CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

Curious Times No. 393
March 22, 2007

THE MASTER RACE OF THE FUTURE
An evolutionary theorist from the London School of Economics predicts that human evolution will peak in about a thousand years as we evolve into a coffee-coloured race of tall, beautiful people who live around 120 years. Dr. Oliver Curry also predicts that a human of the year 3000 will be healthier thanks to improved nutrition, lifestyle, and medical knowledge and that future humans will take advantage of technological modifications in order to be more beautiful and improve the size of their gear. But the good times won’t last, as this golden age will be followed by a “monumental genetic hangover” as our immune systems stop functioning thanks to an over-reliance on medicine and our dependence on technology erodes our ability to interact with others and leave us unable to experience sympathy, trust, respect and love. Then, over the next 100,000 years, Dr. Oliver believes that increased sexual selection and freedom of choice in mating will split the human gene pool into two distinct groups with the genetic upper class becoming taller, healthier, more attractive and intelligent, while the underclass devolves into “dim-witted, ugly, squat goblin-like creatures.” (BBC)

YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF FREAKS
The world’s largest ever survey of sexual fetishes has found that feet and shoes are by far the biggest turn-on for most people. While 47 percent of those surveyed got turned on by feet and toes, a massive 64 percent admitted a fetish for shoes, boots and other footwear. Following way behind were underwear (12%), coats, body fluids and body size (9%), hair (7%), muscles (5%), tattoos and piercings (4%), navels, breasts and ethnicity (2%), and legs, buttocks, mouths, lips and teeth (2%). The lowest scores went to stethoscopes, wristwatches, bracelets, nappies, catheters, body hair, nails, noses, ears, neck and body odor. The researchers also found 150 people who got turned on by hearing aids and two who got all hot and bothered by pacemakers. (The Independent UK)

MEN WILL OGLE ANYTHING THAT MOVES
Experiments carried out with eye-tracking software has discovered that men love to look at genitals. Not too surprising, I guess, until you learn that men in the research study not only stared at women’s anatomy, but spent just as much of their time focussing on the crotches of men and animals. Sickos... (Online Journalism Review)

THEY ALSO FOUND THAT HAPPY PEOPLE ARE HAPPIER THAN UNHAPPY PEOPLE
We return once again to the “Tell Us Something We Don’t Already Know” files with results from a Gallup poll which revealed the stunning news that rich, married people are more satisfied with their lives than poor, single folks. (GallupPoll.com)

KEEPING IT RAEL
If you’re looking for a home for the bizarre new cult you’ve started you’ll probably be interested in taking over the land put up for sale by the Raelians. Their 275 acre “UFOLand” theme park in eastern Quebec is on the market for $2.95 million. That price gets you campgrounds, lakes, offices and a replica of the UFO which Rael encountered in 1973 and which led him to create his religion of aliens, telepathy, human cloning and free love. While critics hope this signals a decline of the group, Raelian priest Jocelyn Chabot claims that the Quebec market is saturated and it’s simply time to move to the warmer climate of Las Vegas in order to continue to build their cult in the United States. (The Globe and Mail)

THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS BAD PUBLICITY
After trying to ban the film Borat last year and successfully banning the official Borat website in their country, Kazakhstan is having profiting from the joke thanks to a massive increase in tourism since the film became a huge hit in 2006. Kazakhstan -- mercilessly ridiculed in the film -- came from nowhere to hit number one in an online traveller’s survey of must-see travel destinations in 2007. With the tourist industry booming, new hotels are being built, extra flights have been added from the UK, and over a million dollars in tourist dollars have helped boost their economy. Just one traveller’s tip: try not to get invited to a traditional Kazakh dinner. While the highest-ranking guest at the dinner will be served the delicious head of a sheep, you, as an innocent hanger-on, will be left to polish off the sheep’s cervical vertebra. (The Sun UK)

JUST SLIGHTLY TASTIER THAN EATING YOUR DEODORANT
Hey Stinky! Get you smelly carcass over to Japan so you can buy some Fuwarinka chewing gum to tackle your body odor. According to the company who makes this stuff, “chewing gum just to freshen your breath is a thing of the past.” They claim half an hour of chewing Fuwarinka gum will change your body chemistry enough so that it emits a “special aroma.” Of course, special doesn’t always mean pleasant... The gum comes in fresh citrus, fruity rose, and Otokokaoru rose for men. (CompactImpact.com)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
30% of Americans don't know which year the 9/11 attacks took place.