CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

BECAUSE IT’S THERE
I doubt you need a reason for having sex (more likely you need a partner) but if you do we now have a list of exactly 237 reasons why people have sex as compiled by the brainiac psychologists at the University of Texas. Along with the obvious ones (love, lust, boredom, revenge, adventure, excitement) here are a few more, just pick one and go for it: to keep warm, to burn calories, to fall asleep, to get rid of a headache, to relieve stress, to have babies, to feel good, to make someone else feel good, to make money, to get some exercise, to brag to your friends, to get a promotion, to get closer to God, and, of course, to lose your virginity. (Archives of Sexual Behaviour)

BECAUSE THERE’S NOT ENOUGH SEX ON THE INTERNET
Okay, I’m giving away a million dollar idea here so pay attention. If you want to get rich on the internet build a website that teaches curious teenagers everything they need to know about sex. According to Time Magazine four of the top 10 “how to” searches on the web are all about learning how to do “it.” Among the top 10 queries are “how to have sex” (no. 2), “how to kiss” (no. 3), “how to get pregnant” (no. 8) and “how to make out” (no. 10).

THIS IS YOUR FAVOURITE CARTOON ON DRUGS
Still waiting for the drugs to arrive so you can go watch The Simpsons Movie? Then you’ll definitely enjoy the six trippiest drug related Simpsons scenes as posted at 10ZenMonkeys.com. Go press play and see Homer on medical marijuana, Lisa on hallucinogens (accidentally, of course), Marge watching a Broadway musical about the Betty Ford Clinic, Otto smoking weed, Bart drinking “malk” (Ritalin-enhanced milk), and Homer experiencing the ultimate psychedelic experience when he ingests some Guatemalan Insanity Peppers. You’ll get a contact buzz just by watching it.

YOU CAN’T HAVE KUNT ON TV
A yet-to-be-built television station in Wailuku, Maui got some great free publicity when a computer at the FCC granted them the call letters K-UNT. But the station manager was not amused, claiming that the gaffe was "extremely embarrassing for me and my company and we will file to change those call letters immediately." Oddly enough, the same station owner received the call letters K-WTF for a station in Arizona. (Honolulu Star-Bulletin)

COLD HARD SEX
It’s been a while since we’ve been subjected to news about necropheliacs, but here goes. Three young men in Wisconsin who saw an obituary picture of a gorgeous woman who had died in a motorcycle accident decided to dig up her body and... well, you get the idea. While they did get caught and charged with sexual assault, it turns out that sex with dead bodies isn’t illegal in Wisconsin. It’s not exactly legal either, but the judge was forced to throw out all of the charges because Wisconsin has no laws against such a crime. (SF Gate)

CAN YOU SAY “COMPLETE AND UTTER COMPUTER DORK” BOYS AND GIRLS?
Say crappy birthday to the computer virus, which turns 25 years old this year. According to an article in the journal Science, the world’s first computer virus was created in 1982 by a 9th-grader named Richard Skrenta, who created the nasty little bug in order to irritate his friends. He uploaded his first ever virus -- Elk Cloner -- to his high school’s computer and programmed it to copy itself onto any floppy disks that his friends used at school. Then, anyone who was a poor victim of the viral attack would randomly have this terrible poem flash onto their screens: “It will get on all your disks / It will infiltrate your chips / Yes it's Cloner! / It will stick to you like glue / It will modify RAM too / Send in the Cloner!”

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT YOUR WIFE DIDN’T LEAVE YOU. THE BAD NEWS IS...
A man in Texas whose wife’s dead body was found in a storage room in their home claimed that he didn’t notice the foul odor of her decomposing body because he has no sense of smell. "I thought she had run away from home again," he told the investigating officers. (Houston Chronicle)

ONCE YOU GO GAY, YOU’LL NEVER GO AWAY
Doctors in the U.K. have reviewed over 60 years of scientific research concerned with the size of men’s penises and concluded that the belief that men of different races have differently sized penis is pure urban myth. The various studies, which measured tens of thousands of penises (fun work if you can get it) found that the average erect penis is between 5.5 to 6.2 inches with no variation among different ethic groups (suck it, black dudes). However, they did manage to create a new urban myth. According to the research, homosexual men have slightly larger penises on average than straight men. (ScienceAGogo.com)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
There are only three countries on Earth which still don’t use the metric system: the United States, Liberia and Myanmar.