Curious
Times No. 418
September 13, 2007
THE
LOVECHILD OF BIGFOOT AND NESSIE
A woman in Cuero, Texas believes she may have found the mythical
creature “Chupacabra” and has kept its head in order
to have it stuffed for her collection of exotic animals. Phylis
Canion found the bodies of three bizarre-looking creatures near
her ranch in July. She kept one of the heads in order to test
it’s DNA, but so far no conclusive results have been found.
In the meantime, the legend has grown that she is in possession
of the legendary Chubacabra (“goat-sucker” in Spanish),
a creature which originated in Mexico and which sucks the blood
of farm animals such as goats and chickens. "It is one ugly
creature," Canion said, showing off the big-eared, large-fanged,
gray-blue hairless head for a photo-op. Not surprisingly, she
has also started selling t-shirts to commemorate (I mean profit
from) the discovery, with a caricature of the beast under the
tagline “2007, The Summer of the Chupacabra, Cuero, Texas.”
(USA
Today)
THEY ALSO DISCOVERED THAT PEOPLE WHO HAVE MONEY HAVE MORE MONEY
THAN PEOPLE WHO DON’T HAVE MONEY
The large and ever-growing “Stunningly Obvious Statistics”
file gets a new entry this week with a report from the National
Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, which discovered
the shocking news that people who earn more than $110,000 per
year are more satisfied with their jobs than people who earn less
than $12,500 per year. (LiveScience.com)
JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS
I didn’t realize there was a drug for restless leg syndrome
(RLS) -- in fact, I didn’t realize that restless legs where
a medical problem. But anyway, if you do happen to be taking Requip,
the GlaxoSmithKline pill designed to solve this condition, be
warned that the company recently added two more warnings to the
small print for this drug. Apparently, the price you pay for calming
down your restless legs is pathological gambling and a hypersexuality.
Perhaps not such a bad trade-off, but at least you should know
about it. A 2005 study found that the drug Mirapex causes similar
symptoms, and class action lawsuit is being considered by hundreds
of patients who suffer from side effects such as compulsive gambling,
shopping, painting and eating. But don’t they have a drug
for that? (Mercola.com)
JUST SAY YES, PLEASE
When you’re thinking of ways to discourage kids from experimenting
with marijuana, it might be best not to tell them that getting
high might just make the party a lot more interesting. For example,
you might not want to tell teenagers that there’s a way better
chance of getting laid if they smoke pot. Apparently it’s
true, as you can read for yourself at TheAntiDrug.com,
a “Just Say No” brand of website which “warns”
that “teenagers who use drugs are five times more likely
to have sex than teens who do not use drugs.” I wish I’d
have known that when I was 15.
WE'D
ALL VERY MUCH APPRECIATE IT!
EATING
PUSSY
Australians have finally figured out what to do about the millions
of feral cats which roam the outback. Eat them, of course. Feral
cats are the descendents of pet cats which have been left out
in the wild to fend for themselves, but their habit of eating
anything and everything is a threat to Australia’s native
fauna. So in order to encourage Australians to eat as many of
the animals as possible a competition for feral cat recipes was
recently held in Alice Springs. The winner was “Wild Cat
Casserole” and the meat is said to taste like a cross between
rabbit and chicken, obviously. (BBC)
60 PERCENT OF WORKERS ARE SLACKERS, 40 PERCENT ARE LIARS
According to a survey carried out by Salary.com,
six out of 10 employees admit to wasting time surfing the net
at work.
I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO’S ALLOWED TO BEAT UP MY KID
Competition for the World’s Craziest Mom Award has heated
up with news out of Sweden that the mother of a bullied child
showed up at the school playground last week with a crowbar and
an ax. According to all reports no violence occurred, but the
mother was said to have “threatened” the kids who had
been tormenting her son, and then went home before the police
arrived. (TheLocal.Se)
I PREDICT NONE OF THESE METHODS WILL WORK
Still looking for an accurate way to see your future? When all
else fails, try one of these arcane methods as compiled in “Uncle
John’s Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader”. There’s
Scarpomancy (predict someone’s future by studying their old
shoes); Tiromancy (study a piece of cheese); Scatomancy (examine
your own poop); Uromancy (examining your urine); and Bibliomancy
(open the Bible randomly and read the first passage you see to
get your fortune).
I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
You are never more than three feet away from a spider.
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