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Curious Times No. 279
January 13, 2005
“PSST...WANNA
BUY SOME SNOT?”
An “artist” from London who spent two years creating his latest
work by picking his nose and rolling his snot into a “sculpture”
just smaller than a golf ball is now ready to sell his masterpiece for
around $20,000. James Robert Ford, who somehow managed to exhibit his
snot at four different art galleries, is now seeking an art collector
to take the hunk of goo off his hands. So far, Ford has received a few
bids in the $50-$250 range, but this amount won’t do the artwork
justice. Trying to rationalize his absurd request for twenty grand the
artist explained that each booger is a part of his body and would be impossible
for any other artist to replicate. Grasping for more straws, Ford added
that the snot is “a physical record of all the different places I
have been and people I’ve met.” Nice try... (Wireless
Flash)
IF YOU’RE SO HUNGRY YOU COULD EAT A COW...
A restaurant in Scotland which is challenging it’s customers to polish
off the world’s largest hamburger has so far defeated three would-be
burger kings. The challenge pits a mere mortal against a seven pound,
7,000-calorie hamburger which must be eaten in under three hours. So far
all who have come have failed, including one man who gave up and had five
friends help him yet still couldn’t polish off the supersized meal.
The test requires just over $100 and 24 hours notice to create the beast.
Of course, the burger is free if you can manage to finish it. (sky.com)
TOO STUPID TO OWN A TV
I guess I let 2004 pass without personally thanking all the morons of
the world who ensure that I will never run out of curious news. And so
my first debt of gratitude of the new year goes to Austin Aitken, a man
in Cleveland who has filed a $2.5 million lawsuit against NBC because
he was grossed out by contestants eating dead rats on the TV show “Fear
Factor.” Apparently this nimrod has never figured out how to change
the channel on his television set, and now he wants NBC to pay him for
his stupidity. Good luck! In a handwritten lawsuit which he personally
filed, Aitken wrote, in part: “To have the individuals on the show
eat (yes) and drink dead rats was crazy and from a viewer’s point
of view made me throw-up as well an another in the house at the same time.”
He went on to complain that his fury at the show made his blood pressure
raise so high that he became dizzy and smashed his head on the doorway
when he tried to leave the living room. Nyah ha! (Yahoo
News)
BUT I’M SURE GOD JUST LOVES SICK HEARTLESS SOCIOPATHS
As if it isn’t disturbing enough that there is a website called GodHatesFags.com,
this week they’ve really sunk to a new low with a press release which
thanks God for killing thousands of homosexuals during the tsunami in
southern Asia. In response to a Swedish newspaper which mourned the death
of gay Swedes vacationing in Thailand, the website posted a sick press
release from the Westboro Baptist Church, which read, in part: “God
is laughing, mocking and taunting Swedes as they mourn & weep over
their dead! Thank God for his vengeance, and we pray for worse and more
of it upon Sweden.” Charming...
AND SHE WON’T ACCEPT EARTH MONEY
The internet is full of useful information. And then there’s this...
“how to tell if your prostitute is an extraterrestrial,” written
by the fake news masters at the Weekly World News. When trying to figure
out if the women you’re paying for sex with is actually here to take
over the world, look for these giveaways: she looks too good to be true
(obviously a shape-shifter); the sex is unbelievably good (you’re
suffering from implanted false memories); missing time (if you paid for
one hour, but four hours have passed, you’re memory has been erased);
and, according to this article, an alien prostitute will be heavily perfumed,
in order to mask her “peculiar ET odor.” (Weekly
World News)
WHEREAS MY INNER VOICE JUST KEEPS TELLING ME I’M FAT
The next time someone tries to tell you to stop listening to those voices
inside your head, just tell them the story of Clifford Maxwell. Last week
Maxwell was riding a bus past his regular lottery outlet when a voice
inside his head urged him to get off and buy one more ticket, despite
the fact that he already had purchased his regular allotment of three
tickets per week. The voice kept pestering him until he went and bought
one more ticket, which turned out to be the winner, giving Maxwell the
phenomenal grand prize of $40 million for Christmas. “I am truly
blessed,” Maxwell said. “I was on the bus and an inner voice
told me to get off and buy another one. So I did.” (NY
Post)
EVER HEARD OF A BABYSITTER?
Geez... the year is barely two weeks old and we already have our first
contender for the title of Worst Parents of 2005. A couple in San Diego
have jumped to the lead in this category after locking their seven-year-old
son in the trunk of their car so that they could go to the bar and celebrate
the mom’s birthday. After an anonymous tip led the police to find
the child with his sleeping bag and pillow in the trunk of his parent’s
Volvo, the kid revealed that he had spent the evening in the trunk of
the car on at least ten other occasions. Amazingly, the fuckwad mom and
dad received only probation after a court-ordered evaluation concluded
that the boy was “medically and psychologically sound.” Unlike
his parents... (NBC)
“I READ IT ON THE INTERNET SO IT MUST BE TRUE” FACT OF THE
WEEK
52% of households have five or more remote controls.
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