Curious
Times No. 294
April 28, 2005
IS
THAT A PENIS ON YOUR ARM, OR ARE YOU JUST GLAD TO SEE ME?
A Russian man has given hope to all men who are suffering through
life with a penis smaller than two inches long (the medical community
calls this a micropenis), by having a new penis surgically grown
on his left forearm. As bizarre as this sounds, this is actually
a pioneering surgical technique which, if successful, will be
used for countless of weird applications. During the procedure
the man’s micropenis was amputated and reattached to his
arm, after which flesh and skin tissue were grafted around the
penis, expanding it from two to seven inches. The newly created
member was then amputated off the arm and reattached to its proper
home. The surgeon who created this technique, Professor Mikhail
Sokolshchick of the National Medical Surgical Centre in Moscow,
had previously performed thousands of reconstructive surgeries,
but said that “this operation was highly risky because it
was an amputation, reconstruction and reattachment in one go.
If it had gone wrong, the patient would have ended up with no
genitalia at all.” (The
Telegraph)
ACTUALLY,
WE’RE FED UP WITH MEETING UNATTRACTIVE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE
An online forum strictly for the most beautiful people in the
world has been started in the UK at BeautifulPeople.net.
Wannabe members must face the screening process of those who already
belong to this elite club, and who hold veto power over anyone
deemed too ugly to join. “People are fed up of wasting time
and money meeting unattractive people on the Net,” explained
the marketing director of the new site, claiming that of the over
500 new applications they receive each day, only one in 15 are
allowed in.
MONEY FOR NOTHING
Canadian criminologist and forensic litigation specialist John
Ruiz Dempsey filed a class action suit in British Columbia's Supreme
Court last week on behalf of all Canadians against seven of the
country's largest banking institutions. The lawsuit charges that
the big banks are illegally creating money and using fraudulent
banking practices in order to deceive their customers by loaning
them money which does not actually exist. The basic argument is
that when banks give you a loan they simply create the money by
punching a few numbers into their computers and then charge you
outrageous interest rates and take away your collateral if you
can’t pay them back. This lawsuit argues that this “digitally
created money” does not legally exist and these transactions
constitute counterfeiting and money laundering since this phantom
money cannot be traced nor accounted for. “There is no law
in Canada that could remotely suggest that the defendant financial
institutions have the legal right to create money out of nothing,”
states the lawsuit. Get all the nitty-gritty details at NewMediaExplorer.org.
MORE FODDER FOR LOW BUDGET HORROR FLICKS
The scientific explanation entirely escapes my feeble mind, but
somehow or another researchers at Yale University School of Medicine
have managed to create remote-controlled fruit flies. By manipulating
the flies’ brains in some manner, the scientists were able
to use a laser trigger to activate different sets of the animals’
nervous system in order to get them to flap their wings of jump
around. The researchers didn’t mention what positive scientific
use this technology might bring, but it’s safe to assume
the CIA has already confiscated their equipment and is currently
testing it on humans. (MSNBC)
END
OF THE WORLD UPDATE
Aw crap! It looks like the end of the world is going to come even
faster than we thought. If you joined us last time you learned
the prophecies of a 12th century Saint claimed that there would
be only two more Popes following the death of John Paul II, after
which we face the judgement of the Great Judge. Now it turns out
that an extra pope seems to have been added to the prophecies
by a group of Olivetan monks in 1820. This means that the next
Pope will actually be the last, and his reign will come to an
abrupt end due to the end of the world as we know it. According
to the St. Malachy, ‘“there will be earthquakes and
signs in the sun. Toward the end, darkness will cover the Earth.
When everyone believes that peace is ensured, when everyone least
expects it, the Great Happening will begin.” (newswithviews.com)
POT SMOKING LESSON NO. 1: DON’T DO CRIME WHEN YOU’RE
HIGH
A teenager in Vermont faces a possible sentence of 25 years in
jail after digging up a gravesite and stealing a skull. Nickolas
Buckalew, 17, is being held on $100,000 bail and will face a psychiatric
evaluation for what the police called a shocking and disturbing
case, but it seems that all Nickolas wanted the skull for was
to build a really cool bong for smoking dope. D’oh! (Argus
Times)
WHEN
PIGS FLY, RUN, JUMP, SWIM
The annual Pig Olympics are underway in Shanghai, China this month,
with about 20 pig athletes trained in Thailand competing in events
such as running, jumping hurdles, jumping through hoops, swimming
and diving. Apparently the pigs are a unique breed which takes
naturally to all forms of sports. After they are born, the pigs
receive one year of training before testing their stuff at the
Pig Olympics. (Shanghai
Daily News)
GOD HAS A REALLY TWISTED SENSE OF HUMOUR
A woman in Chicago who was rushing to a church service after having
a premonition of her own death in a dream, was struck and killed
when her car hit a truck in a head-on collision last Sunday morning.
(Chicago Tribune)
GAS IS CHEAP
The next time you whine about the price of gas, check out these
numbers (these prices are per gallon): Diet Snapple, $10.32; Lipton
Ice Tea, $9.52; Gatorade, $10.17; Brake Fluid, $33.60; Vick’s
Nyquil, $178.13; Pepto Bismol, $123.20; Whiteout, $25.42; Scope,
$84.48; Evian water, $21.19 per gallon.
Copyright
2005 by Andreas Ohrt
