
Depression, Unemployment, and Cheese Problems Solved

GO JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS TITLE
It’s time once again to head over to TheBookseller.com and register your vote for the Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year. The contest is now in its 30th year and after much debate the shortlist is down to six must-read titles including “I Was Tortured By the Pygmy Love Queen,” “How to Write a How to Write Book,” and “Are Women Human?” When I cast my vote for “Cheese Problems Solved” I noticed that the current leader is a book called “If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs.”

YOU’RE JUST PRETENDING TO BE DEPRESSED
After using the Freedom of Information Act to obtain the full test results of antidepressant drugs, scientists have published a report claiming that Prozac and similar drugs do not work any better than placebos. The study examined all available data including clinical tests which manufacturers such as GlaxoSmithKline and Eli Lilly originally chose not to publish. Overall, all except the most severely depressed patients improved equally whether given a prescription drug or a sugar pill. "Given these results, there seems little reason to prescribe antidepressant medication to any but the most severely depressed patients, unless alternative treatments have failed," said the report’s lead researcher, professor Irving Kirsch of the department of psychology at Hull University. The results were the same for all of the antidepressants for which they were able to obtain unpublished test results, including Prozac, Seroxat, Effexor and Serzone. (The Guardian)

THE WAR ON HAIR
A 26-year-old South Korean man has won his lawsuit against the army after claiming that his three years of military service was so stressful that his hair fell out. Originally the army dismissed his complaints but a subsequent court ruling granted the man a “person-of-national-merit” status, which entitles him to a monthly state subsidy and other social benefits from the government. The court ruled that "given various facts... including that the loss of hair began in the military service, the alopecia was caused by stress pertaining to training and missions in the military life." (AFP)

IN THE FUTURE, YOU MIGHT HAVE A JOB

I may have just found the perfect job opportunity for unemployed readers of this column. The Echo Park Time Travel Mart in Los Angeles is looking for someone to run their store. This is the place to go if you’re visiting from the past or the future and are missing some essential items from home such as Mammoth Chunks, Barbarian Repellent, or Anti-Robot Fluid. While you’re there grab yourself a Time-Freezy Hyper Slush (which is out of order, unfortunately, but promised to be working if you come back yesterday). You can apply for this job at 826la.org.

FYI
The next generation of slang has arrived as teens are now creating new slang words based on the predictive text function on cell phones. For example, when you try to text the word “cool” the first word that comes up is “book” -- so now book means cool. Likewise, your mum is now your nun, kiss is now lips, and going down to the pub for a pint has been replaced by going to the sub for a shot. On a similar note, I found a website of texting shorthand at NetLingo.com/emailsh.cfm where you can learn great new phrases to text such as 4Q (Fork You), WMPL (Wet My Pants Laughing), SITCOMs (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage), and IHA (I Hate Acronyms) (Ananova)

THERE IS NO GOD BUT YODA
If nobody wants to be your friend you can always join the Jedi Church, founded in 2003 by two dorky brothers in the UK and just now receiving the media attention that they really don’t deserve. Barney and Daniel Jones (aka Master Jonba Hehol and Master Morda Hehol) plan to hold regular church services to honour the good knights of the Star Wars franchise. They say their services will include sermons on "the Force," light sabre training, and meditation techniques. Join them you can at Jedi-Church.co.uk.

JUST TRY NOT TO BREATHE WHILE YOU’RE DRINKING IT
It seems counter-intuitive that a filthy megatropolis with some of the worst air pollution in the world would win a drinking water contest, yet somehow Los Angeles has won an international competition to find the world’s tastiest tap water. Judges at the 18th Annual Berkeley Springs International Water Tasting competition gave Los Angeles first prize in the category of “Best Municipal Water in 2008” based on of taste, odor, mouth feel, aftertaste and the absence of things floating in the water. (Fox News)

POST SOMETHING ON THE NET AND SEE IF ANYONE BELIEVES IT DAY
I’m not so sure why you should beware the ides of March, but there are some other days this month which you better keep your head up for, such as Be Nasty Day (Mar. 8), Everything You Think Is Wrong Day (Mar. 15), Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day (Mar. 20), National Goof-off Day (Mar. 22), and, of course, don’t miss Make Up Your Own Holiday Day on March 26.

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
If you let your cat and all her offspring breed for ten years they’ll produce 80,399,780 kittens.

Search this site