Curious
Times No. 324
November 24, 2005
EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL
Bad news for those of you suffering from the mind control tactics
of black ops agents and aliens. It turns out that a home-made
tin foil hat will not actually protect you. (Don’t know what
I’m talking about? Get with the program at zapatopi.net/afdb,
the website of the Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie.) Tech nerds
at MIT experimented with the claims of Tin Foil hat enthusiasts
and found that the hats actually amplify radio signals beamed
into a human brain. The experiments, titled “On the Effectiveness
of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study,” used $250,000
of equipment and three styles of tin foil hat (the Classical,
the Fez, and the Centurion) to come to the sinister realization
that the government may actually have started the Tin Foil Hat
urban legend in order to help them control their subjects. “It
requires no stretch of the imagination to conclude that the current
helmet craze is likely to have been propagated by the Government,
possibly with the involvement of the FCC,” concluded the
study. “We hope this report will encourage the paranoid community
to develop improved helmet designs to avoid falling prey to these
shortcomings.” (MIT)
LET’S SETTLE THIS AT CAT FIGHT CLUB
If you’ve ever wondered how to snatch a man like Brad Pitt,
your answer may lie with the voodoo spells of Black Magick. This
is supposedly how Angelina Jolie managed to break up Pitt’s
marriage, according to the author of the “Voodoo Spellbook”
who claims that a vial of bat remains which Jolie gave to Brad
Pitt was probably part of a love spell. “That vial sounds
suspiciously like a voodoo ‘mojo hand’, or magical charm,”
said Dr. Snake, self-proclaimed Voodoo expert. “One dark
voodoo spell uses Bat’s Heart Incense which is burnt to break
up a love affair or marriage - very ominous in the light of Brad
Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s split.” Of course, before
you use the black arts to lure your favorite sex toy, I should
point out that you’ll probably have more success if you follow
Jolie’s lead and get rich, hot, and kinky first... good luck!
(MonstersAndCritics.com)
IN CHINA, THERE ARE TWO SUCKERS BORN EVERY MINUTE
A Chinese company was shut down by the Chinese government last
week after they started selling property rights to land on the
moon. For a mere 298 Yuan (approximately US$37), various suckers
where able to purchase an acre of moon land and the rights to
any minerals on the land down to a depth of three kilometres.
49 acres of prime moon property was sold in three days before
the company was shut down. Of course, this doesn’t mean you
can’t get your own piece of the action. Moon land is still
for sale at www.planetaryinvestments.com.
(Agence
France-Presse)
WHO KNEW $300 MILLION COULD RESTORE BALANCE TO THE UNIVERSE?
A Moscow court has thrown out a $300-million lawsuit from a Russian
astrologer who claimed “moral damages” against NASA,
after the American space agency’s experiment which crashed
a scientific probe into a comet last July. Marina Bai had argued
that the impact “ruins the natural balance of forces in the
universe” and infringes on my spiritual and life values.”
While the experiment obviously upset Bai’s grip on reality,
the court still refused to move forward with the suit. (Sapa-dpa)
“BLUE
BALLS” GETS A NEW DEFINITION
Normally the last thing any man would consent to is having electric
shocks delivered to his testicles, but according to news out of
Serbia, men are lining up for a contraceptive treatment which
does exactly that. Fertility expert Dr. Sava Bojovic claims that
his new technique can make men temporarily infertile by zapping
their sperm with low-level electric shocks. “We attach electrodes
to either side of the testicles,” said, Dr. Bojovic, and
at this point 90% of men stopped listening. For the truly adventurous,
the procedure continues like so... “and send low electricity
currents flowing through them. This stuns the sperm, effectively
putting them to sleep for up to 10 days, which means couples can
have sex without fear of getting pregnant.” He also claimed
that this technique does no long-term damage to the patient or
the patient’s sack, but of course he would say that. His
next plan is to develop a small battery powered version of this
contraption just in time for the holiday season. (Ananova)
THE CURE FOR WINTER
A small village in Italy is trying to find over $100,000 in order
to build a mirror which will deflect sunlight into their main
square during the dark winter months. No really... the town of
Viganella is located at the bottom of a very steep-sided Alpine
valley and receives absolutely no sunlight between Nov. 12 and
Feb. 2 each year. “It’s like Siberia,” complained
one resident. To fix this problem the town’s mayor has hired
an architect to design a giant mirror to be built a few hundred
metros above the town, in order to reflect sunlight falling on
the mountain side and direct it down to the village’s main
square. The motorized mirror would sit on a track and follow the
sun’s rays throughout the day. “On a clear day this
would produce five hours of sunlight in the piazza even in mid-December,”
claimed the architect. (BBC)
“I READ IT ON THE INTERNET SO IT MUST BE TRUE”
FACT OF THE WEEK
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
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