CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

THE SCIENCE OF SUPERFICIALITY
After all these years of writing about the most pointless scientific studies being conducted throughout the world, we finally have the be-all and end-all grand champion of all time. It seems that a group of researchers from several different universities throughout the world have revealed the astonishing scientific fact that men are attracted to beautiful women and that women love a man with lots of cash. Shock! And while you might think this report comes straight out of The Onion, these conclusions were actually published in a stuffy sounding journal called the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. The “scientists” who worked on this study explained the obvious by saying that while participants in their experiments claimed to be looking for a partner similar to themselves, the men inevitably chose the most attractive woman that would accept them, and the women chose a man whose wealth was on the same level as their own perceived attractiveness. Who says romance is dead? (Daily Mail)

GOOD OL’ ROCK, NOTHING BEATS ROCK
The World Rock Paper Scissors Society (yes, there is such a thing, check it out at WorldRPS.com) is accepting competitors for this year’s International Rock Paper Scissors Championships to be held in Toronto on October 13. Your chance to bragging rights and the $10,000 grand prize is $40 or you can watch the insanity for a mere $12. And if you’re not quite in game shape you can hit their website and read the entirely unhelpful article “Is There Strategy in Rock Paper Scissors?: The Definitive Guide.”

FROM NOW ON MY NAME IS “SUPER FANTASTIC HAPPY MAN”
A village in Taiwan suffering from a series of unfortunate events has changed its name and now claims that the bad luck has lifted. Having seen many of the villagers in Shuai Si Hou (Drop Dead Monkey) suffering from a long string of injuries, a petition was finally initiated to change the town’s name, since it was obviously the cause of the problem. Despite opposition from the traditionalists, the campaign succeeded in April and the name is now Chang Hsing Village, which means Long Prosperity Village. Since then there have been almost no major accidents among the residents. (DPA)

JEWISH NAZIS

You would think if there was one country without Nazi’s it would be Israel, but you’d be wrong. Last month Israeli police arrested eight members of a neo-Nazi gang which had been attacking foreigners, homosexuals, drug addicts and religious Jews. Searches of the suspect’s homes yielded Nazi uniforms, portraits of Adolf Hitler, knives, guns, and even dynamite. The suspects, aged 16-21, are all Israeli citizens from the former Soviet Union who entered the country under the Law of Return which allows anyone with at least one Jewish grandparent to become a citizen, even if that person is a Jew-hating Nazi. (BBC)

THE “BLOG” OF “UNNECESSARY” QUOTATION MARKS
Ever since I saw a placard outside of a butcher’s shop which promised “Fresh” meat I’ve gotten a kick out of the misuse of quotation marks. So it was great to find an entire blog devoted to the subject. “Check it out” at Quotation-Marks.Blogspot.com.

YOU’RE NOTHING BUT FAT AND SMELLY CANNIBAL MEAT
From an article in Mental Floss Magazine titled “10 Things You Might’ve Been Better Off Not Knowing About Your Body” come these factoids: the average human body contains enough fat to make seven bars of soap; your skeleton is worth between $5,000 and $7,500 to a medical student, while your skull alone is worth about $450; the average adult piece of turd weighs about 4 ounces; half of the bulk of your feces comprises the dead bodies of bacteria that live inside your intestines; the average male foot exudes half a pint of sweat each day; and a man weighing 200 lbs. would provide enough meat to feed 100 cannibals in one sitting.

YOU ACT TOUGH BUT YOU SLEEP LIKE A FOETUS
A British scientist who has been studying the connection between sleep position and personality traits has come up with the six favourite sleep positions and what they say about your personality. The most popular position is the "foetus" (curled up on the side, holding the pillow), which indicates a person with a tough exterior who is actually a very sensitive person; the "starfish" (spreadeagled on the back) indicates a good listener who makes friends easily; a "free faller" (sleeping on the front) has a brash exterior but a nervous personality; a "soldier" (sleeping on the back) is quiet and reserved; a "log" (sleeping on the side) is relaxed and social; and a "yearner" (on the side with raised arms) is suspicious and cynical. (The Telegraph)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT(S) OF THE WEEK
For every death from sexually transmitted diseases there were 20 a century ago; for every death from infectious diseases there were 130 in the middle ages; and for every person murdered today, there were 10 murdered in the middle ages.

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