BEST
COMBOVER
Don’t miss this one-minute video clip of the World’s Greatest
Combover Expert, a virtually bald Japanese man who molds his thinning
strands of leftover hair into a tightly-styled rug that puts Donald
Trump to shame.
WORST
DENTIST
Thankfully we had only one contestant in the Worst Dentist of 2007
competition. England’s Dr. David Quelch (well, he used to be
a doctor) was found guilty of serious professional misconduct after
extracting two teeth from an 87-year-old woman against her will
and without anaesthetic. The worst part is that the extractions
were completely unnecessary and only done as revenge after the patient
complained about a previous visit to the dentist. According to her
testimony, the dentist shouted ”that’ll teach you to complain
to the doctor about me,” after pulling a second tooth out of
her head, leaving her bleeding profusely and in excruciating pain.
(The
Telegraph)
MOST POINTLESS RESEARCH
2007’s winner from the “tell us something we don’t
already know” wing of scientific research was a study of 600
extremely wealthy men and women which came to the shocking conclusion
that massive wealth is good for your sex life. The survey, titled
“Money as an Aphrodisiac — Being Rich Means Getting Lucky
on Your Own Terms,” questioned men and women with an average
net worth of $89 million, and found that 84 percent of rich women
and 63 percent of rich men say that having money has improved their
sex lives. (Fox
News)
WEIRDEST MUSICIAN
An orchestral composer out of the Czech Republic has claimed that
he steals most of his music from singing mushrooms in the forest
near his home. Composer Vaclav Halek, who has written 2,000 songs,
numerous film and theatre scores, and one symphony, says the secret
to his prolific musical output lies in the frequent walks he takes
in the woods, where he carries a pencil and paper and lies down
near a pile of fungi and listens intently. "I simply record
music that a mushroom sings to me," says Halek, who claims
that music also comes from rocks and trees, but that mushrooms sing
the best melodies. (Smh.com.au)
QUOTE OF THE YEAR
An article about future technological advancements in UK’s
The Telegraph included a great quote from Paul Saffo of Stanford
University, who sees two possibilities for the future of human-robot
relations: "There's a good chance that the machines will be
smarter than us,” Saffo told the Telegraph. “There are
two scenarios. The optimistic one is that these new superhuman machines
are very gentle and they treat us like pets. The pessimistic scenario
is they're not very gentle and they treat us like food."
WORST PROCRASTINATOR
If
you’ve been putting off going to the doctor to check out something
that feels wrong in your body get a load of this hideous photo of
a guy in China who discovered a growth in his neck in 1990 but didn’t
bother to go to the doctor until the tumor grew to over 35 pounds
and he began to resemble Jabba the Hutt. Ughh... (Metro.co.uk)
DUMBEST
CRIMINAL
May brought us our winner in the “People Unclear on the Concept”
department. A woman in North Carolina who robbed a Bank of America
turned herself in to the Sheriff’s office hoping to claim the
reward for her arrest. (wwaytv3.com)
MOST POINTLESS HEADLINE
As seen on the newswire in August: “Smoking Bans Reduce Smoking.”
No shit...
TASTIEST LOVERS
A survey of Italian women found that salami was their favorite aphrodisiac,
followed closely by a good piece of cheese. (UPI)
THE DUMBEST, UGLIEST, SMELLIEST PEOPLE OF THE YEAR
According to a survey carried out by Travel
& Leisure magazine, the citizens of Philadelphia are the
very ugliest in the United States. Another chart ranked the citizens
of Los Angeles as the least intelligent. And if you live in Dallas,
you must be one ugly and stupid mofo. Of the 25 cities ranked in
these surveys, Dallas came in 22nd on the intelligence
scale, and 23rd in the ugly department. Dallas also came in
third in last summer’s ranking of America’s
sweatiest cities, so they have lots to be proud of.
WORST INVENTION
In Novermber a Japanese company unveiled the world’s first
portable toilet which is small enough to use inside your car The
“Kurumarukum” toilet consists of a cardboard toilet bowl,
a water-absorbent sheet and a draw-around curtain which will conceal
you from other commuters while you relieve yourself. "The commode
will come in handy during major disasters such as earthquakes or
when you are caught in a traffic jam," said a company official.
(Japan
Today)
LEAST EXCITING TRIP TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD
Some nutty professor has figured out how long it would take you
to fall through the Earth if you could drill a hole through the
entire planet and jump in. The scientific details are extraordinarily
dull (and can be read at Hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/hbase/mechanics/earthole.html),
but the bottom line is that the journey would take a little over
42 minutes, at which point gravity from the center of the Earth
would suck you back into the hole for an oscillating journey which
would last forever.
I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE YEAR
$4.8 million will buy most people everything they think they will
need in order to be happy.
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