Curious
Times No. 314
September
15, 2005
BE EXTRA CAREFUL WHERE YOU PUT YOUR PENIS
A South African inventor has created a new female condom designed
to stop rape by hooking sharp barbs of wire into a man’s
penis if he tries to sexually assault a woman wearing the device.
The “Rapex” is worn like a tampon and will grab hold
of a man’s penis and attach itself to his dick until he gets
to a hospital to have the metal barbs surgically removed. “Nothing
has ever been done to help a woman so that she does not get raped
and I thought it was high time,” said inventor Sonette Ehlers.
So far, the bizarre contraption has been tested by women for comfort
and been unleashed on a plastic male model, but no human volunteer
has yet been found in order to test the device in real world conditions.
(Yahoo
News)
THE ORGASMATRON IS REAL
A scientist who accidentally invented a machine which can give
women an orgasm at the touch of a button is shocked that he is
unable to find enough volunteers in order to test the device for
FDA approval. “I thought people would be beating my door
down,” said Dr. Stuart Meloy, who created a device which
stimulates a certain area at the base of a woman’s spine
which reflexively produces an orgasm. Dr. Meloy discovered the
unique ability of his device while trying to cure back pain in
a patient by inserting a device similar to a pacemaker under the
patient’s skin and sending a small electrical current up
her spine. Surprisingly, the current was able to automatically
give his patient an orgasm, so he switched the focus of his experiments
and believes he has now perfected the orgasm machine. Now he simply
needs enough volunteers to continue FDA testing in order to receive
approval to market the device. (BBC)
THE ENDS OF THE WORLD
If the Katrina disaster has got you thinking about things like
the end of the world, there is a highly informative website at
www.exitmundi.nl which lists every conceivable doomsday scenario
which could end the world as we know it. Conveniently organized
under the headings “Any Day Now,” “Near Future,”
“Distant Future,” and “Religious,” this site
lists every possible scenario from alien invasion to zombie takeover.
Of course the list includes the obvious catastrophes such as the
earth being hit by a huge asteroid, but did you know that we might
also be wiped out by hungry molecules which devour the entire
planet, or that a science experiment in particle physics could
create a chain-reaction which accidentally disintegrates every
atom which composes the Earth? Also on the menu are slow boring
deaths, such as the world population slowly declining to zero
because of rapidly falling human fertility due to all the pollution
in the atmosphere, and far-too exciting scenarious, like mass
insanity, robot rebellions and our pets turning against us. Go
fan the flames of your paranoia at www.exitmundi.nl.
YOUR PENIS OR YOUR LIFE
Romanian authorities are searching for a man who ran away from
the emergency room after doctors told him his penis would have
to be amputated.The unidentified 42-year-old man’s sorry
tale began after losing a drunken bet and placing a metal ring
around his penis. After two day of unsuccessfully trying to remove
the ring, the man finally took his now misshapen and discolored
willy to seek medical attention. The news was not good. The doctors
told him that the blood supply to his penis had been cut off for
too long and his little friend was now suffering from gangrene.
They then informed him that the only medical option was an amputation
to stop the necrosis from spreading to the rest of his body. Instead,
the man fled the hospital in horror and and hasn’t been heard
from since. (Darwin
Awards)
ALL THOSE STUPID PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE EVEN DUMBER THAN YOU
THOUGHT
According to Dr. Jon D. Miller, a political scientist who studies
how much Americans know about science for institutions such as
the National Science Foundation, one in five Americans believes
the Sun revolves around the Earth. (NY
Times)
TALK TO GOD FOR A NICKEL
Since God isn’t answering his phone or returning his messages,
a church in the Philippines has set up a prayer line where you
can simply text-message your desires to the Almighty. The “Text
Mary” project has become a huge fad in that country, with
thousands of faithful texting their requests for lotto winnings,
jobs and lovers. The prayers are then added to the daily mass
held at the Philippine Catholic Church and in the prayers of Carmelite
nuns. Each prayer costs around five cents, with the proceeds supposedly
going to help the poor. Of course, if prayer worked the church
wouldn’t really need to create money-making schemes to feed
the poor, would they? (Philippine
Daily Inquirer)
LET ME MAKE YOU HAPPY, BABY
The medical journal Archives of Sexual Behavior has published
some remarkable findings from researchers at New York University
which seems to indicate that a man's sperm contains anti-depressant
chemicals and hormones which make woman happier. The study logged
the sexual activities of 300 women and found that women who had
sex without condoms were happier than women who had sex with condoms
or women who didn't have sex. The study also found that women
who have unprotected sex were less likely to commit suicide, but
became increasingly depressed the longer they went without sex.
“I READ IT ON THE INTERNET SO IT MUST BE TRUE” FACT
OF THE WEEK
A 1995 study revealed that 91% of adults pick their nose on a
regular basis, and 8% of those people pick their nose and eat
their pickings.
Copyright 2005 by Andreas Ohrt
