Curious
Times No. 326
December
8, 2005
YOU WILL GO INTO A DEEP TRANCE AND ACT LIKE A HUMAN
I’ll bet you probably didn’t know that it’s possible
to hypnotize a chicken (and I’ll bet you didn’t want
to know...but I’ll ignore that for now). So if you ever want
to impress some chicks, the Old Farmer’s Almanac gives detailed
instructions for three different methods of hypnotizing a chicken:
The Oscillating Finger Method, The Sternum Stroke Method, and
The Chalk Line Method. According to Dr. Doris White, a New Jersey
chicken farmer who teaches these techniques to other farmers,
a chicken can be hypnotized for up to several hours although a
sudden movement or loud noise will bring the bird out of its trance.
Dr. White also claims that wild birds are easier to hypnotize
than domestic ones, and that pheasants are the easiest birds of
all to put under. (www.almanac.com)
BAD ART KILLED MY DOG
A
man who thought it would be “super cool” to own a painting
by serial killer John Wayne Gacy now regrets his decision, claiming
that the signed self-portrait of Gacy’s alter-ego “Pogo
the Clown” he purchased in 2001 has plagued his life with
bad luck. First, says Nikki Stone, his dog died and his mother
found out she had cancer. When he asked his friend to store the
painting, the friend’s neighbor was killed in a car accident.
The next friend who took the painting off his hands attempted
suicide. The painting is now in the hands of an art dealer who
says “I’m not afraid of it... I don’t believe in
the hocus-pocus and the bad mojo that comes with it.” Stone
originally bought the painting because he figured that the artwork
of the deranged lunatic would inevitably go up in value. “It’s
the most evil of bastards who are most in demand,” said Stone.
John “Killer Clown” Gacy, executed in 1994 for the torture
and murder of 33 boys and men, was also known to perform as Pogo
the Clown at children’s parties. By the way, you can buy
your own deranged artwork by psychopaths at www.supernaught.com.
(Boston
Herald)
TIME TO BUILD OUR VERY OWN DEATH STAR
A former Canadian Minister of Defense and Deputy Prime Minister
has asked Canadian Senators to begin a 10-year program of public
hearings on “Exopolitics” - the subject of humanity’s
dealings with ethical. advanced extraterrestrial civilizations
may be visiting Earth. In a speech at the University of Toronto,
Paul Hellyer, Canada’s Defense Minister from 1963-67, claimed
that “UFOs are as real as the airplanes that fly over your
head,” and warned that “the United States military are
preparing weapons which could be used against the aliens, and
they could get us into an intergalactic war without us ever having
any warning.” Working with the Institute for Cooperation
in Space and America’s Disclosure Project, Hellyer has asked
the Senate to begin the “Decade of Contact” program,
“a 10-year process of formal, funded public education, scientific
research, educational curricula development and implementation,
strategic planning, community activity, and public outreach concerning
our terrestrial society’s full cultural, political, social,
legal, and governmental communication and public interest diplomacy
with advanced, ethical Off-Planet cultures now visiting Earth.”
(exopolitics.blogs.com)
FOR THE TALENT PORTION OF THE SHOW, I WILL SWALLOW 50 CONDOMS
FULL OF DRUGS...
23-year-old
Angelica Mazua has won the world’s largest beauty pageant
for prisoners, San Paulo, Brazil’s Miss Penitentiary 2005
competition. 40 inmates from ten prisons -- all finalists in the
categories of beauty, poetry, prose and congeniality -- had their
nails, hair and makeup done by volunteers and wore donated evening
gowns in order to compete for the title last Thursday. “It
helps their self esteem,” said Irani Torres, director of
a prison in the city of Rio Claro. “It helps them feel human.
It shows that they’re capable people, that independent of
the crime, they are a part of society.” (Reuters)
I
THINK HE MEANT “BULLET-RESISTANT”
And now, from the “Kids, Don’t Try This At Home”
department, news out of Dubai where two men face murder charges
after testing out the magical powers of their victim who claimed
that he was bullet proof. “I first shot him in the abdomen,
but he pretended he was not hurt,” said one of the defendents.
So his friend shot him in the head, ending the magical run of
the bulletproof man. (Khaleej
Times)
THREATENING THEM WITH A SHOTGUN SEEMS TO WORK TOO
A British inventor has created a device designed to keep annoying
teens from loitering outside of stores by emitting an irritating
squeal at them that most people over the age of 20 (and almost
nobody over the age of 30) can hear. The Mosquito takes advantage
of the fact that young people can hear much higher frequencies
of sound than adults, so it broadcasts an irritating high-pitched
pulsing noise which drives teens away from the front of shops.
“It’s loud and squeaky and it just goes through you,”
explained a 15-year-old. The Mosquito has not yet been tested
by hearing experts, but if the device is approved it should replace
the only other options which shopkeepers have had so far -- playing
classical music outside their stores, or using a “zit lamp,”
a blue light which irritates teens by accentuating the zits on
their faces. (New
York Times)
“I READ IT ON THE INTERNET SO IT MUST BE TRUE” FACT
OF THE WEEK
During a lifetime, the average person spends about six months
waiting at red lights.
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