THE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR THEORY OF DEMOCRACY
People often look to George Orwell as one of the most accurate predictors of the present-day political system. But giving him a run for his money is Henry Louis Mencken, a political commentator who, as far back as 1920, said that the steady decline of democracy would lead to a "downright moron" occupying the White House. Writing in the Baltimore Evening Sun on July 26, 1920, H.L. Mencken explained that "the larger the mob, the harder the test. In small areas, before small electorates, a first-rate man occasionally fights his way through, carrying even the mob with him by force of his personality. But when the field is nationwide...the force of personality cannot so readily make itself felt, then all the odds are on the man who is, intrinsically, the most devious and mediocre...The Presidency tends, year by year, to go to such men. As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people...On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."

BECAUSE SUFFERING FROM ONE LIFE'S WORTH OF PAIN AND ILLNESS IS NEVER ENOUGH
A 72-year-old Dutch psychotherapist has set up shop in Nepal and is now offering "reincarnation therapy" to help cure your chronic pain and illnesses. "People often suffer from pains which have no apparent cause," says Peter Langedijk, "these are usually problems associated with their past lives. When they are taken back there, the pain dogging them for years is cured in half an hour." For a small fee, Langedijk will regress you back to your past lives in order to find the source of your present-life pains. After you are aware of what is causing the problem, he uses a combination of hypnotic commands and relaxation techniques to cure the problem areas once and for all. "Perhaps it is fantasy," says the doctor, "but it helps." (newkerala.com)

HOW TO SERVE ALIENS
And now, as payback for all the humans who have had to suffer through anal probes, comes an incredibly useful website called "How to Cook an Alien." Along with the many reasons for eating our intergalactic visitors (reason number two: "they ate Elvis", comes excellent advice as to the the different flavors of aliens (reptoid meat is the lowest in fat and cholesterol content, and is good for those with a heart condition), tips on how to catch an alien (lay a trail of M&M's or some such candy towards the trap, and the creature will blindly follow the trail), and of course, plenty of great alien recipes, such as Mixed Alien Gumbo, Roast Filet of Grey, Minced Reptoid, and Three Alien Pizza. Bon appetit!