June 23, 2000

HAVE A DRINK, BREAK AN INANE LAW

Finally, a cause I can believe in. The folks at the Toronto-based organization DRUNK (Drinking Rights Under No Konstraints) are organizing a North America-wide "Drink-In" on Monday, July 10 (why a Monday?), a day on which everyone is encouraged to drink booze in public, to protest the absurd liquor laws most North Americans live under. Their manifesto states, in part, "...street drinkers from Berlin to Kinshasa have no problems enjoying a nice pint in their town squares but here we are verboten from drinking on street corners, public parks and even our own front porches... Permitting wine at picnics will not necessarily lead to anarchist rioting booze fuelled satanic orgies... We demand to be treated like civilized adults and call for the end of this curtailment of our freedom of assembly and choice... Legalize street drinking!" Anne Drennan, are you listening? We don't want to be treated like criminals for having a beer during the fireworks. Send your goons to stop violent crime first, please. (Vice)

FOR THOSE TIMES WHEN YOU'RE TOO LETHARGIC TO VISIT YOUR DEALER

Maybe it's time to move back to Europe, eh? On September 1, European residents will be able to order ganga online and have it delivered to their door. The company, iToke, was started by two Seattle natives who now live in Germany. Place your order at www.itoke.co.uk.

A GOOD DRUG IS HARD TO FIND

Does anyone know where I can find some DMT? Terrance McKenna, the recently-deceased researcher of all things psychoactive, has some unusual things to say about this tryptopahn-derived hallucinogen. His research, which began in the mid-60s (no kidding), found that people who take DMT are greeted by a world populated by a bizarre species of being. "Self-transforming machine elves," McKenna calls them, and he says that all DMT users experience these beings, who, after several DMT trips, begin to try and communicate with the tripper. Yikes! The experience can be terrifying, he warns, but assures us that "a touch of terror gives the stamp of validity to the experience because it means 'this is real'". The "elves", apparently, bath you in love, and say "don't worry...try not to be amazed. Try to focus and look at what we're doing," as they try to teach you their language, which is so alien that, McKenna says, it "cannot be Englished." Too bad, I'd like to know what kind of drugs those self-transforming mechanical elves are on. (www.deoxy.org/mckenna.htm)

STRAIGHT OUTTA SOUTH PARK

A Florida man has been convicted of animal cruelty and has been divorced by his wife after beating to death his dog because he thought it was displaying homosexual tendencies. He was upset because the dog was "displaying unnatural friendship toward another family dog." (ABC News)

CANDIDATE FOR ANGER MANAGEMENT, PART II

Another person you don't want living next to you, is Guy Boos of Chippewa Falls, who was given two years probation for throwing his washing machine down a flight of stairs and shooting it five times with his gun. (Milwaukee Journal)

LIQUID GOLD

An American entrepreneur, Ken Curtis, is doing steady business selling his urine to people who need to take company drug tests to hold their jobs. Curtis, who doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, sells kits that people can tape to their bodies and discreetly dispense clean urine samples. (Atlanta Journal)

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL WORLD

And the numbers are in: according to the U.S. Committee for Refugees, nearly 7 million people throughout the world were driven from their homes in 1999 due to war, civil insurgency or political repression, bringing the total of displaced people to 35 million worldwide. Meanwhile, a UNICEF report warns that incest, sexual abuse, rape, dowry burnings, infanticide and beating of girls and women are turning into a global epidemic. Despite lack of reliable statistics, UNICEF estimates that almost half the female population in any given country has been abused by a family member or intimate partner or dangerously neglected in childhood. (LA Times & Fox News)

LESS EXCITING THAN WATCHING PAINT DRY

A farmer in Iowa has set up a webcam that watches his corn grow 24 hours a day. For some reason, the site has become somewhat of a phenomena, with thousands of visitors watching the corn grow and sending in e-mails of encouragement. Be a part of this lame-ass trend by hitting "Watch Corn Grow" at www.iowafarmer.com.

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