CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

Curious Times No. 390
March 1, 2007

THESE GUYS ARE TERRIBLE FOR TOURISM
You may think that idiot you voted for in the last election is a complete dick but at least you don’t live in a country ruled by one of the world’s most insane dictators as ranked by David Wallechinsky, author of Tyrants: The World’s 20 Worst Living Dictators. Topping the list is Omar al-Bashir of Sudan, who is responsible for the slaughter of at least 180,000 civilians in Darfur and western Sudan. Second spot goes to North Korea’s Kim Jong-Il, who rules over the most tightly-controlled society on the planet today and has ranked dead last in political rights and civil liberties for the last 34 years in a row. The top 10 also includes Than Shwe (Burma), Robert Mugabe (Zimbabwe), Islam Karimov (Uzbekistan), Hu Jintao (China), King Abdullah (Saudi Arabia), Saparmurat Niyazof (Turkmenistan), Seyed Ali Khamane’i (Iran) and Teodoro Obian Nguema (Equatorial Guinea). Read all about the various atrocities committed by these megalomaniacs at Parade.com. By the way, Wallechinsky points out that two bad-asses from last year’s list have dropped out of the top 10 , not because their conduct has improved but because other dictators have gotten worse. How reassuring...

BIZARROCHRIST
If you’ve been wondering when the Antichrist will arrive on Earth you can wonder no more. Jose Luis de Jesus, the leader of thousands of followers in the “Creciendo en Gracia” church has the number 666 tattooed on his arm and has declared himself to be the Antichrist who has come to “replace Jesus on Earth.” But, according to de Jesus, this is actually a good thing, as the number 666 and the Antichrist are not evil but simply misunderstood. “Antichrist is the best person in the world,” says the church leader, who announced that he was the reincarnation of the Apostle Paul in 1988, then dubbed himself “The Other” in 1999, then claimed to be Jesus Christ himself in 2004, and finally, now, has admitted that he is actually the Antichrist. De Jesus, 61, first says that he first learned that he was Jesus reincarnate when angels came to him in a dream. Since then, his small cult has turned into a massive, lucrative church with members in over 30 countries. (CNN)

AND A 33 PERCENT GREATER CHANCE OF GETTING YOUR LAZY ASS FIRED
More great news for us slackers. A six-year-long study of 23,000 Greek men and women has concluded that taking an afternoon siesta reduces your chance of dying from heart disease. The research found that subjects who napped for 30 minutes a day three days a week had a third fewer deaths from heart disease than those who did not nap during working hours. (The Economist)

KIDS ARE SO MUCH SMARTER THESE DAYS
According to the latest research, smoking and drinking are down among North American teens. Instead, the new cool thing seems to be engaging in lots of oral sex. Ahh, to be young again... (DailyNewsCentral.com)

DIRTY WOMEN AT WORK
A recent test of men’s and women’s offices by a microbiology professor found that women’s offices had three to four time more bacteria, mold and yeast than men’s offices. According to professor Charles Gerba’s study, women had more germs on their telephones, keyboards, mice and pens, and had seven times more mold around their desk drawers. The lop-sided victory for the women is apparently due to two main reasons: women are more likely to keep food in their desk drawers; and women are more like to care of sick family members and then carry the germs with them to work. (StarTribune.com)

MAY THE DORKS BE WITH YOU
Star Wars geeks rejoice! Wookieepedia is now online with over 44,800 articles devoted to the biggest money-sucking franchise every created. So instead of trying to meet yucky girls you can log on an add your pointless knowledge at StarWars.Wikia.com.

IN SPACE NO ONE CAN HEAR ANYTHING
And while you’re wasting your life reading about Star Wars trivia you might as well check ou this clip where some keener has re-edited the Star Wars films into a three-minute-long silent movie.

POST SOMETHING ON THE NET AND SEE IF ANYONE BELIEVES IT DAY
I’m not so sure why you should beware the ides of March, but there are some other days this month which you better keep your head up for. Such as Be Nasty Day (March 8), Everything You Think Is Wrong Day (March 15), Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day (March 20), National Goof-off Day (March 22), and, of course, don’t miss Make Up Your Own Holiday Day on March 26.

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.