CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

BEWARE OF STUPIDITY
A group called the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch which tries to protect victims of lawsuit abuse has released the winners of their 11th Annual Wacky Warning Label contest. This year’s winner was found on a small tractor with a label which warned "Danger! Avoid Death." Second place went to an iron-on T-shirt transfer that warned "Do not iron while wearing shirt.” Honorable mention was given to a warning label on a Vanishing Fabric Marker that advised: "The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents." You can check out photos of these labels at Mlaw.org.

HOW TO CUT THE CHEESE
More proof that science will solve all our problems. Australian scientists are working on a plan to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by modifying cow farts so that they no longer emit methane. No, really. Apparently kangaroos have a bacteria in their stomachs which gives them environmentally-friendly flatulence, and the scientists are hoping to transfer that bacteria to the guts of cows and sheep. This plan will also supposedly make the digestive tracts of these animals more efficient, potentially saving farmers 10 to 15 percent on feed. A 400-page, $27 million United Nations study on animal farts found that the world’s livestock release 18 percent of total greenhouse gases, making them more destructive to the environment that all of the world’s vehicles combined. (The Age)

DYING TO BE SLIM
A survey carried out by Fitness magazine found that 23 percent of women would be willing to shave their heads or spend a week in jail in order to be at their ideal weight, and 83 percent of women would rather have an 11th toe than be 50 pounds heavier. Not too surprising, but 21 percent of woman also claimed that they would be willing to take a full ten years off their lives in order to reach their ideal weight.

CHEAP ANIMAL SEX
Animal researchers in Singapore have discovered that humans aren’t the only species that pay for sex. An investigation into 50 long-tailed macaques in Indonesia discovered that male macaques “pay” for sex by providing grooming services to the females, and that the price of sex goes up and down depending on market forces. While a male wooing a single female would have to groom her for up to 16 minutes before sex was offered, the cost of sex dropped to just eight minutes of work when there were several females in the area. (New Scientist)

I’M JUST NOT IN THE MOOOOD FOR HUMANS
A four-year-old girl in Britain who had never been able to speak due to a rare genetic condition is now chatting up a storm with animals. Rose Willcocks had never said a single word to her parents and was diagnosed with a form of autism thanks to her inability to interact with humans, but in the company of animals she turns into a different person entirely. "There was something about animals that made Rosie connect,” said her mother. “We could barely get her to make eye contact or moan or groan but here she was, chatting like an old friend to the cows and horses." The family now has plans to go to the United States for therapy which will include swimming with dolphins in order to help Rose continue to improve.
(Daily Mail)

ANOTHER PROBLEM WITH TAKING THE BIBLE LITERALLY
A strange tale from Hayden, Idaho, where a man cut off his own hand and cooked it up in the microwave because he believed it bore the mark of the beast. "It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived," said sheriff's Capt. Ben Wolfinger. The man is currently under observation at the mental health unit of Kootenai Medical Center. Apparently this guy had been reading the Book of Matthew, which advises that “if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.” (AP)

TAKING YOU FOR A RIDE
Shanghai police arrested a thieving taxi driver last month after uncovering a scam in which he hid a guy in the trunk of his cab and had him steal all the valuables in the passenger’s luggage during the trip. (China Daily)

TONIGHT’S SPECIAL FROM HELL’S KITCHEN
A bar in Chicago has plans to begin selling the world’s hottest chicken wings, a dish so hot they will require customers to sign a waiver agreeing not to sue for injuries before they dig in. The creation is the brainchild of chef Robin Rosenberg, who has spend a few years perfecting the recipe based on the world’s hottest chili peppers. "This isn't the right sauce for everyone, but for someone out there, this is going to be absolute heaven,” said the chef. “Of course, for a handful of people, it's going to be hell.” The wings will be served with an alarm bell on the side, for the times when some macho fool realizes he’s made a huge mistake. (Reuters)

I-HEARD-IT-ON-TV-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
It is illegal to say the phrase “Let’s overthrow the government” in Canada.

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