Curious
Times No. 384
January 18, 2007
STILL WAITING FOR MOVING SIDEWALKS AND FLYING CARS
According to the World Future Society (WFS.org)
humanity’s next step in evolution is to become telepathic.
Well, sort of... They actually call it techlepathy -- techno-enabled
telepathy -- in which wireless technology implanted into our brains
will enable us to think at each other as if we were actually telepathic.
Supposedly we are only about 25 years away from a time in which
nanorobotics are wired to our neurons in order to enhance our
brains with powerful computer processing abilities. In theory,
we then will be able to think of what we want to say to someone
and the patterns of our thoughts will be wirelessly sent to the
other person who will decode the thoughts before you even have
a chance to open your mouth. As handy as this will be the next
time you want to swear at the idiot driver who cut you off in
traffic, experts admit that the technology might be vulnerable
to spooky forms of mind-hacking (not to mention what an incredibly
bad idea this is for any man who wants a girlfriend). Nevertheless,
according to one “expert” at least, “techlepathy
should be as safe as having a mobile phone inside one’s head.”
Now that’s reassuring!
WARNING: DON’T DO ANYTHING IF YOU ARE A STUPID IDIOT
A group called the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch which tries to
protect victims of lawsuit abuse has released the winners of their
Tenth Annual Wacky Warning Label contest. This year’s winning
label was found on a washing machine which warned “Do not
put any person in this washer.” Second place was found in
the instructions of a personal watercraft which advised “Never
use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level,” and third
place was a tie between a lottery ticket which was imprinted with
the warning “Do not iron” and a cell phone which carried
a sticker which read “Don’t try to dry your phone in
a microwave oven.” Honorable mention went to a label on the
back cover of a phone book which warned “Please do not use
this directory while operating a moving vehicle.” (Mlaw.org)
GETTING NAILED IN THE HAND LESSONS
A 911 call to a the home in South Wales last week had the police
discover a man with his hand nailed to a coffee table. Strangely
enough this news report had no other details, with police reporting
that they were unsure if the incident was an accident or a prank,
and that there were “no suspicious circumstances” surrounding
the event. Okay... ho-hum news, but it reminded me of a much more
interesting tidbit from 2004, when a man in Harland, Maine was
forced to call 911 after trying to commit suicide by nailing himself
to a home-made crucifix. Police reported that the man had nailed
two pieces of wood together on the floor of his living room. After
scrawling the world “suicide” on the cross, he proceeded
to nail down one of his hands. At that point the man was forced
to dial 911 after he realized that he wouldn’t be able to
nail his other hand to the board. Police also added that they
weren’t sure if the man called 911 to get assistance with
his injury or to get help in nailing his other hand down. They
wisely chose to take him to hospical and remove the cross from
his arm.
THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT MY CLOTHES
Speaking of weirdos nailed to a cross, you now have a chance to
update Jesus' fashion statement. That white-flowing thing with
sandals was soooo first century. I went with a punk-rock-demon
ensemble, but feel free to get creative at JesusDressup.com.
BECAUSE MONEY BUYS HAPPINESS
Bad news for wives... a recent poll found that the majority of
men would much rather work more and get a 50 percent raise than
to work less and spend more time with their family.
BUT WE LIKE MESSY SEX
Professor Greg Stock, a biologist and expert on the genetics of
reproduction and ageing, told the world's largest ever gathering
of fertility experts that the idea of having sex in order to have
babies will be dead within 20 years. He predicts that human beings
will take control of their evolution using emerging technologies
to create designer babies while the "messy business"
of procreation will be abandoned. "This is the beginning
of the end of sex as the way we reproduce," he said, "we
will view our children as too important to leave it to a random
meeting of sperm and eggs." (London Express)
LUCY WAY BEYOND THE ATMOSPHERE WITH WHITE DWARVES Astronomers
have discovered the largest diamond in the universe in the core
of an old sun about 50 light-years from Earth in the constellation
of Centaurus. The 10 billion trillion trillion carat diamond measuring
at least 4,000 kilometers across is a massive chunk of crystallized
carbon, technically a white dwarf left over after the star burned
itself out. Officially known as BPM 37093, the diamond has been
nicknamed “Lucy” after the Beatles song “Lucy in
the Sky with Diamonds.” Astronomers say that our sun will
also become a white dwarf in about five billion years, leaving
a massive cosmic diamond in the center of what’s left of
our solar system. (BBC)
I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
In
2001 a Californian inmate was given the right to send his semen
in the mail in order to artificially inseminate his wife.
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