CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

No. 442 - February 28, 2008
Hello, My Name is Brfxxccxxmnpcccllmmnprxvdmnckssqlbb11

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE PUNK’D BY SATAN
Just a few weeks ago the Polish Catholic Church announced plans to open its first exorcism center staffed with 50 working exorcists to deal with that country’s growing demographic of people who believe they are possessed by the devil. But it turns out the entire world might be infected, as the Roman Catholic Church has just announced a new initiative which will train hundreds of priests as exorcists in order to fight the rise of Satan’s army. According to Father Gabriele Amorth, the Pope's Exorcist-in-Chief, the increase of people dabbling with Satanism and the occult has led to a dramatic rise in demon possessions in every Catholic nation. "Thanks be to God that we have a Pope who has decided to fight the Devil head-on,” said the Father. “We are not very plentiful and certainly need more of us to cope with the big occult following that is emerging today.” (The Telegraph)

FAT, STUPID, AND EATING TAPEWORMS IS NO WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE
You wouldn’t think you’d have to warn people not to eat parasitic worms in order to lose weight... but you’d be wrong. Hong Kong health officials were forced to put out just such a warning last week after products containing worm eggs were being promoted as a diet aid on a commercial website. Rather than help you lose weight, the health department warned that ingesting parasitic worms would cause pain, vomiting and diarrhea and could prove difficult to get rid of. "Ascaris infestation may also be fatal due to serious complications in human bodies such as intestinal, biliary tract or pancreatic duct obstruction. The worms may invade such organs as the lungs," warned a spokesman. (AFP)

BUGS FOR DINNER

Okay, so eating parasitic worms is off the menu, but there’s a growing movement to use bugs and insects as a way to help feed the world. Sites such as Food-Insects.com claim that bugs are as healthy as traditional livestock but don’t have all the negative environmental impacts of farming animals for food. According to the author of a book called “The Revolution Will Not Be Microwaved,” grasshoppers are surprisingly tasty, filling, and taste "something like popcorn,” crickets are incredibly high in calcium and potassium, roasted grubs make a fat-filled protein snack, earthworms make a very nutritious flour, and raw ant eggs taste like couscous.

BOREPLAY
Parenting Magazine has coined the new word “Choreplay” after its survey found that 15 percent of moms said that their idea of foreplay is when their husband does some chores around the house.

JUST CALL ME “BARF”
Go search Wikipedia for the phrase "Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116" for the story of the weirdest name ever given to a child. Poor Brfxx... is the offspring of a Swedish couple who didn’t really want to saddle their child with a name and ended up being fined 5,000 kronor (around $700) for failing to register their kid’s name. As a protest to the fine the parents came up with Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 (pronounced "/'al?bin/”), which they claimed was “a pregnant, expressionistic development that we see as an artistic creation." After being rejected yet again, the parents offered to name their child “A,” but so far the Swedish government has not accepted the compromise.

SEX, DRUGS, ROCK AND SWEEP

Just when you thought that ideas for “reality” shows couldn’t get any worse comes a report out of the Toronto Star which claims that NBC is planning a show called “Rockstar Curling” which will pit rock stars against each other in a curling match. Thrillsville! Apparently they are in negotiations with “closet curlers” Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi to become the host of the show. Oh yeah, and they’re not doing it for the love of rock n’ roll or curling, but for the love of corporate sponsorship. According to one of the executives working on this show, “the sport of curling is clutter-free compared to mainstream American sports sponsorship... Rockstar Curling is an excellent opportunity for brands to capture the attention of consumers, leading up to the Olympics."

HEADLINE OF THE WEEK
As seen at the website of Orlando, Florida’s WFTV News: “Man Found Naked, Intoxicated, Urinating From Lookout Tower In Park.”

WE DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER
A strange case of parallel lives came to an end last week as a Sioux Falls, Iowa couple who were born on the same day also died on the exact same day of unrelated health issues. Diana and Kent Kraft, both born on Sept. 2, 1941, were married way back in 1964 and their entwined lives came to a close as both passed away on Saturday, Feb. 17. (Arugsleader.com)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
Thirty percent of kindergarten children in Hong Kong believe that their parent’s salary is paid out by bank machines.

Search this site