CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

Curious Times No. 391
March 8, 2007

HOLLOW SKULL
If you’re bored with being normal and are looking for adventure there’s still time to join the 2007 North Pole Inner Earth Expedition in order to find out if there is another civilization living inside the Earth. If you’re not familiar with Hollow Earth theory, legend has it that there are openings in the crust of the Earth at the north and south poles which lead to another world inside the Earth, populated by... well, let’s just say that theories range from the ridiculous to the absurd. Nevertheless, a supposedly-scientific expedition is being organized by a company called Advanced Planetary Explorations (PhoenixScienceFoundation.org) which will take a documentary film crew in order to search for proof of the theory and, ideally, make contact with whatever beings live inside our planet. Best of all, they are looking for explorers to invest in the project so if you’re ready for your mid-life crisis this is a perfect diversion. While the website promises “No! We are not some fringe group of New-Age cultists hyping a fictional story,” you might still want to be prepared to share your adventure with plenty of differently-abled thinkers like Rodney M. Cluff, whose book “World Top Secret: Our Earth is Hollow!” claims that the hollow Earth is home to the Lost Tribes of Israel who live for hundreds of years and protect their hidden world with flying saucers. Fun! Learn more than you ever wanted to know at OurHollowEarth.com.

CUTTING OPEN YOUR VITAL ORGANS SHOULD BE LEFT TO TRAINED PROFESSIONALS
We probably didn’t need a medical study to tell us that sword swallowing is a dangerous hobby but we’ve got one anyway. Radiologist Brian Witcombe joined forces with the executive director of the Sword Swallower’s Association International (SSAI) to carry out the world’s first survey of the job-related dangers of sword swallowers. Not surprisingly there were no shortage of injuries, mostly caused by “distractions” to the sword swallower, resulting in various bloody messes in the throat, lung and heart areas. By the way, if you were thinking of joining the SSAI, be advised that they only recognize "those who can swallow a non-retractable, solid steel blade at least two centimeters wide and 38 centimeters long." Good luck! (CollisionDetection.net)

HOW LONG COULD YOU LIVE WITHOUT SEX?
A 107-year-old Hong Kong man who has been smoking for decades believes that his longevity might be due to going over 70 years without sex. Hardly seems worth it, but thanks to his abstinence Chan Chi has remained relatively healthy ever since his wife died during World War II. His next goal is to quit smoking. "Maybe the government should ban cigarette sales so I can give it up," he said. (South China Morning Post)

THE DARK AGES CONTINUE
The nominations for 2007’s “Piss Poor Parenting” Award are officially open with news from Pakistan of a man who sold his 10-year-old daughter for $500 in order to pay for his eye surgery. The deal called for the daughter to be handed over to her new owner as soon as she reached puberty. While police are investigating the case and the man may face up to one year in prison, apparently this practice is quite common in rural parts of Pakistan, where men routinely sell or trade their daughters in order to pay off debts or settle disputes. (Reuters)

PORN TO BE WILD
A Wisconsin man faces three sets of criminal charges after he tried to save a woman who he thought was being raped and screaming for help in the apartment above his. Hearing the cries of distress, James Van Iveren grabbed an ornamental sword off his wall, ran upstairs, kicked in his neighbour’s door and waved the sword in his face screaming “Where is she?” But instead of being a hero, Van Iveren quickly realized that his neighbour was all alone and had been watching his porn just a bit too loudly. “Now I feel stupid," Van Iveren told police, who charged him with criminal trespass, criminal damage to property, and disorderly conduct while using a dangerous weapon. (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)

MAN’S BEST FRIEND, GAY MAN’S BEST MAN
A British aristocrat with plans to host same-sex weddings at his country estate has revealed a marketing campaign in which he will offer up the services of his gay dog Jasper to serve as best man at the ceremonies. Not only is Jasper gay but he’s also loaded, having been dubbed one of “Britain’s richest hounds” thanks to a quarter million dollar trust fund. "He is the perfect best man,” promises the dog’s owner. “He likes cleaning up leftover food, and I can promise couples that he will not make any embarrassing speeches.” (News.com.au)

EVEN DISASTERS FAVOUR THE RICH
A report from the International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies which tracked deaths from natural disasters in the 1990s, revealed that, on average, 23 people die per disaster in rich countries, 145 people die per disaster in medium developed nations, and 1,051 people die per disaster in very poor countries. (Ifrc.org)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
Right-handed people live an average of nine years longer than left-handed people.