Curious
Times No. 350
May 25, 2006
GO
ON... I KNOW YOU WANT TO
Last week I reported that eating extremely large amounts of red
hot chili peppers might prevent prostate cancer. This week I have
even better news and a much easier method of warding off the disease.
A team of researchers in Australia have concluded that masturbating
as often as possible while you are young also somehow helps prevent
prostate cancer. Based on the surveys of over 2300 men suffering
from the disease, the team concluded that the protective effect
of masturbation at its greatest if a man ejaculates more than
five times per week during his twenties. The researchers speculate
that ejaculation flushes out the build up of carcinogens. (New
Scientist)
MORE REASONS TO INDULGE
Researchers in Texas report that the combination of caffeine and
alcohol seems to protect laboratory rats from suffering brain
damage following a stroke. Meanwhile, in a different study reported
in New Scientist, researchers found that moderate amounts of red
wine help prevent the onset of hearing loss as you grow older.
SMELLS LIKE DEAD SPIRIT
The wait is almost over for all you Kurt Cobain fans wondering
when your dead hero will finally be releasing some new material.
According to psychic Victoria Bullis writing in the magazine Stuff,
Cobain will be reborn within 15 years as a child prodigy of classical
piano. Bullis also revealed that Cobain spent his last lifetime
on Earth “tortured and depressed” because of a previous
life in the 16th century when he “herded a bunch of people
into the dungeon underneath a castle and let them all suffocate.”
NOW I REALLY WANT TO KILL MYSELF
A 47-year-old German man who tried to commit suicide by jumping
in front of a train is now being forced to pay several thousand
dollars for the damage he caused during his little escapade. According
to court testimony, the man tried to jump under the train but
leapt too late and crashed through the side window of the driver’s
cabin, suffering only minor wounds. “Although the man was
not guilty of a crime, there is a rule in the civil code which
means that for reasons of equity, he had to pay for part of the
damage,” ruled the court, ordering him to pay half of the
$5,325 damages. (Reuters)
I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY PANTS
Pants manufacturer Jockey has finally designed a pair of pants
which will move with the wearer’s skin in order to always
cover up the crack in a man’s ass and never expose innocent
bystander’s to the horrors of plumber’s butt (or “builder’s
bum “ as this seems to be called in the UK.) 6,000 male bodies
were measured in order to create a “stay put” shape
which will prevent the pants from creeping below the beltline.
“The builder`s bum... is officially going to be a thing of
the past,” stated the triumphant spokesperson for Jockey.
(UTV
Newswoom)
WAIT,
I CAN’T REMEMBER WHO I WAS THREATENING TO KILL ONE SECOND
AGO
Dutch inventors are working on a sound system which will drown
out chanting soccer hooligans by blasting their own screams back
at them at a slight delay. Experiments found that a carefully
timed echo of a crowd’s chanting played back to them would
screw up their brains enough to make it almost impossible to chant
insults and abuse at the players or opposing fans. However, the
system if far from perfected, and most soccer clubs aren’t
willing to try it out in their own stadiums. “If you frustrate
an audience by making it impossible to chant, you need to be very
careful how you channel their frustration,” said one of the
researchers on this project. “If they stop chanting but start
rioting out of frustration, then you’re worse off.”
(New
Scientist)
I’M NOT WASTING MY TIME SLEEPING, IT’S RESEARCH FOR
MY NEXT NOVEL...
Check out the website BrilliantDreams.com
for a cool collection of 12 famous dreams which sparked new creations
from writers, scientists, musicians and inventors. Among the creations
which are credited to dreams are Mary Shelley's Frankenstein,
the Beatles song “Yesterday,” Kekulé’s dreams
of molecules and benzene structure, the sewing machine, and Stephen
King’s “Misery.”
ARTS AND CRAFTS FOR CREEPY WEIRDOS
Okay, if you a little boy or a sicko who likes little boys, you
can learn how to make a wallet out of a pair of boys underwear
at Craftbits.com.
Don’t let your wife find out...
DO CHICKENS DANCE?
Awww crap... sorry I didn’t bring this to your attention
earlier, but I didn’t know that May 14 was National Dance
Like a Chicken Day. Start preparing now for next year.
I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
During an episode of The Jerry Springer Show, a man identified
only as "Mark" proudly claimed that he was so in love
with his horse Pixel, that he married her, and has consummated
the marriage. Uggh.
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