Curious
Times No. 308
August 4, 2005
I
SEE DUMB PEOPLE
In a stunning upset at the World Stupidity Awards, massive underdog
Canada beat out perennial favorite America to take the coveted
Dumbest Government of the Year award. “Canadians often feel
we’re in the shadow of the U.S., especially when it comes
to stupidity, but now we’re proving we’re world class,”
said Robert Spence, spokesman of the awards, which have been dubbed
“The Oscars of Idiocy.” Of course, no night of stupidity
could be complete without recognizing the massive contributions
of George W. Bush, who took home the Stupidest Statement of the
Year award for his contention that “they never stop thinking
of ways of harming America, and neither do we.” Other winners
include Paris Hilton, who took the Stupidest Woman and Stupidest
Show (“The Simple Life”) awards; conservative Ann Coulter,
winner of the Stupidest Man category, and Crytal Meth, which was
honored as the Stupidest Trend of the Year. (Canadian
Press)
BUT I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME!
After
promising to summon UFOs to the Las Vegas desert during what was
supposed to be a spectacular 45-day photo-opportunity between
June 1 and July 15, the Prophet Yahweh, Seer of Yahweh (aka Ramon
Watkins) has now filed a slightly altered press release promising
the beginning of his “50 State UFO Summoning Tour 2005,”
during which he plans to call down more imaginary spacecraft for
the media to film. In it, he blames the media’s reluctance
to give him air time as the reason the UFOs did not arrive. Rather
than summoning the spacecraft first and forcing the media to come
out and film him, Prophet Yahweh says “the spaceship would
never have appeared if I was not filmed calling it down. This
is what the space beings wanted. They wanted me captured on film
with their spaceship so everyone would know that these beings
have chosen me to speak for them and no other person.” His
website, which used to be a great source of weirdness, is now
nothing but a site asking for donations. Go waste your money at
www.prophetyahweh.com
(emediawire.com)
THERE’S AN ANTI-CHRIST BORN EVERY MINUTE
Here’s a scam you probably haven’t thought of yet: an
Italian couple managed to take over 50,000 Euros off a woman by
convincing her that they were vampires and that they would impregnate
her with the son of the Anti-Christ. The “vampires”
then sold her morning-after pills for 3,000 euros each which they
told her would abort the baby in case she became pregnant. The
bizarre scam was uncovered after the woman’s family discovered
that she had spent all her savings and asked the police to investigate.
(Reuters)
YOU CAN GET BOTH BUSH GIRLS FOR THAT PRICE
A government official in Kenya has offered former American president
Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter Chelsea’s
hand in marriage. (sky.com)
PLAYING WITH BALLS, PART II
A few weeks ago we learned that the city of Dortmund, Germany
plans to build small drive-in wooden “sex-garages” near
soccer stadiums for next year’s World Cup tournament. The
“love shacks” are being set up to keep prostitutes and
their customers out of the city’s public spaces. Well, the
city of Berlin has taken this idea to far greater heights. A company
in that city plans to cash in on the massive boom in the sex trade
during next year’s festivities by building a 60-room high-end
brothel just a short walk away from Berlin’s Olympic Stadium.
The “Artemis” project will include a whirlpool, sauna,
cinema, buffet restaurant and all the sex you can afford with
a staff of over 100 prostitutes. (Reuters)
I’M NOT A GIRL... NOT YET A MAN
According to reports out of Myanmar, a hermaphrodite is attracting
up to 400 visitors per day after s/he suddenly transformed into
a man by losing her/his breasts and growing a penis. Than Sandar,
21, claims that “on the morning of the full moon day of June
21, I noticed my thing was not the same as before...and my breasts
disappeared.” While waiting for the test results from medical
examinations to verify his condition, Sandar has become a huge
tourist attraction with those who hope his transformation may
have blessed him with other supernatural powers. Sandar is thrilled
with his new body, saying that he had always prayed to come back
in his next life as a man. “Now I’m happy because my
dream won’t have to wait until my next life, it’s already
come true.” His father is equally thrilled, saying that he
now has the son he always wanted. Sandar says he plans to join
the monkhood for a period of spiritual contemplation before deciding
whether to marry and start a family. (news.com.au)
MAYBE YOU STINK
A wealthy Croatian lawyer has claimed the title of “World’s
Ugliest Man” after having over 5,000 marriage proposals turned
down. “Money can’t buy you love, at least if you have
a face like mine,” said Emil Kacic. “What else is there
to believe other than that I must be the ugliest man in the world.”
(Ananova)
CHILDHOOD IS WASTED ON CHILDREN
Child development experts surveyed 1000 adults for their favorite
childhood memories in order to come up with a list of 33 things
which children should do before the age of 10. Surprisingly, playing
video games for seven hours straight and beating up a kid for
his sneakers did not make this list. Nevertheless, here are some
highlights. 1. Roll on your side down a grassy bank; 9. Climb
a tree; 14. Bury a friend in the sand; 25. Find some worms; 32.
Make breakfast in bed for your parents. (Sky.com)
Copyright
2005 by Andreas Ohrt
