CURIOUS TIMES: Trippy News from a Dysfunctional Planet

Curious Times No. 388
February 15, 2007

THIS WILL REALLY SCREW UP YOUR ABILITY TO GET A NICE TAN
The mind-bogglingly insane idea of blocking the sun’s rays from reaching the Earth in order to reduce global warming has once again been raised by American politicians. In their response to the controversial United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change report (which concluded that there is a 90 percent chance that human activity is warming the planet and that temperatures could rise up to six degrees Celsius over the next century), U.S. policymakers officially recommended that scientists begin researching ways to block out the sun’s light as an “insurance policy” in case we are unable to reduce the emissions which contribute to global warming. According to the U.S. response, “modifying solar radiance may be an important strategy if mitigation of emissions fails... This is a very important possibility that should be considered." Possible ways this cunning plan might be accomplished include firing a giant screen or mirrors into orbit, pumping reflective sulfate droplets or dust into the upper atmosphere, or sending thousands of small, reflective balloons into space to absorb sunlight before it reaches the Earth. Scientists have previously speculated that reflecting less than 1% of sunlight back into space could compensate for the warming generated by all greenhouse gases emitted since the industrial revolution. (The Guardian)

NOT COOL
While we’re on the subject you can now order the world’s first Global Warming Coffee Mug. A map of the world adorns the outside of this mug, which is cool, but when you fill it up with a hot drink the low-lying land masses on the map begin to disappear as the ice caps melt and the ocean spreads across the coast lines. Get yours from Firebox.com.

MONEY CAN’T BUY YOU LOVE, BUT IT CAN GET YOU A LOT OF SEX
Time once again for the latest news from the “tell us something we don’t already know” branch of scientific research. A study of 600 extremely wealthy men and women has come to the shocking conclusion that massive wealth is good for your sex life. The survey, titled “Money as an Aphrodisiac — Being Rich Means Getting Lucky on Your Own Terms,” questioned men and women with an average net worth of $89 million, and found that 84 percent of rich women and 63 percent of rich men say that having money has improved their sex lives. You don’t say? Makes you wonder about those who haven’t been getting any luckier despite being extremely wealthy. Perhaps they are also extremely ugly... (Fox News)

ZERO BENEFITS AND NO ROOM FOR ADVANCEMENT
If you’re looking for a slightly more interesting job than whatever mindless crap you do now, check out the 20 oddest jobs as compiled at CareerBuilder.com. While some require a bit of specialized knowledge (whiskey ambassador, snow researcher, coffin maker), most of these jobs can be done by any slacker with the ability to work for minimum wage. For example, I can’t imagine that you even need a high-school diploma to become a potato chip inspector, a golf ball diver, a dog food taster, an egg inspector, or to be the guy who removes gum stuck to sidewalks, street benches and utility poles. Good luck with your new career!

PROOFREADERS WANTED
It’s either the first entrant in the “Stupid Book Title of the Year” competition or this publishing house forgot to hire a copy editor. Go check out “IF(Sid_Vicious == TRUE&& Alan Turing == TRUE) } ERROR_Cyberpunk() }”

GETTING ITCHY?
We’ve always known that the human skin is crawling with millions of microbes and bacteria, but a recent examination using DNA molecular testing found that there are at least 182 different species of bacteria living on your skin, and probably as many as 250, with microbes outnumbering human cells by a 10 to one margin. Interestingly, one of the researchers studying the microbes said that the common notion of washing your hands all the time to prevent illness may be useless because you end up washing off many of the “good” bacteria which form a protective layer over our skin as a defense against “bad” bacteria. (Scientific American)

MEN ARE BIG STUPID ANIMALS, LET’S CELEBRATE!
Now that Valentine’s Day is over it’s time for the men to get some payback. Check out SteakAndBJ.com for everything you need to know about what’s being billed as “the greatest holiday of the year” -- Steak and BJ Day --coming to a mouth near you on March 14.

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.