CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

AT LEAST WE THINK IT’S A DOG
Gaze in horror at the winner of the 2007 World’s Ugliest Dog Contest. This year’s freak of nature is Elwood, a Chinese Crested and Chihuahua mix, whose shriveled up face is accentuated by a scraggly white mohawk, a pair of Yoda-ears, and a grotesquely long tongue which looks like a piece of beef jerky. Elwood’s owner found him at a breeder who, she claims, “was going to euthanize him because she thought he was too ugly to sell.” (Associated Press)

THE NEWS “THEY” DON’T WANT YOU TO HEAR
If, for some reason, you want to be massively depressed simply dig into this year’s Project Censored: The Top 25 Censored News Stories of 2007. Among the nasty stories this year are these buzzkill headlines: Future of Internet Debate Ignored by Media; Halliburton Charged with Selling Nuclear Technologies to Iran; Oceans of the World in Extreme Danger; High-Tech Genocide in Congo; Pentagon Exempt from Freedom of Information Act; Dangers of Genetically Modified Food Confirmed; Destruction of Rainforests Worst Ever; Bottled Water: A Global Environmental Problem. Read all the grim details at ProjectCensored.org.

MY PhD IN DONKEY KONG MIGHT COME IN HANDY AFTER ALL
Well kids, if your parents are constantly harassing you for playing too many video games, you might be able to shut them up by telling them that you’re practicing for a career as a surgeon. A study done at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York found that surgeons who were avid video game players committed half as many surgical errors and were 39 percent faster than non-video game playing surgeons. So there! (Popular Science)

NEXT SOMEONE WILL BE TRYING TO SELL PLASTIC BOTTLES FULL OF WATER
A Chinese company which was denied the right to sell moon land by the Chinese government has been struck down again, this time for trying to sell bags of “World Cup Air.” The company had been trying to market green plastic bags full of air from stadiums which hosted soccer matches during the 2006 World Cup in Germany. Instead, Beijing’s People Court ruled that “air is too vague and unstable a concept to be covered by commercial classifications.” (Xinhua News Agency)

GENETICALLY PROGRAMMED TO BE UNEMPLOYED
Lazy-ass slackers in Denmark have decided to blame their genes for their inability to get out of bed in the morning and have formed the “B-Society” for people who hate to follow the timetable set by society. According to the group, A-people are those go-getters who get up bright and early and get to work. Meanwhile, B-people are genetically programmed to be more alert later in the day. "We're calling for an uprising against the tyranny of early rising," states the society’s manifesto. Not surprisingly, the group already boasts several thousand members after just six months in operation. (BBC)

THIS IS WHY BABIES CRY
It’s been a bad week to be born. First, the New Zealand government had to stop a couple from naming their baby “4real,” then a couple of devout Republicans named their baby “Georgebush” (yes, one word), and, not to be outdone, new parents in Kansas called their child “Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K,” with Urhines being prounced as “your highness.” (Neatorama.com)

WHY WASTE MONEY ON CONDOMS?
A sexual education survey carried out during Contraceptive Awareness Week in Britain found that nearly a third of Britons believe that a woman can prevent pregnancy by jumping up and down, washing, or urinating immediately after sex. (News.com.au)

THE WAY TO A MAN’S SOUL IS THROUGH HIS STOMACH
News out of India claims that prisoners are refusing to leave a jail in Bangalore ever since the Hare Krishna’s won the contract to cook food for the inmates. The prison is now filled to more than twice its capacity, with some prisoners refusing to apply for bail and young offenders lying about their age in order to get the tasty grub at the adult prison. "When we are getting tasty, nutritious food three times a day here, why should we go out and commit crimes," explained one inmate. (AllHeadlineNews.com)

HORNINESS IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION
Who said kids these days aren't ingenious? The Libertatea newspaper out of Romania reports that a teenager was arrested after he tried to pay a prostitute with fake money which he had printed up on his computer at home. Police also uncovered home-made bus passes and doctors' certificates allowing the boy to skip school.

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
Since 1950, Los Angeles has produced 10 percent of the world’s serial killers.