CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

SCIENCE + INSANITY = HUMOUR
Regular readers of this column will recognize some of these whacked out scientific research papers mentioned in past columns, but since they were so thoughtfully compiled in an article called “The 10 Most Bizarre Scientific Papers” it gives me a chance to re-visit these bits of classic weird science. Check out Oddee.com for the stories behind these bizarre titles: The Effect of Country Music on Suicide; Love and Sex with Robots; Chickens Prefer Beautiful Humans; Safe and Painless Manipulation of Penile Zipper Entrapment; Pressures Produced When Penguins Poo -- Calculations on Avian Defecation; Ultrasonic Velocity in Cheddar Cheese as Affected by Temperature; Impact of Wet Underwear on Thermoregulatory Responses and Thermal Comfort in the Cold.

GARBAGE, GARBAGE EVERYWHERE
Oceanographers are claiming that there is a heap of garbage twice the size of Texas floating in the Pacific Ocean between San Francisco and Hawaii. Dubbed the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, the heap of debris is said to weigh around 3.5 million tons and consists of about 80 percent plastic garbage. Supposedly most of the non-biodegradable trash that ends up in the oceans are sucked into this area by a combination of wind and waves, making the trash heap grow with each passing year. Even worse, there is nothing we can do to remove the trash as no single country will take responsibility for it and the clean up would take an international effort which would cost billions of dollars. So stop throwing your plastic crap in the ocean, okay? (SF Gate)

PENCILS DON’T HAVE TO BE DULL

If you’re still trying to figure out what to get me for my birthday, how about the Living Dead Doll pencil sharpener from PopGadget.net? You can shove your pencil into the eye socket of this decapitated doll head and she’ll vomit the pencil shavings out of her mouth. Awesome!

YET ANOTHER GREAT BEGINNING TO A CRAPPY SCI-FI HORROR FLICK
A Russian cockroach named Nadezhda (Hope) has given birth the the first animals ever conceived in space. The experiment aboard the Foton-M bio-satellite during the weeks of September 14 to 26 ended with the successful birth of 33 cockroaches which are said to be eating and drinking relatively normally. (Daily Telegraph)

GLOBAL WETTING
Even though sea levels have only risen 19.5 centimeters since 1870 (that’s about 1.44 millimeters per year), climate researchers have created a list of mega-cities which might be highly vulnerable to flooding thanks to global warming by the year 2015. So if you live in any of the following cities you might want to consider moving uphill a few centimeters within the next eight years: Dhaka, Buenos Aires, Rio de Janeiro, Shanghai, Tianjin, Alexandria, Mumbai, Kolkata, Jakarta, Tokyo, Osaka-Kobe, Lagos, Karachi, Bangkok, Thailand, New York and Los Angeles. (Associated Press)

NOT COOL
While we’re on the subject you can now order the world’s first Global Warming Coffee Mug. A map of the world adorns the outside of this mug, which is cool, but when you fill it up with a hot drink the low-lying land masses on the map begin to disappear as the ice caps melt and the ocean spreads across the coast lines. Get yours from Firebox.com.

CURIOUS HEADLINE OF THE WEEK
As seen in Scotland’s Daily Record last week: “Nun Murdered by Ninja Warrior.”

CRAP FOR SALE
According to a group called Consumers International, the single worst consumer product in the world is Rozerem, a sleeping pill marketed for children. The drug’s manufacturer, Takeda Pharmaceuticals, was awarded the honour after airing television commercials in the United States featuring groggy children returning to school with the suggestion that Rozerem could help your child with his or her sleeplessness. The group also wagged its finger at Coca-Cola for using regular tap water for its Dasani brand of bottled water, and Mattel for selling over 19 million products which had to be recalled in the past year. (AFP)

BREAK OUT THE RUM AND EGGNOG A LITTLE EARLIER THIS YEAR
Okay, before you start hanging up those Christmas decorations don’t forget to celebrate these special days: according to unreliable sources Nov. 15 is Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day, Nov. 19 is Have A Bad Day Day, Nov. 22 is Start Your Own Country Day and Nov. 30 is Stay At Home Because You're Well Day.

STILL NO CURE FOR PARANOID DELUSIONS
If you’re being harassed by God, Satan, Aliens, Zombies, Bigfoot, or Death (or if David Letterman is hypnotizing you through the TV), a mere five bucks will get a restraining order against any of the above-mentioned evils at ParanormalRestrainingOrders.com.

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
All the numbers on a roulette wheel add up to 666.

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