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Curious Times No. 275
December 16, 2004
BE GRATEFUL
FOR THE LITTLE THINGS, LIKE YOUR PENIS
A few weeks ago I mentioned the website for the Large Penis Support Group
at www.lpsg.org. This week the opposite end of the spectrum has hit the
news with a new surgical breakthrough which promises hope for those unfortunate
men suffering with what doctors call a “micro-penis.” A micro-penis
measures less than 2.8 inches long when fully erect, and some micro-penises
are even less than one inch long (that’s gotta suck!). Surprisingly,
penises of this length are not as rare as you would think, with as many
as one in 200 men suffering this affliction either due to birth defects
or due to chemotherapy treatments given as infants. But now, a ray of
hope from surgeons in the United Kingdom, who have perfected a technique
which uses skin from the forearm to reconstruct the penis. The new technique
not only increases the size of the penis but also preserves erogenous
sensation, which was not possible with previous surgical technique. For
those who want to go all the way, full sexual function can also be accomplished
by inserting a penile prosthesis -- complete with a tiny pump to create
and erection -- inside the newly created penis. (New
Scientist)
GET YOUR HO HO HO’S FOR CHRISTMAS
If you’re looking for a new place to work you might want to pack
your bags and head down under. A story from the Queensland Sunday Mail
reports that many Australian bosses are giving out free sex as a Christmas
bonus. According to this story, the brothels in Queensland are gearing
up for their busiest time of year as many workplaces are giving out gift
certificates for such X-mas fun as going to strip clubs, getting a lap
dance and even visiting a whorehouse. This practice has been gaining popularity
in recent years as the tax laws in Australia allow companies to claim
a tax deduction on all Christmas bonuses, and these unique gifts seem
to boost morale quite significantly. Of course, not everyone is pleased
with the trend. The Australian Families Association calls it “a further
promotion of sleaze,” adding that “it falls below basic community
standards.”
IT’S ALWAYS THE JOLLY ONES WHO ARE THE NASTIEST DRUNKS
The world’s largest gathering of Santa Clauses ended the way most
Christmas celebrations at my parent’s house used to end -- with a
mass drunken brawl. In the town of Newtown, Wales, 4,200 people dressed
up as Santa Claus had come for a day of fun in order to raise money for
charity. But as the day drew to a close, a number of Santas headed to
the local pub and proceeded to hit the bottles. The conversations began
to get a bit heated and finally the police were called in to break up
a brawl of over 30 drunk guys dressed up as Santa Claus. Fun! (sky.com)
NO WONDER I’M BROKE ALL THE TIME
An economist from the University of Texas has released extensive research
from the United States, Canada, and China, which he claims proves conclusively
that beautiful people earn more money than the rest of us. His studies
suggest that people in the top 30 per cent in the looks department earn
between three and five per cent more than those in the middle 60 per cent.
People in the bottom ten per cent do even worse. Those described as "pretty
ugly" earn up to ten per cent less than average.
TAKE IT OUT ON THE FREEWAY AND I’LL BE IMPRESSED
Seems like almost every week I try to encourage those of you who have
never accomplished anything to go out there and break one of the increasingly
lame world records padding out the record books. This week is no different,
as R.S. Santhosh Kumar of India has finally been rewarded for five years
of practicing how to drive without using his hands. How hard can that
possibly be? Last week Kumar had his hands tied behind his back and proceeded
to drive 375 miles using only his legs to operate the brake, clutch and
steering wheel. Kumar averaged a speed of 25 mph, taking 15 hours to complete
the task. (Vijay
Times)
TOO MUCH INFORMATION
“Actor” Jean Claude van Damme, trying to assure other weightlifters
that working out too heavily will not affect your sex life, bragged that
he is a “superhero” when it comes to pleasing his wife. "It's
not true that the potency of a man decreases if he has a tough physical
training regime every day,” said van Damme, “I can tell you
that from my own experiences. When I get back home every day I am my wife's
superhero in bed." (Ananova)
DON’T LEAVE EARTH WITHOUT IT
If you're worried about being abducted by aliens and not getting anything
more for your troubles than a sore ass, this might be for you. Alien Abduction
Insurance is now available at www.ufo2001.com, which will pay you for
your troubles if the little grey bastards get you. As with all insurance
policies, there's a catch: in order to get paid out, you'll need the signature
of an "Authorized Onboard Alien".
TIME TO BUY A NEW WATCH
Scientists from the National Institute for Standards and Technology have
created the first atomic wristwatch. The time-keeping device is only about
the size of a sugar cube, but keeps time accurately within about one second
every 300 years, about 1,000 times more accurate than standard wristwatches.
The first batch will cost about $100, but the price will come down quickly
as consumer demand increases. (CNN)
“I READ IT ON THE INTERNET SO IT MUST BE TRUE” FACT OF THE WEEK
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
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