October 7, 2004

IT AIN’T OVER TILL THE PSYCHIC DOGS BARK
Sorry to have to break the news to you, but it looks like George Bush will indeed be re-elected for another term in office. No doubt about it, as I get my news from the highest of sources, Jacqueline Stallone’s psychic dogs. Laugh all you want, but it was Sylvester Stallone’s mom and her two psychic pets who were the only psychics to correctly predict the outcome of the last U.S. election. In 2000, the dogs predicted that Bush would win with a very slim margin of only a couple of hundred votes. This time, the psychic mutts project a much more resounding Bush victory, with a margin of around 15 per cent. According to Jacqueline, the dogs “channel messages from the spirit world and telepathically send them to me.” The dogs have also predicted that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be running for president next time, in 2008. (remoteviewer.nu)

NEVER FORGET THAT HITLER WAS VOTED INTO POWER
So if those psychic dogs are correct, it looks like we have at least another four years of fascist rule to look forward to. Did I say fascist? Check out www.oldamericancentury.com, which tracks the fascist tendencies of the Bush administration in 14 categories shared by all fascist regimes. The categories are based on the research of political scientist Dr. Lawrence Britt, who lays out the identifying characteristics shared by such charming political leaders as Hitler, Mussolini, Franco, Suharto and Pinochet. Not surprisingly, the Bush presidency shares many of these hallmarks, including extreme nationalism, disdain for human rights, identifying scapegoats, belief in the supremacy of the military, rampant sexism, controlling the mass media, protecting corporate power, supressing labor power, and holding fraudulent elections, among a few others. Check out the detailed analysis and links to news stories which point to these shortcomings of the Bush administration at http://www.oldamericancentury.com/14pts.htm

THE MOTHER OF ALL MORONS
And one more from the fascists files. In a turn of events which would rank right up there with the most bizarre political moments of all time, Saddam Hussein has expressed his desire to run for president in the coming Iraqi elections. Speaking for his client, Hussein’s lawyer Giovanni di Stefano told a Dutch newspaper that the former Iraqi dictator had decided to try to regain his presidency and palaces through the democratic process. Stefano explained that since there is not enough time to bring Hussein to trial before the Iraqi election, technically he is not convicted of any crimes, and so there is no international law which can prevent his from putting his name on the ballot. Furthermore, Saddam’s lawyer claimed that the chaotic situation in Iraq favours his client, citing recent polls which indicate that as many as 42 per cent of Iraqi’s would like to have their former leader back. (zaman.org)

TITILLATING PHONE CALLS
A Japanese guru who became famous for helping members of a notorious doomsday cult return to normal life is now trying to cash in on his fame with a bizarre invention -- a cell phone ring tone which he claims will help a women’s breasts grow bigger. Hideto Tomabechi claims that the ring tone he has invented contains subliminal sounds which “make the brain and body move unconsciously.” He calls the ring tones “positive brainwashing,” and he is currently working on other sounds which will help people to quite smoking, combat baldness, and find a lover. At least one person expressed satisfactory results with the strange invention. “I listened to the tune for a week expecting all the time that I was being duped,” one woman told a Japanese newspaper, “But, incredibly, my 34-inch bust grew to 35 inches. It was awesome.” (Ananova)