July 13, 2000

GO AHEAD, PUNK, MAKE MY DAY

If you were around during the glory days of Vancouver's hardcore scene back in the early 80s, you'll really appreciate Before Year Zero, a look back at that most excellent era of local music, playing tonight only (Thur., July 13, 8:30 p.m.) at the Blinding Light!! cinema. If you completely missed that scene, you missed what was probably the most vibrant expression of DIY energy this sleepy village has ever seen (or, I'm afraid, will ever see). So catch this flick to live vicariously through the experiences of others. And don't forget "...wear a safety pin in your ear and get a buck off admission!"

HYPERACTIVE CHILD

And if you're really hardcore, hit the Blinding Light!! again on Friday for Hated: GG Allin and the Murder Junkies, which, according to the media release, is "not for the faint of heart...this is as hardcore as punk will ever get...this flick makes Pink Flamingos look like an episode of Mr. Rogers' Neighbourhood." Yikes! I haven't had the pleasure(?) of viewing this gem yet, but be prepared to see GG cover himself with his own feces and stagedive into the audience. What a charmer.

YOU'RE STILL NOT PUNK

Vagrant Records is being sued for $100,000 by a woman whose photo they used on the cover of a compilation CD called Before You Were Punk 2. Leslie Brown, of Clackamas, Oregon, says she doesn't want to be reminded of her 80s hairstyle or her prom date, who donated the photo to the record company. (AP)

SUE THE POOR

Jello Biafra is appealing the $200,000 decision against him in a lawsuit filed by ex-Dead Kennedys members that charged him with withholding royalty payments and failure to promote the back catalogue of DK material. Biafra's statement rails against the "bizarre" charge of "lack of promotion", saying "if allowed to stand, this will set a precedent whereby anyone whose product doesn't sell as much as they would like, no matter how successful, can sue someone for lack of promotion, no matter how much advertising was already done." The final straw for the ex-Dead Kennedys members was Biafra's refusal to allow the use of Holiday in Cambodia in a Gap Jeans television commercial, thereby forfeiting a huge chunk of filthy lucre. (www.alternativetentacles.com)

JOHN WATERS, TOUR GUIDE?

John Waters, director of some of the most twisted films ever made (like the aforementioned Pink Flamingos), spoke recently at the Baltimore City Chamber of Commerce, and had some unconventional advice for the suits: attract tourists by promoting Baltimore as the weirdest, most bizarre city in America. "Find the scariest hookers you can from over on Calvert Street and put them in windows like they do on the red light district in Amsterdam," he said, "nobody will have sex." He also recommended promoting Balimore's high rate of VD with the slogan "At least you can get a date." After the dinner, Waters gave each of the business men a bumper sticker with his idea for the city's new slogan "Come to Baltimore and Be Shocked!" (www.disinfo.com)

D'OH!

On-call firefighters in Colfax, Washington, were awoken at 4:30 in the morning last Wednesday to find their fire hall burning to the ground. They couldn't do much about it however, as all the equipment they needed to fight the blaze was burning inside the building. (Spokane Review)

HOOVERIN' HOT DOGS

A 100-pound Japanese man, Kazutoyo "The Rabbit" Arai, has defeated reigning hot dog eating champ, 391-pound Steve "The Terminator" Keiner, and set a new world's record by eating 25 hot dogs in just 12 minutes on July 4. (Reuters)

THE ANTICHRIST SOUNDS LIKE A PRETTY GOOD GUY

At a conference in Bologna, Italy, on March 5, the Cardinal Giacomo Biffi, Archbiship of Bologna, stated that the Antichrist is already here on Earth. He described the Antichrist as a prominent philanthropist who espouses vegetarianism, pacifism, environmentalism and animal rights. Yup, pure evil. (The London Times)

JUDGING A BOOK BY ITS COVER

"Weeds in a Changing World" has won 1999's Oddest Book Title of the Year award, after judges suspected that the publishers of "Male Genitalia of Butterflies of the Balkan Peninsula, with a Checklist", named their book simply to try to win the contest. Recent entries include "Greek Rural Postmen and their Cancellation Numbers", "Guide to Eskimo Rolling", "Betel Chewing Equipment of East New Guinea", "Toothpick Culture and Icecream Stick Art" and "Women and Wasteland Development". (The Guardian)

BRING OUT THE CATAPULTS

After several top-level politicians in Brazil were hit by eggs thrown by demonstrators in the past few months, the president's security guards conducted a study to find out how far the president must stay away from protesters in order to avoid being egged. Their study concluded that 180 feet away would be a safe distance, "even if targeted by a champion egg thrower". At 180 feet, they said "a person's head would appear as large as a fly 12 feet away". So now you know. (Folha de Sao Paulo)

BUSTED

A woman in Des Moines, Iowa, has been charged with assault for convincing three strangers to beat up her husband. She said she was surprised that what she had done was illegal, especially since she didn't offer to pay the men anything. (AP)

DON'T IT TURN MY RED LIGHTS GREEN?

Two men in Miami have been charged with fraudulently selling their "Go-boxes," which were advertised as being able to change red traffic lights to green. The suckers who fell for this scam were sent schematic drawings for building a strobe light. (Reuters)

CLICK HERE FOR WAY MORE TRIPPY NEWS

Go to:

Copyright 2000 by Andreas Ohrt (604) 803-7485
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com