CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

COOL NEWS
Is it possible that global warming stopped about seven years ago and we’re just finding out about it now? According to real honest-to-goodness scientists average global temperatures in 2007 were pretty much the same as 2006 and every other year since 2001. While a rapid warming trend did occur between 1980 and 1998 when average global temperatures rose by about 0.5 degrees Celsius (setting off the climate change hysteria), the warming couldn’t possibly be due to the greenhouse effect because for the past decade the warming has come to a standstill. Google the phrase “has global warming stopped?” for various articles which explain the science in much more detail.

SMIRTING WITH SINBADS
The Sun newspaper in London has compiled a handy guide of new words for you to squeeze into the conversation in 2008. The list includes Heavage (breasts that are so large they need a specially-designed bra for support); Blamestorming (getting in a group, discussing why something went wrong and then deciding whose fault it was); Smirting (flirting between smokers forced outside by smoking bans); Nonebrity (someone who ends up a minor celebrity despite having no obvious talent); Mouse Potato (someone who spends all their time at home surfing the net); Scummy Mummy (the opposite of a yummy mummy, or MILF); Probo (professional hobo, someone who makes their living from begging); and Sinbad (Single Income, No Boyfriend And Desperate).

I’M COMING DOWN WITH MAD BIRD COW FLU
And one more new word which the above-mentioned article missed -- Cyberchondriac: someone who is sure that they have every disease they read about on the internet. (CNN)

AT LEAST YOU STILL HAVE YOUR MAGIC PENIS
2007 ended on an extremely sour note for an Indian holy man who had his right leg hacked off and stolen by a group of bandits. 80-year-old Yanadi Kondaiah had been worshiped in his village thanks to the healing powers that were generated by his holy leg. People had believed that touching his leg would cure their spiritual and physical ailments. Unfortunately the jig is up as two men decided to steal the magical leg for their own purposes. The men had gone to Kondaiah for medical healing, then offered to get him drunk in exchange for his services. "As the old man had the weakness of drinking, he accepted their invitation to have drinks with them," said a local police officer. After getting him completely hammered, the two men sawed off his leg with a hunting knife and left him to die. Luckily he was found in time and is now recovering in a southern Indian hospital. “I have always been good to others and helped who ever came to me. Then why has this been done to me?" he asked, but his gods were unavailable for comment. (BBC)

NEWS TO MAKE YOU SNOOZE
A French study on sleeplessness published in the journal “Sleep” discovered that sleep is a better remedy for tiredness than coffee.

DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE POLE, THE GERMAN, AND THE EXORCIST?
The Polish Catholic Church has announced plans to open its first exorcism center in the town of Poczernin, Poland. The center will be staffed by a psychiatrist and several of Poland’s 50 working exorcists. Catholic priest Andrzej Trojanowski expects a booming business as he deals with up to 20 people per week who believe they are possessed by the devil. The exorcism center also expects brisk business from Germans, as there isn’t a single exorcist in all of Germany. (En.Rian.Ru)

CHEATERS NEVER WIN, UNLESS THEY’RE ROBOTS

If you’re having any success at all playing online poker you might want to hurry up and win as much as possible in the next little while as poker-bots have now been created that will inevitably crush human gamblers in the virtual poker room. The Freakonomics blog reports that developers at the University of Alberta have created a poker playing program that very nearly defeated two professional poker players in a “Man vs. Machine” tournament. They warn that in the near future programs such as this will take over the online gaming world and gambling online will become a suckers game that will virtually impossible to beat by a human.

SPUDS R US
In case you’re worried that 2008 might be a boring year, have no fear, as the United Nations has proclaimed 2008 the International Year of the Potato. Party! Check out the thrilling website at Potato2008.org where you can register for exciting potato related events like the upcoming global forum “Potato Science for the Poor,” to be held in Peru in March. The site even promises to entertain the kids by teaching them how to grow their very own potato.

HAPPY WHATEVER DAY
If you’re not all partied out from the Xmas and New Year’s festivities, don’t miss these January holidays coming up. According to internet lore, Jan. 13 is Blame Someone Else Day, Jan. 22 is National Answer Your Cat's Question Day, Jan. 23 is Measure Your Feet Day, and Jan. 25 is Opposite Day.

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
Eight per cent of Americans would let a reality-based TV show film them having sex.

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