Curious
Times No. 376
November 23, 2006
O
CUM ALL YE FAITHFUL
If one of your Christmas wishes is to help bring peace on Earth
but you want to do the least amount of work possible to bring
it about, you’ll probably want to join the First Annual Solstice
Synchronized Global Orgasm for World Peace, which takes place
on December 22. This experiment will be an attempt to join the
world’s citizens in a simultaneous orgasm combined with thoughts
of peace and love for all humankind. According to the website:
“The mission of the Global Orgasm is to effect change in
the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible
surge of human energy.” Their hope is that this “concentrated
positive energy” will affect the Earth’s energy field
enough to “reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression
and violence throughout the world.” While the simple promise
of an orgasm is a good enough excuse to lend your hand to this
project, there might even be a chance to be involved in one of
the world’s largest experiments in thought energy, as the
creators of this event promise that Princeton University’s
Global Consciousness Project will be monitoring the output of
human energy on that day with the hope of seeing a measurable
change in the results as have occurred during the 9/11 attack
and the Indian Ocean tsunami. Join the fun at GlobalOrgasm.org.
CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
Of course, some unfortunate people will not have a choice whether
or not to join the Global Orgasm. Like those suffering from the
bizarre sexual condition called Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome
(PSAS), which afflicts women with the strange problem of having
orgasms on a near continual basis and at the very slightest provocation.
An article in a Japanese newspaper alerted me to this syndrome,
where it goes by the charming name of Cum Cum Disease (Iku Iku
byo), and is claimed to be responsible for sending some women
to the edge of suicide due to the “draining,” “painful,”
and “demeaning” experience of near-constant orgasms
throughout the day. “If a guy simply taps me on the shoulder,
I just swoon. Even when I go to the toilet, my body reacts,”
reported one sufferer. “Even the vibration of my mobile phone
is enough to set me off,” said another. One woman reported
having up to 300 orgasms in a single day. (Mainichi
Daily News)
HOW ROMANTIC
All this news about orgasms reminded me of a story from a few
years back when a 41-year-old German woman, on trial for shoplifting,
told the judge that she was doing it for the sexual kick. "I
have an orgasm whenever a department store detective discovers
me stealing and grabs my shoulder from behind," she claimed.
THE CURE FOR THE COMMON CONDOM
A new invention now being marketed in South Africa hopes to put
an end to the unromantic chore of trying to put on a condom during
sex. The “Pronto” condom no longer requires you to tear
open the wrapper and try to figure out which way is up. Instead,
the wrapper is designed as part of the condom which you simply
snap open, grab the two sides to roll the condom down, and then
pull the wrapper off. “If you’re slow, it’ll take
you three seconds. You can really do it in one,” said inventor
Willem van Rensburg, who claimed that the idea came after studies
showed that the “struggle factor” was the main reason
people don’t bother to use condoms. (AFP)
CHAIRMEN OF THE BORED
If you’ve had enough of the exciting and unusual it might
be time to join the Dull Men’s Club at DullMen.com.
November is Fig Month over at the DMC, where they are celebrating
the fact that figs are good for you and taste great. Their exceptionally
bland website boasts “no violence or scary scenes” and
promises not to use exclamation marks. Instead, you’ll get
some bland ideas for spending your time like watching clothes
dry, making lists, staying up late to change the clocks each spring
and fall, or watching BBC2 in the morning. The website also includes
boring reports such as the analysis of 376 airport baggage carousels
which found that 44.8 percent of them rotate counterclockwise.
Unfortunately for the ladies, women are not invited to the Dull
Men’s Club, because, according to the founder of the society,
“women are exciting.”
SEND THE SAVINGS TO THE POOR DEHYDRATED CHILDREN OF THE WORLD
WHO DON’T LIVE WITHIN A HALF A BLOCK OF A COFFEE SHOP
If you’re life is so tiny and pathetic that it would give
you some glee to cut into the profits of Starbucks you might want
to look up the term “Ghetto Latte” on the web. This
minor scam involves buying a lower-end basic drink at Starbucks
and then using their free condiments to create a more luxurious
end user experience. According to people who care, you could,
for example, buy a double shot of espresso on ice and add free
milk and sugar until you have a pseudo-iced coffee for about half
the price. Or, even better, hold the ice, add more milk and pop
the drink in a microwave for the full-on “Ghetto Latte”
which, supposedly, has been judged favorably in taste tests against
“real” lattes.
I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
Women born in May and December live an average of three years
longer than women born in August.
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