Curious
Times No. 300
June
9, 2005
UFOs ON DEMAND
Last week I mentioned the news that self-proclaimed Prophet Yahweh
has planned 45 days of UFO sightings near the Las Vegas desert.
Now you can see a news report of his first success from the ABC
News affiliate KTNV-TV in Las Vegas at www.ufodigest.com.
A reporter and camera crew went out to interview Prophet Yahweh
and filmed him as he began a prayer which asked the aliens to
“show them that I am not mentally ill.” A few moments
later, the cameras captured what appears to be a silver and slightly
orange disc zipping through the sky at great speeds and bizarre
angles. Not terribly convincing but a good start, as Yahweh promises
a few more weeks of summoning the UFOs and plans a grand finale
during which he will call down a massive spacecraft which will
be visible to everybody in Las Vegas in the middle of July.
I’M ONLY HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX FOR THE SAKE OF THE ENVIRONMENT
Oceanographic scientists have discovered a disgusting mass of
the world’s discarded condoms stuck together and floating
in the middle of the South Pacific about halfway between Tahiti
and Antarctica. The giant wad of used condoms measures almost
two-miles long, an eighth of a mile wide and up to 60 feet deep.
Mason Froule, an Australian marine biologist, says that bizarre
accumulations of similar materials are common in the ocean due
to the effects of wind and ocean currents, magnetic fields, buoyancy
and other conditions. However, scientists have never found a mass
of material this enormous, and believe the condoms may have been
gathering for decades. Froule said that the “reef” of
condoms was matted together so densely that “you could almost
land a plane on it...it seems pretty indestructible.” Experts
estimate that one third of the world’s 300 million condoms
used annually end up in the ocean. (UK
Online)
SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE MUTANT CHILD
Australia’s Sun newspaper reports that a Russian professor
claims that the legacy of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster includes
a generation of “super-brainy mutant children.” Bryansk
State University professor Vladimir Mikhalev claims to have tracked
the health of children born in the affected region since 1986,
and reports that the children are growing faster, have stronger
immune systems, have faster reaction times and higher IQ’s
than normal children. No word on whether he will assemble a team
of crime-fighting super-teens out of this group...
I’M
TOO SEXY FOR MY COCK
Fashion designers in Austria and Japan have combined their forces
to create a line of clothing for chickens. Did I say chickens?
Yes, unfortunately I did. The world’s first ever chicken
suit fashion show was presented at the Austrian pavilion at the
World Exhibition in Nagoya, Japan last month, where 20 chickens
strutted the catwalk (henwalk?) while Mozart music played in the
background. The collection of chicken outfits will continue its
tour with upcoming fashion shows in Tokyo, Paris, Mexico City
and Vienna. Austrian designer Edgar Honetschlaeger couldn’t
exactly explain why he helped to create this line of fashion,
but claimed that “it’s something that you don’t
really need but everyone wants to have anyway”. (Ananova)
SHE’LL ALWAYS BE OUR LITTLE BABY
Usually no matter how bizarre your extremely rare medical condition
is, you can still find a specialist somewhere in the world who
has seen it before. Except in the case of a 12-year-old girl from
Baltimore who has not aged since she was about six-months-old.
Brooke Greenberg was born in 1993 but weighs only 13 pounds and
is only 27 inches tall. She still looks and acts like a a baby
and has developed no language skills, and the doctors who are
trying to figure out this medical mystery compare her to a two-year-old
handicapped child. “There is no diagnosis. We don’t
know what is going on,” said the family’s doctor, Lawrence
Pakula, “There is no one else like her in the world.”
(The
Telegraph)
DELICIOUS WITH A GLASS OF POWDERED MILK
The U.S. Military has finally outsmarted, yeast, fungus, mold
and rotting meat and succeeded in creating the world's first indestructible
sandwich. The pizza pocket-style sandwich can survive airdrops,
rough handling, extreme climates, and stays fresh for up to three
years at temperatures up to 26°C, and up to six months at
38°C. The soldiers who tested the first prototype were unimpressed,
giving the sandwich a rating of "acceptable." (New Scientist)
BEAT IT, CREEP!
Next time someone harasses you for your phone number, give them
the number for the Rejection Line, at 212-479-7990. The answering
service at The Rejection Line will gladly snub that annoying pest
in your life. Here's a sample message: "Welcome to the New
York City Rejection Line. Unfortunately, the person who gave you
this number does not want to talk to you or speak to you again.
We would like to take this opportunity to officially reject you.
If you want to hear from our comfort specialist, press 1. If you
want to hear a sad poem written by a kindred spirit, press 2."
(www.rejectionline.com)
THERE’S STILL TIME TO CHANGE YOUR NAME
A study conducted at the University of San Diego which examined
27 years' worth of California death certificates found that people
with "good" monograms such as GOD, ACE, or WOW, live
over seven years longer than people whose monograms spelled words
such as PIG, RAT, DUD, or ILL.
TURN THE OTHER FIST
An 11-year-old boy in Omaha who went to school dressed as Jesus
for "Dress Like Your Favourite Book Character" day,
got into a fist fight with another boy who spent the day calling
him Little Bo Peep and Heidi. The boy had been wearing a tunic
and carrying a staff. (Omaha World-Herald)
HE PROBABLY SLEPT THROUGH GRAD SCHOOL
It took a specialist in sleep disorders, Dr. James Wyatt of Harvard
Medical School, to determine that sleep itself is "without
a doubt, hands down, the best countermeasure to sleep deprivation."
Copyright
2005 by Andreas Ohrt
