CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

FOLLOWED BY THE WORLD’S BIGGEST HANGOVER
If you love getting wasted and have over $9000 to blow on a month-long party, sign up for the World’s Biggest Pub Crawl for a bingefest that will start in London on March 24 and travel through 12 countries on a round-the-world tour of 60 of the world’s greatest pubs. Join the fun at WorldsBiggestPubCrawl.com or just live vicariously through their video...

THIS JUDGE STINKS
Time once again for a reminder of what not to do when you have to go to court. This week’s lesson comes from Trinidad where a man was sentenced to one year, six months, and 28 days of hard labour after throwing a few of bags of his own feces at the judge. "I am ignorant and stupid, my nerves bother me plus I do not like the justice system in Trinidad," the man explained to reporters after being given a good beating by the judge’s security guards. (Trinidad Express)

CHEAP DRUNK
Meanwhile, in the slightly more tolerant justice system of Whitehorse, Yukon, a man was able to win a court challenge of his failed breathalyzer test after claiming that he is too cheap to buy enough alcohol in order to get drunk. “I cannot say that I am convinced by Mr. Wood's testimony,” wrote the judge in his decision. “But Mr. Wood does not bear the burden of proving his innocence. He is required only to raise a reasonable doubt, and I find that he has done that." (CBC)

HOW TO SHIT YOUR PANTS
Adrenaline junkies looking for that next thrill should head over to Macau, China, where the world’s highest bungy jump has been built on top of the Macau Tower. Check out this vertigo-inducing video for a sneak preview of the 233 meter (760 ft) plunge which is specially designed so that you fall as close to the concrete tower as possible for that extra freaky experience. (MacauTower.com)

MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GO NUTS
According to research in a field called behavioral economics (it’s much more interesting than it sounds, really) it turns out the the average person would rather earn $50,000 a year while other people make $25,000 than earn $100,000 a year while other people get $250,000. Basically, we will give up fifty grand a year just so we don’t feel inferior to our colleagues. Check out the strange logic in an article published by the Los Angeles Times called “Why people believe weird things about money.”

BEAT OR BE BEATEN
Tired of being someone else’s bitch? It’s time to head over to JoeThePeacock.com for a highly informative article called “How to Actually Win a Fist Fight,” which has great tips on proper fighting stance, how to take a punch, how to disable your opponent, and what to do if you find yourself in an “impossible” situation such as going up against a few guys who have weapons. Good luck!

GOOD OLD ROCK, NOTHING BEATS ROCK
But if you’re a thinker and not a fighter, and you don’t settle your dispute with fist fights, you’ll be happy to know that scientists have tackled the problem of how to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors and they’ve come up with some helpful strategies. First off all, you will usually win your RPS match by throwing scissors on the first turn. The theory claims that because everyone knows that throwing rock is the most popular move in the game, most opponents use paper on their first move in order to try to beat the rock. Ergo, scissors will usually win on the first try. But if that doesn’t work, the scientists found that the next best strategy is the double bluff, in which you tell your opponent what you’re going to use next, and then you actually use it. "No one believes you'll do it,” claimed one of the researchers who worked on this report, “so they won't play the throw that beats the throw you are playing." (New Scientist)

JUNK IN THE TRUNK
A Chinese woman will be losing her place in the Guiness Book of World Records after allowing surgeons to remove the world’s largest tumour from her butt. The 4-foot, 5-inch, 99 pound tumour weighed more than the patient, who said that she had originally had the growth removed when she was only twelve and it was only the size of an egg, but 10 years later the growth reappeared and “started growing like crazy.” (Ananova)

IF IT’S YELLOW, BE MELLOW
Thanks to the internet you can always find some expert to answer your question no matter how stupid it is. Like this one posted at HowStuffWorks.com: “What if everybody in the United States flushed the toilet at the same time?” Go ahead and read the detailed explanation thoughtfully provided by some city engineer, but the short answer is this: “It would be ugly.”

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
19 per cent of men wouldn't mind being stupid if they had a perfect body.

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