THE
WORST / BEST VIDEO GAMES OF THE YEAR
Detroit Prosecutor Kym Worthy has done all parents a huge favour
by figuring out exactly which video games are most desired by kids
these days. Worthy created her list of “10 Games to Avoid This
Christmas” in order to try to spark a boycott of games which
she believes are partly responsible for “the horribleness and
gruesomeness of the crimes” in America (of course we all remember
how there was no violent crime before video games were invented).
She even wrote little blurbs to encapsulate the gore for unsuspecting
parents, so if you’ve been looking for some new action, here
are a few of her recommendations: Manhunt ("revolves around
the making of a snuff film"); Scarface ("involves buying
and selling drugs and killing hundreds of people”); 300: The
Video Game ("invites game room gladiators to slice their way
through the Persian army”); and God of War ("a sea of
unrelenting violence”). (Games.ign.com)
NEXT STOP - BOREDOM
And if all that “horribleness and gruesomeness” is much
too exciting for you, get yourself a copy of “Desert Bus,”
widely recognized as the most boring video game of all time. Desert
Bus involves driving a bus from Las Vegas, Nevada to Tucson, Arizona
in real time at a maximum speed of 45 mph, for a one way journey
of eight hours. The bus contains no passengers, the desert contains
no scenery, and if you don’t steer the bus properly it will
veer off the road and be towed back to Tucson, also in real time.
A successful trip to Las Vegas will score you a single point and
the option of making the return trip for another point. According
to masochists who have successfully completed the mission, the only
excitement in the game comes at the five hour mark when a bug splats
on the front windshield of the bus. (Wikipedia.org)
WHAT’S NEXT? UNIONIZED ELVES?
Another blow against Santa Claus, who gets a little bit less jolly
with each passing year. First they banned his pipe because smoking
is “bad.” Then they stopped letting kids sit on his lap
for fear of molestation charges. He’s not allowed to say “Ho
Ho Ho” anymore because that’s offensive to women, and
now America’s top doctor has launched a crusade to put Santa
Claus on a diet because he’s setting a bad example to children.
“It is really important that the people who kids look up to
as role models are in good shape, eating well and getting exercise,”
said acting U.S. Surgeon General Rear Adm. Steven K. Galson. Surprisingly,
even the Amalgamated
Order of Real Bearded Santas has agreed with the Surgeon General,
asking its 800 members to lose weight in order to set a better example
to children. (Boston
Herald)
JUST TRYING TO LIVE THE AMERICAN DREAM
For some reason a recurring story in the past couple of years has
been numbskulls trying to use novelty million dollar bills in order
to get rich quick. This time it’s Alexander Smith, 31, who
tried to open a bank account in Clearwater, South Carolina, by depositing
the million dollar funny money. He was promptly arrested for forgery
and a bonus charge of disorderly conduct after cursing at the teller
for not accepting his offer. (USA
Today)
TODAY IS YOUR (UN)LUCKY DAY
Another million dollar criminal has a court date to see if he gets
to keep the winnings from a $1 million dollar scratch ticket he
bought. The problem? Timothy Elliott is a two-time convicted bank
robber whose probation terms strictly prohibit gambling of any sort.
Elliott was arrested after trying to claim the first $50,000 of
his payout at the lottery headquarters. (Boston
Globe)
EMAIL IS A GATEWAY DRUG
South Korea has opened the world’s first internet rehab boot
camp for teenagers suffering from cyberspace addiction. The Jump
Up Internet Rescue School combines military-style training by drill
instructors and group session therapy with counselors in order to
break the hold of internet addiction of young men mostly in their
teens. This is the latest addition to a massive attempt by the South
Korean government to prevent various mental health issues which
have been blamed on internet addiction. Korea also boasts a network
of 140 internet-addiction counseling centers and has treatment centers
in almost 100 hospitals. “Korea has been most aggressive in
embracing the Internet,” said the head of the government-run
Internet Addiction Counseling Center. “Now we have to lead
in dealing with its consequences.” (NY
Times)
BEAT
AND BE BEATEN
One of the poorest regions of India has given rise to a movement
of vigilante women which tries to instill independence in the next
generation of women while at the same time beating wrong-doing husbands
and shaming corrupt government officials. “Nobody comes to
our help in these parts. The officials and the police are corrupt
and anti-poor” says Sampat Pal Devi, the leader of the “gulabi
gang” (pink gang). “So sometimes we have to take the law
in our hands. At other times, we prefer to shame the wrongdoers.”
In recent months the group has been involved in everything from
thrashing men who have beaten their wives to exposing the political
corruption in the distribution of grain to the poor. (BBC)
BUYING VOTES
A survey of students at New York University found that 20 percent
would give up their vote in the next presidential election in exchange
for a free iPod, 60 percent would trade their vote for free tuition
and 66 percent would give up their vote for a free ride to the university.
Half of all the students were also willing to give up their right
to vote forever if they were paid a million dollars. (Politico.com)
I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
Men with deep voices have many more children than men with higher
voices.
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BEAT
AND BE BEATEN