Curious
Times No. 317
October 6, 2005
HALF-MAN, HALF-MACHINE, HALF-MALFUNCTIONING ELECTRONICS
Popular Science magazine has compiled a great collection of
predictions which gauge how long it will take various strange
new technologies to enter the human body. The article asks “Will
We Merge With Machines?”, and offers some of the more likely
ways in which technology will enter and change our bodies within
the next 15 years or so. Among the goodies to look forward to
is a cellphone implanted into your jawbone, a “bionic ear”
surgically attached to your inner ear, microchips implanted on
your hippocampus in order to enhance your memory and reverse the
effects of Alzheimer’s, and microchips implanted in the motor
cortex just beneath your skull in order to enable you to control
electronic devices with your thoughts. The tech-geeks also promise
to make dieting easier than ever with a device that has helped
test subjects lose 25 to 40 percent of their body fat by delivering
mild shocks to the stomach in order to make the brain believe
you are already full. (Popular
Science)
HOW TO BE A SARCASTIC PRICK WITHOUT SAYING A WORD
If you're just learning to sign don't forget to complete your
education with The Big Book of Sign Language, a dictionary of
“contemporary American sign language,” originally posted
at gapingmaw.com, but removed due to lawsuit threats from Random
House (but you can view it here).
Along with the classics illustrated above, (left to right: “You’ve
got the biggest melons I’ve ever seen" “Who’s
up for some fisting?” "Wanna Party?" "Grab
My Tits and Pinch") you’ll also find such much-needed
signs such as “I’m an idiot,” “I work at Wal-Mart,”
“I had an abortion for Christmas,” “Woo-hoo! Metallica
Rules!” and “Your mouth’s a-flappin’ but I’m
not a-listening.”
WHY
MEN DIE YOUNGER
We may finally have learned why women live longer than men. Researchers
at the University of Liverpool have discovered a bizarre correlation
between violence against women and shorter life expectancies of
men worldwide. The study found that the average life span of men
is directly proportional to the amount of female murders in each
country. The higher the rates of murders against women, the earlier
men die. “Our data suggest that oppression and exploitation
harm the oppressors as well as those they oppress,” concluded
the researchers. (Health
Day News)
IT’S A WILD WORLD
It was only a matter of time before the wild animals of the world
ran out of natural prey and began eating humans. Just keep your
weapon loaded and be grateful you don’t live in Ethiopia,
where 20 villagers were killed and eaten last week by a hungry
pride of lions which had run out of food in the jungle. The attacks
have forced over 1,000 people from their homes while authorities
try to figure out a way to stop nature’s power shift. “The
lions are coming from the bush seeking food,” said a police
spokesperson, who added that more lion attacks can be expected
in areas where wild prey have been reduced by over-hunting, deforestation
and human encroachment into wild areas. (CNN)
ROBOTS WHO KILL
South Korea has announced plans to develop an army of eight-legged
armed robots to help patrol the demilitarized zone along the North
Korean border. The 33 billion Won investment plans to create knee-high
robots equipped with weapons and sporting as many as eight legs
for scrambling around on uneven terrain. The robots will initially
take over duties now performed by dogs, such as sniffing out explosives
or catching intruders, but South Korea’s Defense Ministry
hopes that eventually the robots -- along with other high-tech
weapons systems -- will allow them to reduce the number of troops
in the DMZ by about 25 percent over the next 15 years. (Reuters)
MY BLOODY HOLIDAY
And now a Curious Times travel advisory. If you’re looking
to get stabbed on your next holiday you might consider booking
a tour of Scotland, which was recently tagged with the dubious
honor of being the most violent country in the developed world.
The United Nations report claimed that you are more than three
times as likely to be assaulted in Scotland than in America, with
knife attacks being the most popular form of violence upon the
more than 2,000 Scots who are attacked each week. (The
Times UK)
THIS IS YOUR WEBSITE ON DRUGS
You know how they say you should do what you love? Well, if you
love doing psychedelic drugs there is a great opportunity to build
an internet empire with a list of 55 drug-related domain names
which failed to sell on eBay
last week. The asking price was an insane $225,000, which explains
the lack of interested buyers, but perhaps you could negotiate
with the seller to grab these for a more reasonable fee. Among
the potential money farms are the domain names shrooms.com, psychedelic.com,
marijuana101.com, and psilocybins.com.
“I READ IT ON THE INTERNET SO IT MUST BE TRUE” FACT
OF THE WEEK
Seventy percent of Americans sign their pets’ names on greeting
cards.
Copyright
2005 by Andreas Ohrt
