HARRY POTTER JOINS THE AXIS OF EVIL
The Vatican’s senior exorcist and president of the International
Association of Exorcists (yes, they really do exist), lashed out
against Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Harry Potter last week,
calling all three of them tools of Satan. According to Father
Gabriele Amorth, who is said to have performed over 30,000 exorcisms
in his career, the Harry Potter books hide “the signature
of the king of darkness, the devil.” He also claimed that
Hitler and Stalin where both possessed by Satan and that wartime
pontiff Pope Pius XII attempted a long-distance exorcsim on Hilter
which failed to work. “I am convinced that the Nazis were
all possessed,” Father Amorth told Vatican Radio. “All
you have to do is think about what Hitler - and Stalin did. Almost
certainly they were possessed by the devil.” (The
Telegraph)
AND YOU THOUGHT YOGA WAS FOR WIMPS
I found this exceptionally bizarre film clip from a 1979 martial
arts movie in which some crazy-flexible yoga dude battles two
kung fu fighters. If you’ve never been kicked in the face
by a guy who has his leg wrapped around his head you might not
want to miss this.
BROUGHT
TO YOU BY THE STUPIDEST PLANET IN THE GALAXY
Click fast if you want your vote counted in this year’s World
Stupidity Awards, which recognizes moronic achievements in nine
categories including “Stupidest Man of the Year,” “Dumbest
Moment of the Year,” Stupidest Movie of the Year,” and
“Stupidest Trend of the Year.” The website explains
that while there are awards for people who kill themselves doing
stupid things (check out DarwinAwards.com), these awards are for
“those still living, who are probably more influential and
dangerous.” Like George Bush, who again has his very own
category -- “Stupidest Statement by President George W. Bush.”
This year they are also awarding a Lifetime Achievement Award
for Stupidity to the Middle East. Go vote at StupidityAwards.com
EAT CRAP, LIVE PAST 100
A 112-year-old California man who died last week of pneumonia
stumped the experts who can’t understand how he managed to
live so long while eating such crap. According to a doctor ffrom
the Gerontology Research Group in L.A., the supercentenarian “had
terrible bad habits. He had a diet largely of sausages and waffles.”
(MSNBC)
MY
BODY IS A WORK OF BAD ART
Time now for another public service announcement meant to protect
you from your own drunken self. The next time your so-called friends
drag you to a tattoo parlor after you’re too drunk to think,
try hard to remember the hideous tattoos you saw at the
“Really Bad Tattoos" website.
SHITTY
NEWS
And now it’s payback time for all you irritating germaphobes
who try to guilt me into washing my hands after using the washroom.
Read this and weep... according to microbiologist Dr. Charles
Gerba of the University of Arizona, the riskiest part of going
to the washroom is turning on the water to wash your hands after
you’re done. Apparently the hot water taps usually have far
more fecal matter on them than the toilet seats. Turning on the
water also “disturbs the microbes that dwell in a slimy matrix
in the drain... those cells get airborne,” says another professor.
And if you think there is any escape from tiny pieces of airborne
shit, think again. According to this report, when you flush the
toilet with the lid up, fecal bacteria are propelled into the
air, landing on the tank, the floor, the seat and the toilet paper.
Then, when your hands are finally clean, the hot-air dryers kick
in to propel more bacteria around the room, and the final obstacle
to your escape -- the door handle on the way out -- is also covered
with fecal matter. Lovely... (The
Globe and Mail)
CRAZY LOUD MUSIC
Okay kids, another warning from Gramps... an audiology expert
in Britain claims that listening to loud music on your iPod may
leave you with the psychological condition of hearing music hallucinations.
This might sound cool but the doctor assures us that the phenomena
is quite distressing for those who suffer from it. According to
Dr. Aziz, listening to music at high volume can cause tinnitus
and inner ear damage which causes the brain to hear phantom music.
The condition commonly occurs when people move from listening
to their iPod on a subway to a quiet office. With no more audio
stimuli, the brain generates random impulses and interprets them
as sound. It then matches the sounds to music which you know and
then a song begins in your head.
I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
A woman burns 27 calories while having an orgasm, compared to
160 calories while faking an orgasm.
MY
BODY IS A WORK OF BAD ART 