CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

Curious Times No. 404
June 7, 2007

IS INSANITY A GODLY POWER?
Check out the application for U.S. patent no. 20070035812, which was filed by one Christopher Anthony Roller for the exclusive right to use godly powers for financial gain on planet Earth. In his application Roller claims that he possesses various powers which he assumes have been granted to him by God, and his patent on those powers will serve two purposes: 1) his exclusive right to use “godly powers” on Earth will stop other people from using similar powers for unethical purposes; and 2) the patent will allow him to charge others who also happen to have godly powers and wish to use them. It’s possible that Roller is simply having fun with this application, but reading his website at MyTrumanShow.com makes it clear that it’s also possible that this guy is living in the land of delusional psychotics. His website also offers you the chance to confess your sins to him so he can forgive you by email, for the small sum of 10% of your net worth.

THE ONLY DRAWBACK IS YOU’RE ALWAYS DREAMING OF BEING TRAPPED IN A BLOCK OF ICE
Medical teams in Los Angeles, Boston and Pittsburgh are racing to become the first to perfect placing humans into a state of frozen hibernation. The technique involves injecting a saline solution into the blood stream which rapidly sends the body temperature from 37C to 10C, placing one into a state of suspended animation. Experiments on pigs have stopped their hearts and brain activity for up to two hours with no long-term effect. Scientists are now ready to test the effect on human volunteers, with the hope that future victims of accidents or wars can be quickly frozen while they await medical treatment, thereby delaying the onset of shock and minimizing the damage from wounds. After short-term hibernation is perfected, scientists then hope to someday be able to put astronauts into suspended animation for long-distance space travel. (The Times UK)

WELCOME TO HELL
Thanks to modern technology (and people with too much time on their hands) we now have immediate access to such web-based wonders as a list of the 22 Worst Place Names in the World, including Twatt, Scotland; Muff, Ireland; Looneyville, Texas; Titty Hill, England; Wetwang, England; Bald Knob, Arkansas; Whiskey Dick Mountain, Washington; Hell, Michigan; Toad Suck, Arkansas; Horneytown, North Carolina; Disappointment, Kentucky; Fucking, Austria; and, of course, Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu, New Zealand. (Drivl.com)

BEWARE OF TOY
If a pet dog is way too much responsibility for you, and a robot dog way too expensive, you can now order a pet robot guinea pig for about $80 at Gizoo.co.uk. Good luck!

YOU’RE FIRED... AND DOOMED TO AN EARLY DEATH
It’s been a while since a reality show has sunk to new lows but the wait is over. Dutch broadcaster BNN is set to air “The Big Donor Show,” in which a terminally ill woman will get to choose between three contestants who all need her kidney. To make the choice more interesting (I mean profitable) viewers will be able to advise the 37-year-old donor via text messages during the run of the program. Despite objections from transplant patient organizations and several Dutch politicians, the show’s producers have justified the concept, claiming that the show will highlight the acute shortage of donors in the Netherlands and encourage other organ donors to come forward. (AFP)

ONE MAN’S TRASH IS ANOTHER MAN’S BUSINESS IDEA
Since the majority of the world’s “art” is no more artistic than a pile of trash, an artist in Washington, D.C. has taken this truth to its logical conclusion by setting up gumball machines that sell you a ball of garbage instead of a piece of gum. “Trashballs” are small clear plastic balls which contain a small scrap of garbage such as a movie ticket stub or some other such nonsense. Not surprisingly, you can now buy his trash on the net only three bucks. Get yours at out at www.GoodwinArt.com.

NEWSFLASH! MEN HIT ON WOMEN IN BARS
Time once again for the completely useless “scientific” research portion of this column. It took a research paper published in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality to discover that 80 percent of women have been approached in a sexually overt way at singles bars. Shocking! (CTV.ca)

THE MOST EXPENSIVE PORN IN THE WORLD
Sorry to break the news to you but you will never own the website Porn.com. Last week the site sold for over $9.5 million. This is the second largest domain name sale ever, after Sex.com, which sold for $12 million in 2005. (Moniker.com)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
The average family spends more on gambling each week than on fresh fruits and vegetables.