Curious
Times No. 321
November
3, 2005
MORE PLOTS FOR CRAPPY HORROR FLICKS
That idea you had when you were 8-years-old about creating a remote-controlled
live rat is now a reality. Scientists at the State University
of New York have implanted electrodes into the brains of rats
in order to control their movements. Each time one of these rats
gets a command to move left, right, or forward, it simultaneously
receives a jolt to the part of its brain which delivers the pleasure
chemical dopamine into its system, making the rat happily follow
the commands. Head researcher John Chapin believes these rats
may be used in the future as explosive-sniffers which are cheaper
and easier to handle than dogs, or in search-and-rescue missions
where they could crawl under piles of debris to look for survivors
of terrorist attacks or natural disasters. (Times
Union)
THIS DEVICE COULD SAVE A LOT OF MARRIAGES
Okay, so the remote-controlled rats don’t concern you...
but guess who’s next? Japanese inventors from the Nikkon
Telegraph & Telephone Corporation have created a device which
can force you to move around against your will. The technology
is called “galvanic vestibular stimulation,” and consists
of a specially-designed headset which shoots an extremely low
voltage electric current into the nerve cells inside your ears.
This upsets your sense of balance enough to create an irresistible
urge to move in the direction chosen by whoever is in charge of
the remote control to your head. The inventors of this device
claim that it could be used for benign purposes such as creating
more realistic sensations in video games and amusement rides,
or compensating for a loss of balance in the elderly and helping
them prevent falls. However, a defense contractor in Texas is
already experimenting with the technology in order to create the
weapon of the future by finding exactly the right electromagnetic
pulse to fire at people in order to incapacitate them. (CNN)
WAR IS SO 20TH CENTURY
And now the good news... a study released last week by the United
Nations has revealed that global violence has been declining dramatically
over the past few decades and is at its lowest level ever. Yes,
despite George Bush’s insistence on starting wars wherever
there is oil to be controlled, the statistics actually show that
there are 40% less political conflicts than there were at the
end of the Cold War, and that the average number of deaths per
conflict was 600 in 2002, down from 37,000 in 1950. Last year’s
25 civil conflicts worldwide was the lowest number since 1976.
(betterhumans.com)
DON’T LET YOUR JEDI MIND TRICKS GO TO WASTE
Toronto lawyer Andrew Berger, 29, made Canada proud last week
by smacking down 500 competitors from around the world and winning
the Fourth Annual Rock Paper Scissors World Championships in front
of his hometown crowd in Toronto. Berger beat out Californian
student Stan Long by throwing paper to take the gold medal and
$7,000 prize. “My personal strategy was to read the minds
of my competitors and figure out what they were thinking,”
claimed Berger. (www.worldrps.com)
NEXT TIME GET IT IN WRITING
A Romanian prisoner has filed a lawsuit against God, claiming
that his baptism was a contract which was supposed to keep the
Devil away, but that this contract was broken by God despite receiving
“various goods and prayers in exchange for forgiveness and
the promise that I would be rid of problems and have a better
life.” Instead, claims Pavel M, God left him in the Devil’s
hands. The lawsuit reads, in part, “I, the undersigned Pavel
M, currently jailed at Timisoara Penitentiary serving a 20 years
sentence for murder, request legal action against God, resident
in Heaven, and represented here by the Romanian Orthodox Church,
for committing the following crimes: cheating, concealment, abuse
against people’s interest, taking bribe and traffic of influence.”
(Ananova)
I WISH I COULD GET MY MONEY BACK
If your Christmas wish list includes a wishing machine which can
make your wishes come true, look no further. A mere $499.95 will
buy you the “Psychotronic Wishing Machine.” According
to a company called Life Technology Research International (lifetechnology.org),
which appears to be serious about separating fools from their
money, the Psychotronic Wishing Machine uses technology called
Radionics to make your dreams come true through “conscious
human interaction with subtle energy fields.” Simply tell
this machine what you want, then leave it on until your wish comes
true.
MY NEW FAVOURITE WORD... AND HOBBY
We expect bullshit of all kinds in every form of media, but somehow
it seems that the dictionary would be sacred. Sorry, wrong again...
It turns out that dictionary editors put fake words into their
books in order to protect the wholesale copying of their works.
So feel free to slip the word “esquivalience” into your
conversation the next time you want to stump some word-geek. According
to the New Oxford American Dictionary (and only according to them),
esquivalience comes from 19th century French, meaning “the
willful avoidance of one’s official responsibilities.”
(New
Yorker)
“I READ IT SOMEWHERE SO IT MUST BE TRUE” FACT OF
THE WEEK
According to a survey by the National Confectioners Association,
nine out of 10 parents admit to stealing their children's Halloween
candy.
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