Curious
Times No. 342
March 30, 2006
IF
THE POLICE CAN'T HELP YOU, IT'S TIME FOR MERMAIDS AND BULL GENITALS
Here's yet another from the "Scams You Wouldn't Think Could
Possibly Work" files. A Zimbabwean "healer" has
been found guilty of conning a businesswoman out of $30,000 in
order to pay for mermaids who would be able to recover her stolen
car. According to court testimony, the money was supposed to be
spent on importing mermaids from the United Kingdom and accomodating
them in a Zimbabwean hotel. The rest of the money was to be used
to pay for a bull, whose genitals were somehow supposed to help
the mermaids find the thief of the businesswoman's luxury vehicle.
A
SUCKER DIES EVERY MINUTE
A man in New Athens, Illinois has set up a service to try to connect
the recently dead with their still-living relatives. His idea,
Afterlife Telegrams, finds terminally ill patients who are taught
to memorize messages and are asked to try to deliver them to their
relatives after they pass away. At AfterlifeTelegrams.com, you
can order the service for five bucks a word, but before you waste
your money, remember that even the inventor of this concepts admits
"we cannot rule out the possibility that there could be no
afterlife at all."
IF
YOU MUST WASTE YOUR MONEY, SEND IT TO ME
Another warning has been issued to gullible consumers who purchase
miraculous sounding health products over the net. Basically the
warning is this: the internet is loaded with scams, and virtually
every offer that sounds too good to be true is designed to part
you with your cash. No kidding! But for those of you who insist
on wasting your money, the International Marketing Supervision
Network has set up a website at www.econsumer.gov where complaints
can be filed. Among the top health scams reported to the IMSN
are multi-coloured shirts that claim to make you smarter, lotions
and fragrances which will spice up your sex life, salt crystal
lamps to enhance your immune system, fountain of youth treatments
to turn back the aging process, magnetic fields to help cure AIDS,
and dozens more.
IT’S
A SAFE BET THAT CEOs ARE CHEATING ON THEIR WIVES
Police have arrested a 35-year-old Korean man who had copied a
successful scam carried out by a Japanese man who raked in about
220 million yen by randomly sending letters to corporate executives
threatening to expose their extramarital affairs if they didn't
pay up. He had sent 250 copies of the letter, which read "I
am working with a pornography business, and I have secured evidence
that you committed adultery. Unless you send 1 million won to
me, I will publicize it," and he had already received about
US$7,500 by the time police caught up with him. (Korea Herald)
TAKE TWO ASPIRIN AND SHAVE EVERY MORNING
I love it when scientists reveal studies with conclusions for
which they haven't got the foggiest clue. This week researchers
at Bristol University found that men who don't shave every day
have are 70 per cent more likely to have a stroke than men who
shave every day. It took them 20 years to find this out, but they
admit that even with 20 years of research they don't know why
they found these results. Interestingly, they also found that
men who don't shave every day have fewer orgasms, are shorter
than daily shavers, and tend to suffer from angina. Can you say
huh? (Reuters)
DIAMONDS
ARE FOREVER, AND SO IS DEATH
A company called LifeGem is offering up a service to turn your
dead relatives into diamonds. The company has perfected a technique
by which it takes the carbon left over by a human body after it
is cremated, and turns it into a .25-carat blue diamond. The process
takes about 16 weeks, in which the remains are heated to about
3,000 degrees Celsius and then pressed under intense pressure
and heat to create the synthetic diamond. The cost is about $4,000.
The company figures it will hit it big in Japan, where about 98
per cent of stiffs are cremated. Check it out at LifeGem.com.
FOR
THE ANIMAL LOVER WHO HAS ALMOST EVERYTHING
Haven't you always wanted a dildo shaped like an animal's penis?
No, I didn't think so. Nevertheless, you can order one on the
web of course. Maybe you should wait till you get off work, then
log on to www.ZooFur.com.
GAG
ME WITH A GEORGE
And if you really want to lose your appetite, check out these
hideous photoshopped images of Dubya's head on various supermodel
bodies, at HereInReality.com/wgirls
I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE
FACT OF THE WEEK
Millions of trees in the world are accidentally planted by squirrels
who bury nuts and then forget where they hid them.
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